Waking Up In Vegas
by Leasbian
Summary: Jane and Maura wake up in Las Vegas...with rings on their fingers. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just to let you all know, I didn't delete the story. According to FF it was reported too many times. Something about the title and content or w/e I really don't know. It's six in the morning and I don't feel like doing much.**

* * *

A vacation was what they'd needed. With dealing with Hoyt and Patrick Doyle. They'd needed a vacation together. They'd needed something to distract them from the life that had been waiting for them back in Boston. Something that would distract them from their obvious mistakes – the men they were seeing. Dennis was a good man. Funny. Outgoing. He reminded Maura of her younger days. But, other than the casual sex, that was all he was good for. Helping her remember her youth. Helping her take chances again. Casey was just as well a good man. Maybe better in some ways. Even in his darkest hour, he wanted to protect Jane. He wanted to be with her but he protected her from himself. His anger. His depression. And when Jane had decided she could handle it all, a decision she'd come to just because he'd been an old friend more than a new a lover, he accepted her.

But, this vacation hadn't turned out the way they'd wanted it to. Las Vegas is never a good idea. Doesn't matter what the hell you plan on doing while there, it's never a good idea. You will leave that city with some sort of regret forming in the back of your mind. Jane had her fair share of regrets, leave it to Maura and too many shots in Vegas combined to add onto that list.

* * *

Maura was the first one to wake. She was never one for drinking anything but red wine. But, Jane had convinced her. The way Jane convinced her to do just about anything else. Try out a new restaurant in her old neck of the woods. See the Red Sox defeat or be defeated. Even see the Celtics defeat or be defeated. Venture a guess, although she hadn't been successful with that yet. All Jane needed to do was knit her eyebrows together, twist her question from instruction to question. And make seem like it was an offering as if Maura really had a choice. Hey, maybe we should try that new Italian restaurant in South Boston, see how long it'll last? Got some tickets for the Celtics? Fifth row. Frost bailed...? Vegas?

There was an ache and a pulse in her head that could make any movement in the room feel like thunder. Her stomach felt empty or like it was ready to empty itself. She was naked. She was sure of that before she'd even opened her eyes. She wanted to believe it was because it was hot. In the hotel room. Maybe it was the inebriate withdrawals her body was going through now. Maybe it was because it was Las Vegas. Or maybe it was from being curled in one blanket with Jane Rizzoli, who seemed to be radiating the same amount of heat as the sun. She peeked under the blanket. The brunette wore only black boxer briefs. Maura sighed. No matter how many times Jane told her how comfortable those were, she could never find herself wearing them at any time of day. Even to bed.

Tardily, but certainly Maura sat up. From the movement, somehow there had been a roaring storm only her room, or maybe just in her head. She licked her dry lips and glanced at Jane again. Dark hair covered the woman's face but she that tall body would never be undefinable to her. She knew it well. She knew it because she knew Jane. She'd studied the other woman's body when Jane captured precious hours of sleep and Maura had been consumed in thought. Or fantasy. Jane was in bed with her. Of course, it'd been from fear of her life or just because she enjoyed the honey-blonde's company. But, there had been other places she could go. But, she chose Maura. And it made Maura smile with a feeling that was closer to self-assurance rather appreciation.

Just like Jane had chosen Maura for this trip. She could have gone with someone who would be a lot more fun. Frost. Korsak. Frankie. Even Tommy. But, Jane was dead set upon it being Maura. When Maura had wanted to go see her mother. She'd wanted to check up on her. But, Jane had compromised with her. She'd offered they stop in New York for a week. Spend a few nights in Vegas and the rest of their vacation could go to the Isles' estate in Uptown New York.

Maura smiled at the thought. She would get to see her mother. While still on vacation with Jane. The bathroom in her hotel room was large. Just like her hotel room. Just like her home in Boston. Her home in Florida. Her vacation home in France. She kept the light off for now. In the mirror, she noticed the mess formerly known as her hair. She could see Jane in the mirror, the woman was still asleep in the bed.

She debated turning the faucet on, with the need to wake up properly and the disdain for sound.

But, her tired eyes won the disputation. She needed to freshen up. They were leaving Vegas in...less than four hours. Maura sighed and reached for the faucet. Her hand stopped on its path to the regulator. Something lustrous reflected in the sunlight. She looked down at her hand. Fourth finger; ring finger there was a ring. A ring that looked very expensive. She stretched out her arm and looked at the finger. Studying it. In the mirror, she could see her naked form. And behind her naked form, she could see Jane sitting up and looking at her from the bed. Comprehension had not yet hit the Detective. But, it was eating at Maura. She was piecing it all together. There was a ring on her finger. She was naked. In bed with Jane, who also was naked. Somewhere last night, the two woman had made a mistake. She move to her right, hovering above the toilet. Her stomach finally emptied itself.

* * *

A pounding in her head. She could hear almost everything moving at once. It felt like a hundred different gun shots were going off in the same room. Jane was hungover. This much as obvious to her. It meant last night must have been either extremely fun or extremely terrifying. Probably terrifyingly fun. She rolled over in the bed. And she could hear someone padding the floor. She looked down at her form. She was naked. She must have picked someone up last night. She only hoped she'd had enough time to get rid of the stranger and pack for New York.

She sat up. Across the room from her had been a naked woman in the bathroom. Staring at her through the mirror, holding up her arm. It took her eyes a moment to focus, but in the distance, she noticed it. First it glistened like lightning. Maura turned to her, slowly.

Jane couldn't decide if she should cover her eyes or stare even more boldly at the woman.

"Jane," Maura dropped her hand, slowly. "Please don't tell me this isn't what I think it is." She looked down at her body. Then slowly back to Jane, only stared at her blankly but still managed to cover herself up. Maura felt exposed. Jane had seen her naked multiple times. On any other given day, this wouldn't mean a thing to her. She and Jane would just be getting dressed around one another. The brunette would protest to how comfortable Maura was while being naked.

"Maur," Her voice was somewhere between apology and disbelief. As if she'd known that it happened. As if it somehow had been her fault. But, she still couldn't believe it. "What the hell happened, Maur?"

She crossed the room to her robe. "That is the explanation I am awaiting from you."

"I..." The brunette looked around the room. For clues. She noticed two wine glasses on a fancy looking tray near the door. Some cheese cubes and olives next to the glasses. But, that was the part of last night she could remember. She and Maura were talking. They'd been up late talking and drinking wine. Until she had the bright idea to go out. Live it up in Vegas. What could happen? _Yeah, bright fucking idea, Jane._ "I don't know what to say."

"At some point," Maura tied the robe. "You convinced me to leave this hotel room, already inebriated. I cannot center all of the blame entirely on you, it was my judgment to leave with you."

She talked at her with that pissed tone. Jane hated that tone. Because only Maura could make it seem like she was pissed with you and disappointed in you and still be polite about it. She looked down at her hand. On it was also a ring. One that looked far more fancier than the one Maura wore. What kind of jewelry store would sell them rings while they were that drunk?

"I don't know what to say." She mostly said to herself. She tried to remember last night. She tried her best. They weren't drunk when they left the room but they were definitely feeling the wine. Maura had been laughing a lot. It'd been the first time she'd heard Maura laugh so much around her since she'd shot Patrick Doyle. The only time she'd even heard Maura laugh nearly as much was when she'd overheard Dennis and her in the morgue or the cafe. Or down the halls of BPD. Or even the time she'd decided to use Maura's restroom because the lines for the ladies rooms upstairs had been ridiculous. She knew the code into the restroom by heart. When she'd opened it, she could hear Maura moaning and Dennis grunting behind the only stall. She quickly closed the door, slowly, then left.

She never knew why it'd bothered her so much. Why there had been a wave in the pit of her stomach. An ache in the center of her chest. She knew they were sexually involved. She knew it because Maura told her. But, she didn't like it. No. She fucking hated it and she hadn't realized it until she'd walked in on them.

They were becoming serious. Dennis and Maura. The closer they got the more distant she and Maura got. They only saw one another in the cafe. Or at her Ma's family dinners, which Dennis now attended. And it wasn't just because he was screwing Maura, she didn't like him because he tried to involve himself in her family. He talked to her mother. He talked to her brothers. He tried to get along with them. While everyone bought his bullshit, she sat at the dinner table with her arms crossed to keep from pulling out her gun and shooting either him or herself in the head. _Wouldn't be the first time you shot yourself._ She would say. _How bad could it be?_ And then, Maura's voice would appear in her head and tell her: _You would die, Jane. Granted I am merely inches away from you, I cannot save you from a gunshot wound to the head._

"Jane," Maura was doing a little dance between pacing and packing She couldn't decide which one helped more. "Do you think we had intercourse?"

_Make it sound cold, Maur. Make it sound like it meant nothing._ "Don't know." Jane shrugged.

"How are you not as solicitous as I am, Jane?" The honey-blonde stopped her hands and looked at the other woman. "With the obvious clues, I think it is safe to venture at this point. We are married. _Married._"

"I get that!" She stood, the blanket still wrapped around her. But, it was difficult to take the situation as seriously when all she could think about was Maura was legally hers. Legally. Dennis had no rights to her. Of course, she didn't voice that victory aloud. "I'm really fucking concerned. I don't know how to explain this to Ma, to Frost or Korsak. Casey." She sighed.

There was a pause. Maura watched her think. "Casey?"

"Yes, Casey." Jane rolled her eyes. "I know that you're so busy with Dennis, between getting caught by Frankie for tagging and fucking in your restroom at work." Maura shot her look. And Jane nodded. "Yeah, I know about that." She glared. "But, I have a life too. I have a boyfriend too. I know that must be difficult for you to understand with having to think of other people and all. But, trust me, I'm fucking _concerned_, Maura."

"Are you in belief that I don't think of others, Jane?" Maura could count how many times Jane had played that argument. "Can offer an example of a moment I didn't think of you?"

"Yeah, I actually can!" Jane walked around to her dufflebag and pulled out a pair of jeans and shirt. Unlike Maura, she didn't need to get fancy to get on a plane. She was tired. She had a hangover. And she was now fucking married to her best friend. "How about the time I shot Patrick to save our lives?"

"He wouldn't have killed me."

"Oh, right." Jane nodded. "I'm sorry, it was my life he wanted. He was there to protect you. From me. Because that's not what I was there for either."

"I am not accountable for his thoughts nor actions, Jane." The honey-blonde shifted and looked at Jane who was too pissed off to care about being naked. First she put on a bra. Then her jeans. Then her low-cut black Springsteen shirt. It was almost as old as Tommy. She'd won it in a raffle and at first she couldn't fit it. It'd always been too big for her and now, thirty years old, it was just the right size. And still in mint condition. With having her Ma stitch it up every once in a while.

"Patrick's not the problem, Maura." She slung the bag's strap over her shoulder. She swayed a little but quickly caught her balance. She was severely hung over. "Let's just try to get to city hall quickly or something." She sighed. The yelling was doing a number on her. She hated to yell at Maura. She hated being in any sort of argument with her best friend. _Who for the moment is now considered my wife._ She tried to ignore the feeling in her chest at that thought. She was far too pissed off to start exploring the buried feelings for Maura.

"You're right." The honey-blonde had her dress in one hand and a towel in the other. "I need a shower. It will be quick. I can have this marriage annulled within forty-eight hours. In Boston."

The brunette nodded. "I'll be downstairs."

"I'll meet you in the lobby?"

"Sure."

"We'll get through this, Jane." She rubbed the taller woman's arms. "It will be as if it never happened."

Jane couldn't make eye contact. "But it did."

Maura searched her eyes. "It was a mistake."

"You don't have to remind me of that." She looked down at Maura. "I can tell from the look on your face."

The honey-blonde dropped her head. "I'll meet you downstairs."

"Yeah."


	2. Chapter 2

The only thing to do on a plane that has no stops is to either sleep, watch the crappy ass movie they provide or browse the internet. Jane managed to do all three. The movie was boring. It was about a middle aged man turning seventeen again and attending school with his kids. Some kid who was supposed to look attractive played the part. The only reason she'd even given the movie a shot was because of Matthew Perry. Growing up she used to watch him on one of her favorite television shows. But, the movie was terrible so she decided she would just try to check her email on the iPad Maura had gotten her for Christmas. But, it was all work related. Some friends from BPD wanted help on their cases. She really needed friends outside of work.

So, she decided the best course of action to ignore Maura would be to sleep. Or well to pretend to sleep. She had her headphones in, her seat lowered and her eyes closed. She could tell the doctor hadn't really been convinced. But, at least she took the hint. She kept her yap shut.

A few hours later and Jane and Maura were going their separate ways. Maura was going to her home and Jane to her apartment. Both women didn't speak a word to each other. But, they still wore their rings. And Jane was glad Maura wore hers because it'd tapped into her savings. The ring was expensive.

"Jane," Maura's cabbie had finished packing her things first. He was obviously quicker, given Maura had more bags than Jane. And Jane only had two. "I am trying my _best_ to not let this incident ruin our relationship." She looked up at the other woman. "Please tell me you'll forgive me for our mistake?"

"Yeah, Maur." Jane opened the door to her cab.

"Perhaps we should keep this on the low-down."

Even in complete solemn, Jane couldn't help but laugh at Maura's attempt to use slang. "Down-low."

"Low-down, down-low." She dismissed.

"Secret's safe with me."

Maura smiled. It was genuine. So, Jane couldn't help the smile that crept across her lips.

* * *

Frost was the first to know of her return. She'd asked him to come by and feed the little tortoise Maura had gotten her before they'd left. She could have asked Frankie but she knew he would forget. She didn't want her mother any where in her apartment while she was away. Maura had kept the woman busy enough with asking her to sign for packages and furniture deliveries.

She was in her sweats and a sports bra. Taking swings at the punching bag in her living room. She still smelled of a brewery but she'd taken two showers, so at this point she just assumed there was nothing else she could do about it.

Jane was for one hungry. She hadn't eaten on the plane. She was also bored. Tired. Pissed. Hurt. And deep down a little happy. But, she had to remind herself that it would be over in just a matter of hours. All she needed was to sign her name on a paper, take off the ring and her marriage was over. The only marriage she'd ever have and it would have never existed in only a few hours. She had some resentment for herself and Maura. She'd hated her father for asking her mother for an annulment and now she was getting one herself.

Jane pulled her hoodie over her head. Jo Friday barked then her doorknob jiggled then turned.

"Jane?" Frost called out. The door was unlocked.

"Kitchen." She sighed.

"You look tired."

"World renowned Sherlock Holmes, ladies and gentlemen." She rolled her eyes.

He scowled her. "And on your period."

She pointed her middle finger in his direction without giving him another look.

"You're home early." He closed the door behind himself. "Thought you had to go to New York. What? Doc ditched you in Vegas?"

She looked down at Jo. "He thinks he's funny." The small dog barked.

"Alright, I'm no Bernie Mac but what happened?"

She shrugged. "We got a little sidetracked."

"By?"

Jane scooped the sandwich she'd been working on in her hands then wiggled her fingers.

"Is that..." He walked around the counter and grabbed her hand. He studied the ring. "Did you?" He looked at her and she only nodded. "You got married?!"

She only nodded again. As if it were old news. As if it'd happened years ago and she was already over the thrill of her relationship. As if the honeymoon stage was now over.

"That's..." He was at a loss for words. "Finally! Jeez, I mean I didn't think y'all would jump into it so quickly and with both feet but shit, if you love her that much why the fuck not? I'm so happy for you Jane. You didn't have to travel all the way across the country to do that though. Massachusetts fully recognizes same-sex marriage. And we all were rooting for you two to – "

"Wait." She stopped him. "What?"

"I'm happy for you." He summed with a shrug.

"This wasn't planned, Frost." She glared at him. "We got a little too drunk."

"Wait, what?" Now he was just as confused her. "You two are married, though."

"Yeah, it was a mistake according to her."

"You don't think it was?"

"I do." She walked back around the counter. She dropped the sandwich onto a plate and took off the ring. Thinking about it, fuck talking about it was making her angry all over again. She was back at the punching bag. "We shouldn't have gone to Vegas."

"Wait," Frost propped down on the bar stool at her counter. "You think the mistake was getting married in Vegas rather getting married at all?"

"We shouldn't have gotten married at all." She punched the bag. "Because marriage is about love and kids and all that crap. And she doesn't love me that way. And she doesn't want kids with me. She loves Dennis. She wants his kids. But, this marriage will never have existed in a matter of hours."

He was quiet for a moment. "Have you told Casey?"

"Broke up with him the minute we got back." She shrugged. "He sounded a little relieved. He gets to focus on getting his strength back."

"Do you think she'll ever tell anyone?"

"Doubt it."

"What about you?" He took a bite of a sandwich and it hadn't gone unnoticed by the Italian. "Will you ever tell anyone but me?"

"The huge mistake I made with my best friend?"

"Wife." Frost corrected. "Technically, until the annulment, she's your wife."

She glared at him.

He smiled.

"I'll hurt you." She warned. He bit into her sandwich again and grinned as he chewed it. Jane wasn't going to hurt him. She needed him to keep her secret.

* * *

"I'm so glad you're finally home." Angela Rizzoli relaxed into the couch. "The boys have been driving me crazy. _When is Doc getting back? When will Doc be home? Boy, Jane and the Doc are sure taking forever in Vegas._" She made a face.

"My apologies, Angela." Maura had spent the entire morning attempting to get a hold of some judges she'd known personally. Some that owed her favors.

"Dennis has dropped by every single day this week to check on things and see if you came back early." The older woman closed her eyes. "Lovely man."

"He is." Maura agreed, less convincingly. Angela picked up on it and smiled. Just what she needed for some Maura flavored gossip.

"I wonder if you two will settle down." She didn't have to look at Maura to know that the woman was staring at her. Of course, Angela had been clueless about her marriage to Jane. Up until now. "He wants kids. Do you?"

"Jane told you." She accused, her voice flat.

"That you don't want kids?" She peeked and looked through the large LCD plasma screen that worked as a mirror just as well as it did a television. "She doesn't tell me things like that."

"No," Maura took a few steps to the living room. "About our marriage."

Angela's eyes shot open and she jumped from the couch. "You're married?!"

"She didn't tell you?" Calm. Maura was trained by her reserved mother to always stay calm.

"No!" She almost screamed. "You traveled all the way across the country to marry my daughter without inviting me?" Her voice hitched in the latter of the sentence. There hadn't even been a handful of times Angela had ever been mad at Maura. The two always got along so perfectly. But, there was always a first time for everything. Today, there had been a plenty of firsts for Maura. Waking up naked next to Jane. Waking up married. Feeling something that was more than just platonic for Jane. Or at least volitionally accepting there were more than platonic feelings there. But, she would never employ those feelings to the mistake she'd made with the Detective.

"It was never planned." Maura spoke carefully. "The entire ordeal has been an excruciating misconception."

"So...you didn't mean to marry my Janie?" Angela was well aware of the sting in her words but she was too hurt as a mother to care that she was being rude to the woman she thought of as a daughter. Blood is thicker than water she always told Jane. She now wondered if she truly believed that herself.

"No."

"But you're wearing the ring." She noticed.

Maura looked down. "I am." She could hypothesize that she'd been the one that manipulated Jane into buying that ring. It was one of the memories she had from last night. Stumbling and laughing into the jewelry store.

* * *

_It was late. But not late enough. Maura couldn't be sure but she knew that she was off balance and _everything _seemed funny. _

_ "We're closing." The short man announced behind the glass column. Inside of it had been rows of beautifully cut rings. _

_ "Won't take long." Jane told him with a grin. "Gonna get married." She gestured between the two women. At this point, they hadn't been nearly as drunk as they were when they got married. _

_ "Congratulations." The man smiled. "Could we make this quick ladies?" _

_ The two women stumbled to the man. Jane pointed. "That one?" _

_ "No." Maura shook her head like a child getting ready to throw a tantrum. _

_ "That one?" The brunette pointed to another ring. _

_ "No." She shook her head again. The small man cleared his throat. Jane held up an impatient finger. "This one." Maura pointed. _

_ "This one?" Jane looked at the price. Her eye balls almost fell out of her skull and rolled twenty feet out the door and caught a cab to the airport. _

_ "It's beautiful, Jane." _

_ "You know, I would pick some ridiculously expensive ring to get back at you but it wouldn't even put a dint into your savings. Let alone your trust fund." _

_ "Not really," Maura shrugged. "It wouldn't." _

_ "Give me the damn ring." She said to the rep. He nodded. _

_ And Maura all the while looked like a child getting to pick out a puppy at the pound. Just when Jane was sure the smile on her face couldn't get any bigger, it grew. To a size that sort of the scared the brunette a little. She kissed Maura. Not because she was happy she could make the other woman that happy. Not because they were about to get married. Not because she was drunk. But, because it was something she genuinely wanted to do and had wanted to do for a very long time. The kiss was sloppy. Wet. Slippery. Tongues collided lazily and dexterously. The only reason for the conclusion had been the small man clearing his throat. But, Jane only hoped it was the first of many. And for that night, it actually had been. _

* * *

Their final kiss had been after they'd made love and before they'd fallen asleep. Of course, neither woman had come to that memory just yet.

"You're still wearing the ring." Angela said again as she walked around the couch into the area between the living room and kitchen. "Why?"

Maura looked at the ring again. "I'm not sure." She frowned. She'd wanted to offer Angela more. Because I'm in love with Jane. Because it's stuck on my finger and the only way to get it off would be to saw off my appendage. Because wedding rings are in and bracelets are out. But, there wasn't much she could give the older woman. And not knowing bothered her. More than the fact that one-third of those reasons were possibly true.

Mrs. Rizzoli had opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it. Maura was in thought. Staring at the ring on her hand. She looked three parts confused, nervous, and maybe even a little proud.


	3. Chapter 3

There were only a few times Jane could ever recall being nervous. Her first day at BPD being one of them. But, she was definitely nervous. She sat in the small lobby of Judge Traceman. Who had connections with Constance Isles. Who had no idea as to why Maura had needed a favor called in. No one else needed to know of their marriage.

"Jane," Maura spoke softly. "Your anxiety is superfluous. It's inhospitable. Judge Traceman is very negotiable and understanding according my mother."

But that didn't stop her jitters. Her entire right leg shook. She was sure she was burning calories. "I'm not nervous." She almost laughed but her face grew serious and she sighed. "Okay, maybe I am." She ran long fingers through dark hair. "But, I grew up Catholic and though that doesn't mean much to you, I feel like God is getting ready to strike me down."

"I have never known you to partake in Catholic customs,"

"I pray at Sunday dinner."

"Briefly." Maura raised an eyebrow. "After your mother threatens you."

Jane glared for a moment but then relaxed. "I guess you're right."

"As always." The honey-blonde's smile was smug but jocular. "Things are going to be fine."

"Rizzoli." The judge's secretary announced from a file.

"That's us." Maura smiled. Normally, in this situation, when either woman were upset, they would take one another's hand. But, when ending their marriage, the gesture seemed inappropriate. So, they only smiled at each other and settled for light brushes of their skin.

"Ah," Judge Traceman was young. Their age in fact. And Jane couldn't help but notice her obvious beauty. Blonde hair and blue eyes. She was wrinkle-free. "Jane Rizzoli. How odd is it to have you in my office."

"I'm sorry?"

"Well," She looked down at the file her secretary had handed back to her. "I have seen you in court. You are very convincing." She smirked, her eyes skating across the brunette's surface. Jane knew that look. She'd given that look many times before.

_She's flirting, she has to be._ Jane smiled. "Thanks." She shot a confused glance to Maura, who only gritted her teeth, against her better judgment.

"Have a seat." Traceman gestured. Both women obliged. "An annulment. Tragic really." She said to her secretary. The young woman nodded slowly in agreement. But Traceman was no where near doleful about it. Her tone was more bittersweet. "Why are we ending this marriage?" She flipped through papers – which were covered in either printed letters or Maura's handwriting on facts about the marriage.

Maura looked from Jane to Traceman. "Too many drinks in Vegas." She summed.

The judge was thoughtful. "What about you, Rizzoli? Why are you ending this marriage?"

"It's what she wants." Jane chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"But, it's not what you want?"

"I want what she wants."

"And if she didn't want this marriage to end?"

Maura looked at her, uncertain of what she was hopeful about. Maybe she wanted Jane to want the same thing as her. Maybe she wanted Jane to fight for their marriage.

"I'm Catholic." Jane sighed. "I would want to at least work on it before we threw it into the fire."

Traceman looked between the woman. Amusement ghosted her face. "Do you love each other?"

"We have a cordial way of loving one another." Maura explained. "She is my best friend."

"Are you in love with each other?" Traceman asked, slightly annoyed with Maura's waltz around her metaphorical bush. It was obvious this woman was finding ways around the truth. But this question had stumped both women. It was a straightforward question they couldn't back away from. And they both sat there silent. Looking down into their hands. "As attracted to you as I am, Rizzoli." She closed the file. "I can't allow this marriage to end and I don't know of any judge who will. I want to see some commitment, some participation before I sign off on this annulment."

Jane swallowed hard. "What does that mean exactly?"

"You two got married." The judge took off her glasses and leaned in. "That means either you two are about the dumbest that dumb can get or while you were off your ass drunk and running around Las Vegas, feelings surfaced. And for a moment you allowed yourself to explore those feelings. So you got married. Before God or whoever you may believe in, you stood and gave your lives to each other. That is not taken too lightly in the court of law. So, before you make a mockery of God and again whoever you believe in, before you make a mockery of marriage, I want you to try. I want you to date like a normal couple. I want you to live together like a normal couple. Go to social gatherings like a normal couple. And as volatile as it seems, go to counseling like a normal couple. I want you to make this marriage work before you_ throw it into the fire_. I will need three character witnesses besides your marriage counselor."

Jane and Maura looked at each other.

"Might I make a suggestion?" Traceman looked at the women, sternly. "Though I inspire you to become direct with each other, I highly encourage you to be honest with yourselves first."

The women nodded, dumbly.

"If you can give me six months of involvement and commitment to this marriage," She smiled, gingerly. "I can give you your annulment. This marriage will have never happened."

Again, the women only nodded.

Traceman grinned. "The minor details can be taken care of between you." She bashed her gavel. With true belief she was doing both of these women justice. Because it had been so obvious the marriage itself wasn't the mistake but the ceremony had been.

* * *

Nothing will go wrong she'd said. Nothing will go wrong. Jane Rizzoli ran with anger. Force. But anger. For her best friend. Her wife. Her what the fuck ever. She ran and she was pissed. She didn't want six months of marriage. Not with Maura. Not if Maura didn't want and that much was obvious. Because the Medical Examiner had been making calls. She'd been making calls to other judges and lawyers and all of them somehow agreed with Traceman. They hadn't been married long enough to get it annulled. But Jane knew juice when she saw it. She had juice. They all feared Traceman.

She rounded the corner to her street and from there she could see her mother's car parked behind hers on the street. She sighed. She was going to have to deal with one mean, mad, and nosy Angela Rizzoli. Because if Jane knew Maura, her Ma hadn't gotten shit from her.

"Hi, Ma." Jane said as she closed the door to her apartment.

"Look who has time to talk." Angela said from the kitchen.

The Detective rolled her eyes as she strolled into the small kitchen. She kissed her mother's cheek then turned to the refrigerator and reached for a bottle of water. "Kind of hard to ignore you when you're in my apartment."

"You never let that stop you before." Angela looked at her. "I'm sensing you actually want to talk this time."

"Even if I did want to talk, it wouldn't be to you." She sighed. She received a hurt look from her mother and mentally punched herself. "Because there are some things from that night that both uncomfortable for me to say to you and probably uncomfortable for you to hear."

"Did you two have sex?" Angela asked, unfiltered.

"Probably." Jane took a swig of the water.

"Hard part's over with." The older woman shrugged. "That was different but not weird. You're a grown woman, I have come to terms with your active sex life. Or well, the fact that you lack one."

The Detective glared.

"You know what's funny?" Angela was chopping peppers. She popped a green into her mouth and chewed for a moment.

"Humor me." Jane dropped down onto the couch.

"You're still wearing your ring." The older woman said as she chopped away. "Maura was wearing hers this morning when she left for her run."

"Well we're required to this marriage seriously."

"Huh." Angela had never known her daughter to completely follow the rules. Not even at work did she do that. But when it came to being married to Maura, she was going to follow everything by the book and then some? She knew of plenty couples who didn't always wear their rings. Especially when neither of them supposedly didn't want the marriage to begin with.

"So I was thinking," Jane broke the silence as both women thought. "We need some witnesses other than the marriage counselor. Frost agreed. If you agree, we'll only need one more."

"You want me to help you get a divorce?"

"Help me get an annulment. Which, by the way, I checked. Isn't a sin." The something cold and small hit the back of the brunette's head. She turned and glared at her mother. "All you have to do is say that we're trying. We're living together. Dating each other. All that good stuff."

"I won't lie."

"You won't have to."

"Then you got yourself a witness." As long as they tried, Angela was satisfied. It was far as they could be pushed. If nothing happened, then all of her assumptions, all of her hopes would be nothing. Then there really wasn't anything between them then. But, they had to at least try.

"We'll need some privacy."She bit her lip. "You can have my apartment until...you know."

"I would rather live in a prison cell."

Jane glared. "Yeah well I would rather not be married so boo freaking hoo."


	4. Chapter 4

Jane was asleep in the guesthouse. Maura sat awake in her bedroom. Leaning against the headboard with a book in her hands. Her legs crossed. Her glasses were at the tip of her nose. The lamp next to her was dim. She'd waited until the Detective had retired to bed, and even then she'd waited until the lights in the guesthouse were off, to break out her self help book on lesbian marriage. Which, required all the same skills as straight marriage. Love one another. Don't cheat. Compromise. All the stuff she'd already been equipped for. But, for some reason, even though she knew all the obvious stuff like not cheating or lying or killing anyone close to Jane. All the obvious things. She still felt like she had no freaking clue what she was doing.

She had to try. And Jane was doing her part. She'd moved in within two days. She'd offered to sleep on the couch or in the now empty guesthouse. All Maura had offered was hyphenating her name to Maura Isles-Rizzoli. But in six months, she would only go back to being Maura Isles because Maura Isles-Rizzoli will have never existed, legally.

It obviously wasn't enough. And it probably didn't mean much to Jane.

On the other side of her bed, which was where Jane would have been, lie Jo Friday. Watching her read. Maura glanced over the book at the small dog and gave a censurable smile. "I may be out of my depth in this one, Jo." It was almost an apology. To the dog. As if she'd been sorry that Jo had to switch homes for something that was obviously not going to work out. She felt at fault.

Maura closed the book. She wasn't learning anything new. And there wasn't a book written about to make a sham of a marriage from Las Vegas work when both parties were clearly out of their grade, one obviously more so than the other and being forced by law to do so.

_Maybe after this you could be the writer of said book._ Maura told herself. _If you manage a way to make this work._

* * *

Maura's bedroom – _our bedroom now, I guess, _was something you would expect to see in MTV's Cribs. Designed by someone who'd dedicated their life to styling other peoples homes. It was comfortable. The colors were all calm. Nothing too bright or dark. Everything was just right and it kind of bothered Jane. How perfect Maura was. Because she knew that the Medical Examiner had designed the room herself. She designed the entire house. And everything was perfect. How many cues did Maura take from Martha Stewart?

It was five in the morning, and Jane could hear the artificial sounds of Boston and also the natural sounds. Such as the bird songs, the rain, and the wind. Somewhere in the distance, there had been a police siren wailing. But, none of these sounds seemed to even disturb Maura's sleep. Not that the honey-blonde was a heavy sleeper. But, she must have been used to these sounds. Sleeping with her bedroom window opened.

Jane watched Maura sleep from the bedroom door, as she leaned her entire left side on it. Maura, for her part, looked as relaxed as an infant. She only wished that Maura could stay that way. Maybe she could stay that way and Jane could be enough.

Jo Friday sneezed.

Maura's eyes opened slowly.

Jane tried to look like her attention had been elsewhere, but she looked awkward. Trying to avoid eye contact with the Medical Examiner. Maura looked at her, but they didn't make eye contact. She looked down at her body, her attire was appropriate. Aside from her boxers, which sagged on her like death to fashion, Jane wore a Boston Homicide Unit shirt.

"Going back to work today." Jane walked into the room. She'd been the only one. Maura had extended her vacation by just a few days to go visit her parents in New York as they'd planned. She'd offered for Jane to join her but the Detective would have felt awkward to be introduced to them as her wife now. So, she declined, politely. Coming up with some excuse about work and that was the only reason she was going back to work early. To turn her lie into a truth.

"I'll be back on Friday." Maura told her. "We can discuss in depth then."

Jane gave her one nod then scooped up Jo Friday as an excuse for her being in the room in the first place, other than being a perv for watching Maura sleep. Things had never been awkward between them. They'd always been so comfortable with each other. But, this was definitely awkward.

"I'll go take her for a walk." She scratched the back of her neck while the small dog obviously protested. Which only made things a little embarrassing. "I'll see you Friday."

"Friday." It was a confirmation and a promise in one. Maura watched Jane leave. A sad look in her own eyes. Things were quickly falling apart between them. And she had no idea how she could fix it.

Coffee. Coffee was good. It was always good. Coffee was a fucking necessity if she was going to get through her day. There had been so many obvious flaws to her day. One being the fact that she'd woken up slightly confused. She was way out of her element, waking up in her mother's bed. Normally, if she awoke at Maura house, it was in a guest room or the couch or even Maura's bed. But, no. That wasn't where she was this time and for a moment, she'd forgotten all of what had happen so far in the week. Marrying her best friend was probably the worst idea Jane had ever had. She'd decided that as she sipped her scolding coffee. It burned all the way down.

Frost sat across from her with a smirk on his face. One she wanted to use her scolding hot coffee to wipe away. She contemplated throwing the lava in his face but decided he was decently useful in some of their cases, she was going to keep him around.

"Keep looking at me that way, Frost." She clicked the mouse for her computer. The machine hummed to life. "I'll use my gun to wipe that pretty little smile right off your face."

He only shook his head and laughed. "Alright, Janie."

"Don't call me Janie." She snapped as she typed in her password.

"Janie." He mumbled under his breath as he typed at his own keyboard. She ignored him. Simply because she didn't need marriage and time in jail on her record.

"You wanna tell me why you're taking shots at the kid, Rizzoli?" Korsak asked from his desk. Jane only sipped shook her head and sipped her coffee.

"She's just mad because I know her secret." Frost's tone matched that of a child who knew a secret but refused to give it up.

"And if you know what's good for you," She glared at him. "You'll keep your fucking mouth shut."

Frost's smile quickly faded.

Korsak's eyebrows shot up as she looked at the two partners. "You two wanna tell me what's going on here?"

"Nothing." Jane and Frost retorted. Her tone more irritated and his more fearful.

"As your sergeant, I demand to know."

"As my sergeant?" Jane laughed. "Korsak, how long have I known you?"

"Long time, Rizzoli."

"You think you can pull that shit on me?" He only looked at her. Afraid to even answer now. "I was waitin' to see how long it would take for you to pull that." She smirked.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. Measuring his next words. "Alright, Rizzoli." He raised his hands in surrender. He sighed. "I don't want to know what the hell it is."

Jane wore a look of triumphant to hide her relief.

And the subject would have dropped if it hadn't been for Angela Rizzoli. Jane could hear her mother flirting with one of the older detectives in her unit. She slapped her hands over her face and suppressed a loud groan.

"Hey," Angela dropped a folded over brown paper bag with grease staining the bottom onto her desk. Jane checked to see if there were any important files underneath. The desk was clear. "Just thought I should bring something for you before you forget about my cooking. With your new wife and all."

Korsak's head whipped around. But, he kept his mouth shut.

Jane groaned. "Ma, no."

"I bet some of you don't even know." The older woman smiled, as if she was delivering good news of democracy. "Janie here," She gestured to her slumped over daughter. "decided to get married last weekend."

"Wife?" Korsak whispered to Frost. The dark man only nodded, frantically. When Jane whipped her head up, he was suddenly interested in scratching something invisible off his tie.

"What's this?" Lt. Cavanaugh had an eyebrow raised at the group. "Rizzoli you tied the knot? That's why you skipped out of town? What? Because I'm your boss, I don't get an invite?"

"No, Loo." She shook her head. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh?" He wasn't convinced and Jane wanted to fall out of reality.

"No." She sighed. "It wasn't planned. It was sort of a spur of the moment type thing."

"Well who's the lucky fell-" He snapped his mouth close. "Wait, your Ma said wife."

"Yeah."

"You got married to a woman."

"Yep."

"Is it Dr. Isles?"

Either he was a lot better at being a cop than Jane thought or she had Maura's name written on her forehead. Those were the only two options to her. "Yes." She sighed.

There was a chorus of cheers throughout the bullpen and Jane looked around. She was confused. "What..."

"Well fucking finally," Detective Crowe shook his head.

"Excuse me?" She glared.

"Hey, Rizzoli." Detective Owens' voice was louder than the rest. She turned to him as she rubbed her hands. "You ain't married to the force anymore, what the fuck are you still doing here? Go give some time to the Doc." He winked.

The laurels got louder and Jane wanted to pull out her gun and shoot them all.

She subconsciously played with the ring on her finger. "Alright, guys. Thanks." She tried to hide her vexation and plethora for the situation but she was sure it was transparent with a room of decent detectives. "Uh, let's just get back to work."

Party Pooper Rizzoli was going to be her new nick name.

"Ma," She didn't even look at her mother as she sat back down. "If you know what's best for you, you'd get the hell out of here. Now."

Angela wasn't threatened. She wasn't afraid of her daughter. She had no reason to be. Of all the embarrassment she'd caused Jane all of her life and the Detective had never done a thing about it? But, of course she wasn't going to stay any longer to see if Jane would suddenly change her mind about it all and become one of those children that shoot their parents. Not with all the rash decisions Jane had been making lately. Her marriage being one case and point. She left without another word.

"So," Korsak whistled as he stared at his old partner. "You, uh, married the Doc?"

"Korsak." She clenched her jaw as she looked at her screen. "I will fucking point and shoot."

"Alright, alright." He laughed. "Trust me, you don't have to chop my balls off for this one."


	5. Chapter 5

Maura had always admired her parents' homes. Every single one of them. And if asked, she'd volitionally adjudge that they'd inspired the design for her own home. Maura waited as the maid went to go get her mother. It was a surprise. Neither of her parents had really known she was coming, and the surprise seemed dull now. It didn't seem as exciting as it was supposed to be now that Jane wasn't at her side.

Maura's bags were carried off by another maid and she walked into the living area. The large living area. Their home was much more larger than her own. A mansion, Jane would call it. Maura smiled at the thought of her best friend – her _wife _– freaking out of the size of this home. She looked at the photos on the wall above the fireplace. Plenty had been of her. But almost none of her with her parents. There had been one of her family but it was twenty-five years old. She looked a little out of place in the home. Or at least she felt out of place. She clutched her purse in her hands, ready to break for it at any moment.

There were footsteps from the second story of the home and Maura turned. Her father was coming down the stairs.

"Daughter," He grinned, his arms already stretched for his daughter.

"Father," Maura dropped her purse onto the nearby couch as she walked to her father. Roland Isles wrapped his arms around his daughter and squeezed as tightly as he could without hurting her.

"My, how you have been missed." He whispered into her hair. "Let me have a look at you." He pulled her away, and studied her. "You have a glow, darling."

"Do I?" She laughed, nervously as she ran fingers through her hair.

His face fell then he grinned. He spotted the ring. "Have you gotten married, sweetheart?" He pulled her to the couch and sat her down. "Is it Daniel? Your mother has mentioned him in passing."

"Dennis." She corrected. "No."

"Ah," He sighed as he folded his hands over his chest. "True love struck at an unconventional moment, I presume?"

She couldn't lie. And she wouldn't dare. But, she didn't know what to say. "It was a spur of the moment decision."

"I certainly hope it is not a stranger." His face fell.

She shook her head and he smiled again. "Certainly no, father." She licked her lips as she looked down at her hand.

"Well?" He pressed his lips together.

"Well?" She tried to look serene. But, truly, she needed her mother. Maura loved her father. She loved him a lot and recently, she'd been becoming close with him as well as her mother. But, she was closer with Constance. And she needed her mother to tell her she had made a huge mistake with Jane. It was her mother's word she trusted more right now.

"Where is he?"

She swallowed hard and looked around. "Uhm..." She could feel her heart racing in her chest. "Father..."

He studied her a moment then touched her hand. "Honey, I do not judge."

She wasn't sure of his word. She hadn't known her parents enough to be able to tell if they would judge her. And right now, frankly, she actually needed some judgment. Some criticism.

"Where is mother?"

He seemed hurt but he tried to appear as if it didn't hurt him at all. "She is asleep. Physical Therapy has exhausted her."

"Oh." Maura looked at her watch. It was evening.

"Dinner should be done in just a few hours." He smiled. "She will be awake by then."

"I'm sorry, father."

"Don't be." He took her hands. "I love you, even if you are hesitant to trust me. You shouldn't. I have not been there for the way I should have been. I only hope to gain your trust."

She didn't know what to say so she just smiled. "Thank you."

"Freshen up, dear."

Maura had just realized how tired she was from all of the traveling. Going to Las Vegas. Coming back from Las Vegas. Going to New York. She was tired. Physically. And quite frankly, emotionally.

"It is wonderful to have you here, Maura."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek before rising and going to her old bedroom. Although she'd spent much time at this house growing up, nearly every estate her parents' owned, Maura always had a bedroom. And that was how she knew she was always welcome.

The room resembled a young Maura Isles. She was very lonely and comfortable. The room was comfortable. All that occupied it was a bed, a dresser, a desk, and a chest at the foot of the bed. There were no paintings, no photos, no posters. Nothing. But, in the chest had been medical books she had completely forgotten about.

Maura Isles had always been interested in medicine. Even as a child. She was always interested in how to fix a broken arm. Or how to save a severed foot.

She hadn't realized when she'd fallen asleep reading Dr. Ratherford's Clinical Trial of Alzheimer's until she awoke with her mother sitting next to her on her bed.

"Mother," Maura whispered.

"You have married." Constance smiled. "Terrific."

Maura closed her eyes again. "Yes." She wanted to smile. But had it been something joyous? "I've married Jane Rizzoli, mother."

"Oh?" Constance stroked her daughter's hair. "_Oh._"

"Yes." Maura sat up. "So, is it so terrific now?"

"Well," The older woman faltered, unsure what to say. "I-I'm not one to judge-" She sighed then tried again. "Are you happy, darling? Jane Rizzoli was a lovely woman. She certainly cares a great deal about you." Without Jane, Maura and Constance wouldn't be as close as they were now. Maura was completely uninformed to that piece of the puzzle and Jane was more than willing for Constance's sake to keep it that way.

"We married Saturday night in Las Vegas, mother." The honey-blonde groaned. "We were profoundly inebriated."

"That certainly justifies a great deal of the situation."

"So, you agree? It was a terrible idea?" When Constance only looked off, Maura sighed. "Answer me, please."

"You've yet to answer _my_ question, darling."

Maura looked down at the ring on her finger. The ring she was sure cost Jane at least some financial insecurity. But, the fact that Jane would do that for her. Jane would do anything for her. "I have always told myself what we have is just platonic."

"Are you happy?" Constance tried again.

"It was a mistake." She decided.

"Then, I support you."

Maura smiled, despite the feeling in her stomach. She wasn't completely sure but she was going to conquer those feelings just like she had conquered most of her childhood grievances.

* * *

The day was finally over. Jane had her nose deep in cold case files down in the basement, away from everyone congratulating her. And even some people giving her shit about being married to a woman. And if she could set the record straight, she would have. But, she wanted to appear as happy in this marriage as possible so that there wouldn't be any doubt for the annulment. Legally, her marriage wasn't going to exist in six months. But, realistically, she was never going to live down letting the great Dr. Isles go. Because that was what the story was going to be when they 'split'. Things just didn't work out. They were just too different. Although obviously it wouldn't have taken six months for her to figure that out. But, that was what she was going to go with.

Jane snuck out the back exit. She had to take the stairs and walk all the way around the building to get to the front to her cruiser. Driving home was different. Because she knew all the turns she made were wrong. They weren't to her home. But, legally – and she was getting extremely tired of having to justify everything as legal now – Maura's home _was _her home. Maura's guesthouse was _her _guesthouse. She took a left where she should have taken a right. Then a right where she should have taken a left.

When she pulled up into the driveway, she noticed all of the lights of the home were off. At least this felt like it should. Coming home to no one. The guesthouse was just as empty. Jo Friday greeted her with a chorus of barks as she kicked the door shut with her foot. She used her toes of each foot to discharge her boots then padded to the kitchen that was somehow smaller than Maura's but larger than her own at her apartment.

The refrigerator was empty. Well, it was actually full but what Jane craved was absent. She'd wanted beer. She wanted a nice cold beer and something to distract her. As she crossed the small path to Maura's back door, Jo followed her. The door was locked.

"Ha," She pulled out her keys. "Door tried to keep me out." She turned the lock. "I got the key." Jo Friday barked at her side. "Damn straight."

The house was cold. The kind of cold Jane was used to because of so much time in the basement today. And all the time she spent in the morgue with Maura. There were two six packs in the refrigerator. Jane smiled. Maura had gone out and got the six packs for her today, because when she'd checked last night, there hadn't been any beer. And at first she thought it would have been a long shot to even find anything she desired in here, but she couldn't renounce the fact that maybe she just wanted to be close to Maura's stuff.

She sat on the couch and turned the plasma on as she kicked her feet up on the coffee table. Jo Friday jumped on the couch next to her and lied her head on the Detective's lap. Jane downed her beer until she couldn't see straight.

She walked to Maura's bedroom. It was empty. That was to be expected. The bed was made. There wasn't a thing on the floor or out of place. Jane frowned. She only wished she'd kept her room that clean. When she went back to the guesthouse, Jo Friday tailgating her, she couldn't help the voice inside her head that reminded her that they were two very different people. Maura liked wine. Jane liked beer. Maura liked to read. Jane liked to watch TV. Maura was smart and successful. Jane was dumb and settled for anything, even a job that constantly put her in harms way. Nevermind the fact that she loved her job. But, still. Not everyone settles for what they love when they know they deserve so much more. There are just some times when you just need to say no.

She was never going to be good enough for Maura and the sooner she realized that, the sooner her marriage would over and the sooner she could actually try to move on.

The terrible thing about realizing you're in love with your best friend is after also realizing they don't love you back, you have no idea how the hell to go back to what you were before. And Jane had no idea how _not _to love Maura. How _not _want to be close with her. How _not_ to want to be everything Maura needed. She had no idea what the hell she was doing. She just knew that she was going to give Maura whatever she wanted. And if that was a divorce or an annulment, then so be it.

* * *

Even on vacation, Maura would never miss the opportunity to work out. She was dressed and ready for a run. She knew the area well because Maura remembered everything. And if she got lost, she could always call her father or her mother.

"How nice is it to see you again," An older gray-haired maid said as Maura tried to quietly close her bedroom door. She was so used to having to sneak out of her own house, that she hadn't realized that no one else but Angela was that actively involved in her love life or even just her life. Her parents cared but they never hovered. And when she was younger – and even sometimes now – she wished that they had. Their love was seen from afar, if ever seen at all. They would ask the help, the tutors, the teachers, and sometimes even the neighbors how Maura was doing as she grew up. But, they never asked her.

"Mrs. Bradshaw." She smiled, tightly. In this particular home, Mrs. Bradshaw had seen Maura grow up. It was mostly from the ages of five to seven. Then again from twelve to thirteen. And they never saw each other again. But, when Mrs. Bradshaw had seen Maura, it was always to take care of her the way her parents didn't. "How are you?"

The older woman was around Angela's age. But, taking care of her own family and then other families made her look a lot older and tired. She worked herself ragged. "I am well, dear."

"Good." Maura patted her pocket for the spare house key. It was there. "How are your children?" She walked with a bounce in her step, trying to appear happy. Because growing up, this woman had seen Maura at her worst. This woman had seen Maura when she craved the attention of her parents. When she broke things to try to put them back together again, and sometimes failed. This woman had seen a depressed Maura as a child. And she wanted to show her that she wasn't that way anymore. But her recent situation would make it appear as such.

"Married." Maura took Mrs. Bradshaw's hand to help her down the twenty-five stairs. "Speaking of married, I have heard that you are married now?"

She couldn't say she wasn't, because Mrs. Bradshaw had a hold of the hand with the ring on it. The very expensive ring that for some reason weighed a ton. "Yes." She smiled. "I am married."

"Good." She nodded. "As long as someone is making you happy."

It wasn't that this woman was insignificant. It wasn't that Maura thought she would go running off to tell her mother. It was that this woman somehow managed to get the truth out of her. Always. Like, when she was a child and she'd found a dead frog at the lake. She brought it back in her pocket and in her bedroom, she tried to dissect it. Mrs. Bradshaw had entered just in time to see Maura close the frog up. She hadn't been able to determine the cause of death back then. The older woman wasn't scared that Maura was so content with death. She wasn't scared that Maura had just done a necropsy. She wasn't afraid. She'd simply asked the reason for the young girl's curiosity. The young girl could have just walked away. She could have ordered the older woman to leave her room. She could have just changed the subject. But, instead, she opened up. She told her about her interest in the human body.

And now, twenty-four years later, she was opening up again. She could have just walked away. She could have just told the old woman to mind her own business. She could have just changed the subject. But, instead she felt the need to tell the honest truth. Not some form of the truth that kept her from hyperventilating.

"I believe I could be happy, if I just relaxed." She helped the woman sit. "Things have been very difficult for me recently, and I believe I have found bliss." She didn't mention the circumstance she was under. She didn't mention that it was to a woman. She didn't mention how it happened or that it would be over in a few months. She didn't mention that other than right now, she would never admit that to herself again. She didn't mention any of it because without these things, it was the truth. Without those inconsiderable details, she was being honest with herself.

"Good." Mrs. Bradshaw smiled up at her. "Enjoy your run, dear."

And Maura did.


	6. Chapter 6

Jane was on-call, but she decided she would go to her apartment. Which seemed to be the hotspot for all of her family. Frankie was there. Tommy was there. Her mother, of course, was there. She unlocked the front door and entered something that smelled like heaven. Her mother had something heavy on her mind. Jane and her brothers always took advantage of that. Angela cooked when she was bothered by something and she didn't know what to do about it.

But, with all the bad news and bad decisions she'd been making lately, Jane, just for today, didn't want to think about what was wrong with her mother. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. Or do anything about it.

"Hey," Frankie tossed a beer in his sister's direction.

If she hadn't looked in time, the beer would have smacked her right in the face.

"You on-call?" He asked, his voice almost apologetic. There had been plenty of times in their childhood that she hit him for no reason at all. It was _almost _apologetic.

"Yeah." She dropped her holster and badge on the coffee table. She carried it around with her just in case she would need it. And with the crime rate in this city? She would. Jane walked around the couch and into the kitchen. Her mother was stirring something delightful. "Hey, Ma." She kissed the older woman's cheek.

"Hey, baby." Angela's eyes didn't meet Jane's. "Are you still mad at me about yesterday?"

"Yes." Jane sighed. "But, I'm hungry. So, right now you're my favorite person."

Angela smiled. "I can take that."

"Ay, Janie." Tommy turned away from the loud television. "Ma says you married the Doc."

"Yeah, Tommy." She rolled her eyes. "I married Maura."

"Shit." He smiled. "Could have told me you had dibs on her."

"She's not a toy, Tommy." She glared. "She's a human being. I have no right to call dibs on her."

He was used to being chewed out by his older sister so he just shrugged. "Yeah, well. Congratulations is what I'm trying to say."

"Jesus, Janie." Frankie rolled his eyes. "Kid's trying to be nice."

"Thank you, Tommy." She said to her youngest brother. "Fuck you, Frankie." She threw to her other brother. Her mother hit her arm.

"Why isn't she here?" Frankie asked, despite his sister's harsh words.

"She's with her parents."

"To tell them all the good news?" Angela asked, quietly.

"Ma, you know there's no good news." Jane said in a low voice to keep Tommy from hearing. No one else besides Frankie, her Ma, and Frost needed to know this marriage was unintended and would be over in six months. Especially Tommy. As long as he was under the impression that Jane and Maura had come forth of their feelings, he would stay away from Maura. No more late night chess matches. Or any other late night activities they partook in. She grimaced and openly shuddered at the thought.

"I just hope you and Maura both come to your senses." Angela chose to ignore whatever inner monologue battle her daughter was caught in.

"We have." Jane sat down on the barstool on the other side of the counter. "We've come to realize this was a big ass mistake."

"We'll see." Angela smirked as she chopped the vegetables. Jane rolled her eyes but turned around in her seat to watch the game.

* * *

"Have you told Dennis?" Constance asked Maura, whom had joined her mother for physical therapy. They walked around the garden as the therapist stayed behind to watch. He trusted that Constance knew her limits.

Maura held her mother's hand as she tried to walk at a slow pace. "No." She took short strides along side her mother. "Normally, Jane would help me with this. She understands people far more than I do." Her facial recognition helped her understand emotions. To be able to see when people were upset. She just didn't understand why they would be upset. But, Jane didn't need that. She was already a master at understanding human emotion. She could recognize it. And interpret what it meant. She was able to recognize when Maura was hurt and why she hurt. As for Maura, she was only able to recognize when Jane was hurt. But, never understood why.

"_Honesty_, dear." Constance smiled at her daughter. "The best course of action is honesty."

"If I were _honest_," She stopped when her mother stopped. "I'm not sure where I would be, mother. Dennis and I would not be in a relationship. Jane would not be sleeping in my guesthouse."

"Would you be alone?"

"No." Maura said as if she didn't want to admit the truth.

"Tell me, dear." Urged Constance.

"There would no Judge Traceman. No Dennis. No Las Vegas." She glanced at the ring. "There would just be Jane and I."

"All those components aren't necessary, dear." Constance began walking slowly again. "Things could be that easy for you."

"It would never be easy." Maura shook her head. "Jane is deceptively complex. I would never understand her. Our opposition in social status makes her exceedingly disquieting and insecure. Our work. She and I were together, constantly. Almost every case of hers is assigned to me." She took a breath. "There will always be obstacles, mother. Why should I be selfish? Jane deserves a partner who will understand her in ways I simply cannot."

"Maura, dear," Constance stopped and looked at her daughter. "You are a beautiful woman. You're smart, and talented, and kind. Anyone would be thoughtfully fortunate to have you."

She smiled. Her mother had complimented her before. But, it was still so new to her. "Thank you." She had her hand over her heart and her other arm looped with her mothers. They walked for a while. In silence. Both in thought. Constance more in focus on regaining her strength and Maura more in focus on what to do. But, she'd already come to her decision long ago. Jane deserved so much more. And as her best friend, she was willing to do anything for her. So, she was going to give Jane everything. An annulment, her heart back, and Maura's absence.

"I was offered a job in New York."

* * *

Jane sat on her bar stool as her partner whispered flirtatious words in the ear of an all too eager young blonde. She claimed to be twenty-five and apparently it worked for Frost. Jane knew women and she knew that this girl couldn't be any older than twenty. At least she was of age. She also claimed to be studying Criminal Justice. This, Jane could believe. Everything else about her seemed fake. Her bleached hair was crinkled and coiled as if she'd just got out of the shower. Her skin was too tan for Boston women. Her height was given to her by the three inch heels she wore. She was just as tall as Frost. The girl was bold to come in and lie to a bunch of cops. But, Jane didn't say anything. She'd learned her lesson with Riley Cooper not to get involved in anything between Frost and women.

Frankie and Korsak were on the other side of her, chatting about something she didn't even care enough about. Something about girls in New Zealand? She tuned them out as soon as the conversation got a little too rated for her to bear.

So, really, she sat alone at the bar. Her only company: the three empty shot glasses in front of her and the bottle of Jack Daniels she wasn't really supposed to be downing, by herself.

"I heard you got married." Vinny, a muscled bartender said as he swiped some crumbs off the counter into his palm. "To the Doc."

"How'd you hear that?" She really didn't have to ask.

"Your Ma came in earlier to drop some of her cannoli's off."

"Eat them while you can, Vinny." She shook her head as she brought a new bottle of beer to her lips. "Because I'm going to kill my Ma."

"She's just happy for you." He tried to defend. "And to be honest, I sort of pulled it out of her. She was twitching. Holding in that huge secret made her twitch, Rizzoli."

"As long as she wasn't having a seizure..." She decided to just not finish that sentence. The three men that surrounded her were all oblivious to her conversation with Vinny. And the bar was a little emptier than usual.

"I can't let you drive home like this." The bartender said. "You know my rules."

She gave him a questioning look.

"You drink my beer, you get a cab home." Considering it was a cop bar, most of them went there to get drunk and forget about their problems. Or at least drunk enough to feel some sort of happiness for a moment. The bar offered a distraction. To everyone in that place.

She rolled her eyes. The first time she'd met Vinny, she'd heard his rules. No going home with strangers that looked too creepy to him. No having sex in his bar. No fighting. But, all of these rules applied if you drank his beer. And he worked every damn night, so it was always his damn beer.

"Call me a damn cab." She turned her stool around. "Make it quick."

Jane thanked her cabbie. She tipped him a little more than he probably deserved but she thanked him for getting her home after she gave him an earful of her current situation. Perhaps, he actually did deserve the twenty dollar tip. She sighed as she opened the front door to Maura's house. Instead of turning right and going straight, she went straight up to the front door.

The lights were dimmed but not completely off like she's left them. "Ma?"

No answer. She was suddenly alarmed and a little afraid.

"Tommy?" She called out, in hopes it actually had been her brother just sneaking around. She grabbed the gun at her holster. Only holding it in place now, not yet pulling it out.

Just as she'd decided it was time to pull the gun out, she heard light footsteps and a jingle from Jo Friday's collar.

The gun was pointed at Maura. The woman stopped in her tracks. Her face mirrored her exact fear. She was afraid. And Jane was obviously drunk but managed to keep still and keep lock on her target.

"Jane," She tried, softly. Taking a small step to the woman. They were feet apart but it felt like inches with that gun between them. "Jane, it's me. Maura." Any sudden move and it all could be over.

The brunette sighed. Her hands dropped. The gun at her side. "Shit, Maura!" She almost collapsed. Her hands shook and she tried her best to hide it. "Fuck!" The doctor was in front of her, almost instantly. Taking the weapon from the shaking hands and emptying it. She hid it in the closet on the top shelf before she returned back to Jane. Whom was stuck in place.

"I almost shot you." The brunette said. Her words low. Anger draining her very pores. "I almost shot you."

"But, you didn't."

"You should have answered me." She began to sway.

"I didn't hear you."

It was then, that Jane had realized she could hear the faint sound of music coming from Maura's room. The woman's door had been left open now and it was the sound of blues.

"God, you could have been killed." Her fear turned to rage again. "You left the door unlocked! Who the hell does that?"

"Me." Maura sighed. "I've been waiting for you to return all night!"

"I have a key!"

The honey-blonde took a deep breath, already putting breaks on the situation. "Let's just...calm down. Take a deep breath."

Jane looked at her as if she was batshit crazy before she closed her eyes and inhaled. It was a slow intake but she peeked at Maura then closed her eyes suddenly again when she noticed hazel eyes staring right back at her.

"Good." Maura smiled. "Better?"

Despite the fact that Maura had just treated her as if she were a child, Jane felt better. She almost lied about admitting it but they had to work on the marriage. They had to. "Yeah," she breathed. "Better."

Maura displayed her entire set of teeth as she smiled. And Jane's heart almost melted right there between them. "I made dinner." The honey-blonde announced.

"Did you?" The brunette followed her wife into the kitchen.

"I would offer you a beer but..." She frowned. "You seemed to have finished them off."

"It's been a rough week." No need to tell her she'd finished the beers in just two nights. But, it _had _been a rough week. With getting married and catching a real big case that had the entire city scared shitless. Even Jane. Which was why she'd been so angry that Maura even considered to leave her door unlocked. Surely, the Doctor had to have heard of the Black Jacks case they were dealing with.

Far too many women killed. Far too many men involved in the murders. Too many to catch it scared the Boston Police Department. Although they would never admit to it.

"I've heard." Maura said as she heated the food in the expensive, and apparently far more convenient than a microwave, oven. "Approximately eight men involved if not more are murdering women at night. Some breaking into their homes. Others targeting them on the streets at night."

"So I'm thinking, you shouldn't leave your door unlocked." The Detective said as she leaned against the counter. "Please? For the sake of my sanity...if something happened to you..." She couldn't finish the sentence, let alone the thought. She wouldn't have any idea how bad things could get if she'd lost Maura. If Maura had left her, she could handle. She could handle Maura walking away because she'd always suspected that one day, the Doctor would. But, if Maura just didn't exist anymore? She couldn't handle that.

Boston would be turned upside down in a vengeful rage.

"I will leave the door locked from now on." Maura promised.

"Thank you."

There was an awkward silence between them. Neither women knowing what to say or do.

"I've found us a doctor." The honey-blonde announced, quietly. Unsure how sincere Jane was about taking the marriage serious. "She's brilliant."

"Oh?" The Detective didn't hide the smirk on her face. Maura was trying. And that was all she needed to try with her. "How did you find her?"

The Doctor looked off for a moment. Chewing something over. Considering if she should stick with the truth or a roundabout lie. She decided that in marriage there are no lies. "Well, I was discussing us with mother," she noticed the brunette's smirk fall straight from her lips. She even looked down to see if the smile had landed on the floor. Her eyes traveled back up the brunette's body, slowly. "Um," she stuttered.

Jane was beautiful. Exceedingly and sincerely and just all around beautiful. From her personality to her looks to the way she carried herself. Even in her drunk state she was just...beautiful.

"How did you find her?" Jane repeated herself, patiently. Unaware that the eyes that were glued to her were in fact checking her out.

"Mother referenced me to an old friend." She licked her lips when her gaze reached the brunette's abdomen. She knew what those abs looked like. She'd seen them. Of course, it'd been in passing. Just a glance. Or when she'd massaged the brunette's wound from shooting herself. "She um," never had she been caught speechless. But, she tried. She sincerely tried to get her train of thought from crashing into the gutter.

"You told your mother?" Jane asked, confusion and sheer curiosity painted her question.

Maura was slightly relieved that Jane wasn't upset about it. "I," She started to explain herself. "Yes. I did." She didn't know why Jane was smiling but she could tell whatever the reason made the brunette golden.

"I told Tommy." The Detective announced. Unashamed. "And Casey."

"I...haven't told Dennis, yet."

The brunette's smile faded, quickly. So quickly, Maura had wondered if she'd imagined it.

"But, I plan to!" she quickly declared. But, it was no use. That smile was long gone and there was a sting in her chest.

Jane looked at the oven. "Food's heated." She said as she reached in there. She ignored the burn on her fingers, because quite frankly, it distracted her from the pain in her chest. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Jane," Maura swallowed. "We have a meeting with Dr. Bryer tomorrow morning at ten."

"Okay," The brunette nodded. "Just text me the address and I'll meet you there."

"It would be less time consuming and healthy for the environment if we carpooled, Jane." She tried to appear aggrieved about the situation but Jane could see through that. Maura wanted Jane alone in a car for fifteen minutes to discuss just how the counseling would go. But, if Jane was going to go through counseling of any form, she was going to be honest.


	7. Chapter 7

Frost and Korsak watched her. She'd been back in Boston for fourteen hours and not once had she appeared happy. Maura looked the same as she always did but not erratically happy as she should have been. She'd just gotten married. She should be excited. She should be jumping off the walls or trying to con her wife into joining her in the basement for a 'details on a case'.

"She's...just standing there." Korsak said, unaware that Frost knew the truth about the whole situation. He quickly looked away when Maura snapped her head to him.

The honey-blonde stood at Jane's desk. She had wanted to see her before they went in for their meeting. But, there had been three open files for three different cases that were by the same group of men. Absent of this desk had been Jane Rizzoli, herself.

Maura sat down in the brunette's chair. Pike had unintentionally destroyed evidence for the case, so the Detective was still at square one. The men were haunting her. They were mocking her. Openly. Their victims had her name carved in. Jane. Just Jane.

"She left." Frost finally said. Maura looked sad and he couldn't take it anymore. "Said she was going back to the first crime scene."

The Doctor glanced at her watch. She had an hour.

"Thank you," Maura smiled. But, it quickly faded. As if the thought of smiling seemed to hurt more than the truth. Jane was out of her depth in this case and Boston had given it specifically to her. Considering she was an expert at dealing with men like this. Men who found it more arousing to mentally fuck with someone rather than rape and kill women.

* * *

Dr. Kim Bryer was in her fifties. Her white hair was pulled back into a low ponytail. Perfectly white teeth. Black glasses that paled her face. Brown eyes that were so dark Maura could almost see herself in them from five feet away.

Jane wasn't late. Maura had been early.

"She should be here, any moment." She smiled.

Dr. Bryer only nodded.

The woman didn't look very strict but she was respected in her field. She was obviously very good at her job. Maura noticed over a dozen awards decorating the wall behind Dr. Bryer's desk. It made her feel a little safe.

The knock on the door relieved the honey-blonde. She knew that knock from anywhere. She'd heard it more times than she cared to count. It was always followed by a jiggle of the doorknob then a sigh and then the brunette just walking in. Of course, Jane waited this time. She waited to be summoned in the room.

"Come in," Dr. Bryer called.

There stood Jane Rizzoli. To Dr. Bryer, nothing appeared to be wrong. But, to Maura, she could tell something was penetrating the Detective's mind. Something was bothering her. And she could guess, although the thought of it made her skin crawl, that she knew what was wrong.

"Uh, hi." Jane smiled. She took a seat next to Maura on the clearly expensive couch. But, hell if it wasn't comfortable.

"It's nice to have you both here." Dr. Bryer smiled. "Detective Rizzoli and Doctor Isles."

"Thank you for having us." Maura returned with a smile of her own. "We're very happy to be here." She glanced at Jane, who only just plastered a smile on her face for Maura's sake.

"Very glad." The brunette agreed with a roll of her eyes that hadn't gone unnoticed either women.

"Are you sure about that, Detective?"

"Please," Jane rubbed at her palms. "Call me Jane."

"Jane," The other woman tested it on her lips. "Are you sure that you're glad to be here, Jane?"

The brunette looked from Dr. Bryer to Maura then back. "She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

The Detective laughed, although there lacked any humor in her voice at all. "We're only married because we got too drunk in Las Vegas. Then Judge Traceman, I'm assuming you haven't spoken to her at all otherwise she would have told you, anyways Judge Traceman won't annul us unless we go through the motions of a real marriage."

Dr. Bryer smiled, softly. Then looked to Maura. "Is that how you see it?"

Maura raised an eyebrow in questioning. As if to say "Me?" but the therapist only nodded. "Jane and I...have...made a mistake."

"A mistake." The Detective echoed. "But, we're best friends."

"We are." Maura agreed. "I hope."

"You hope?" Dr. Bryer questioned.

"Is it possible to come back from this?" The Doctor asked, almost desperately. "Jane is...all that I have. The only person I can trust. The only person I wish to give all of my trust to...is it possible she and I can...get through this?"

"Get through this how?"

If Maura only knew the answer to that. It could have been anything. Get _over_ their marriage and move on as friends again. Or, perhaps, get _through_ their marriage. Do things right.

"Why don't you tell me about how you two met?" Dr. Bryer prompted. What it had to do with their marriage, Jane would never know.

"We..." The brunette began. "met when I was in Drugs. I was undercover as a hooker."

"Stanley, the proprietor of the precinct's cafe, had been giving her a hard time about payment." Maura continued.

"I'd forgotten my wallet and some money back with my clothes." Jane rolled her eyes. "He knew I worked there. But, he was just being a prick to me because I called him on his shit."

"Jane is a very direct person." Maura informed, just in case Dr. Bryer hadn't gotten that already.

"So are you." Jane looked at her wife. "Anyways, Maura tried to help me. And like the asshole I am, I tried to blow her off. Told her I didn't need her money."

"Possibly, I inserted myself into a situation I had no right." Maura intersected. "You could have handled yourself but I thought I could assist. It was none of my business."

"That doesn't necessarily make you nosy, Maur." Jane sighed. "You're just that nice. You'll help anyone in need and you don't see that stuff like that makes you a damn good person."

This quieted the other woman. She was still stuck under the belief that she was an evil man's daughter. And by the property of transition, that made her evil. She'd figured it out mathematically, because it was the only way she could figure it out at all.

"Maura." Dr. Bryer said the woman's name to bring her back to the discussion. "Why don't you tell me what convinced you to get to know Jane."

The Doctor swallowed hard.

"Honesty," The Therapist said. She'd said it the same way Constance had. "It's the best and my _only_ policy. To be honest with yourself and each other if not me. But, please, I need your honesty."

"The case Jane was working," Maura sighed. "She managed to take down an entire gang, without help." When Dr. Bryer only urged her to continue with a small smile, Maura knew this wasn't going to be easy. Not as easy as she'd hoped. "I...thought she was very noble and strong. I needed something like that in my life."

"She didn't want to be friends at first." Jane filled in.

"Oh?" Dr. Bryer looked back at Maura. "Why not?"

"Jane numerously attempted to defend her behavior." The honey-blonde found an award behind Dr. Bryer's head. She focused her gaze on it. "She used coffee and breakfast to apologize."

"Why didn't you accept her apology?"

"I was afraid she was just like the rest of the detectives." Maura's eyes scowled at the memory of her impression of Jane. "Just more persistent." There was a silence for a moment. "I saw her every morning in my office with breakfast, coffee, and a smile on her face for two weeks. One morning, I walked in, expecting to see her there. I'd already prepared a lie. Well, the closest I could get to a lie."

"What happened?"

"She wasn't there."

Another silence. Before Dr. Bryer could reach for them, Jane already had the box of tissues for Maura in her lap. She offered the doctor one.

"I'd been stabbed." Jane finished for her wife.

"I didn't realize I cared for her until she wasn't there to _annoy_ me into forgiving her." She wrung her hands in frustration but there was a smile on her face and a laugh on her lips. "Her partner, Detective Daniel Mateo at the time, had informed me of her location. No one else in the department thought I cared. He wasn't even entirely definite of my...relationship with his partner."

"Why were you so persistent for forgiveness, Jane?" Dr. Bryer turned her attention to the brunette. Who only seemed interested in making sure her wife was okay.

"I didn't want her to think I was that type of person." Jane said. She received a confused look from the woman across from her. "Rude."

"You hadn't known the woman and you seem pretty strong minded. Why would the opinion of one woman mean so much to you?"

"I don't know." The brunette shrugged. "There was just something about her that drew me to her. I-I can't explain it."

Dr. Bryer nodded. "Did you go to visit her in the hospital, Maura?"

Jane and Maura smiled in unison at the memory. "I did." The honey-blonde nodded. "It was the day of her of release. I brought breakfast and coffee."

"She had a big smile on her face." Jane added. "Like I'd done to her when we were in the morgue, she talked my damn ear off that entire morning."

"We've been close ever since."

The smiles faded slowly as both women realized the mistake they'd made with each other. They looked to Dr. Bryer for help. But, she knew what they wanted. Even when they weren't completely sure. They didn't want this marriage to be over. The mistake wasn't the marriage. The mistake was that they hadn't gotten a chance to date. They hadn't gotten a chance to fall in love the way they wanted to. They wanted to do the marriage the right way. They wanted a ceremony with their closest friends. They wanted to say I Do and be celebrated.

Dr. Bryer saw exactly what they'd wanted. And she was going to try her damn best to help them get it.

* * *

When they returned to the station, in separate vehicles, there was a silence between them. A silence they hadn't had since Jane had shot herself. That was the moment Maura truly feared she'd lost her best friend. Even after, when she didn't want to see anyone, including Maura. The Doctor knew that if she hadn't lost Jane physically, she'd lost her emotionally.

The two women sat in Maura's office. A place that was solitary for them. A place that was somehow their home in BPD. They knew they could have all the privacy in the world if they were in there. Even after Bobby Marino had attacked them in the morgue, Jane still found it to be a safe haven for her.

"Your mother would like us to host a celebration." Maura informed as she sat her desk. The chair had been lowered. She hadn't been in her office yet to notice the difference earlier.

"Yeah," Jane nodded. "He was in your chair."

The Doctor rolled her eyes.

"She has gone through great lengths to invite our friends." The honey-blonde continued, deciding that Pike wasn't worth it. Not now, anyway. "And my family."

"We have to try, Maur."

"I know. I...I know, Jane." Maura frowned. Something ate at her and she couldn't define the feeling. She couldn't conquer it. It just...ate at her. "I just...this is...how can we just be so casual about this, Jane? This is our lives. We're sharing a life together. We're married."

"For six months." Jane reminded. "If we do everything right for six months...then...then it'll all go back to the way it was before."

"It will never be the way it was before." Maura's voice was quiet. It was as quiet as the voice Jane heard in the back of her head that told her all the things she couldn't do. Like have a happy life with Maura. "People don't come back from things like this."

"Dr. Bryer will help us. We will."

"Jane, I'm commonly known as realistic." She had a point that she wanted to make and Jane could tell that Maura was trying not to hurt her feelings. "You're what's commonly known as pessimistic. Between the two of us, I'm sure that we can agree that this doesn't happen daily." She knew. She'd checked. She'd hoped. "This isn't going to work."

"What isn't going to work, Maura?" Jane glared. Hard. "The marriage or our friendship."

"Both...perhaps?"

She didn't need another word. She left. Hell, she almost ran. It would have been a lot easier. To run as far away as fast as fast as possible but something weighed her down. Maybe it was guilt. She'd known all along that it wasn't going to work with Maura and she'd somehow convinced herself that it would. That they're friendship could and would come back stronger. She felt guilty for herself.

* * *

It was the fourth time she'd ran without Maura in the morning. The two women ran at the same time every day that entire week, but neither of them ran together. Maura always turned left and Jane always turned right. They'd return at the same time. The honey-blonde would return to the home and Jane to the guesthouse. Then they would drive to work, separately. It'd been four days since their appointment with Dr. Bryer and the two women had thought they'd made progress. They'd admitted to themselves that this wasn't going to work. Wasn't that the first stage? Admission?

"My parents will be here at noon." Maura informed. She wasn't sure why her mother hadn't told her father about the real reason she'd married Jane. Perhaps her parents weren't as close as Maura thought them to be. Perhaps they just didn't discuss of her. Or maybe, just maybe, her mother knew something she didn't. Something she wouldn't admit to herself.

"Okay." Jane said as they walked up the stairs. She held the door open for Maura but that was about as much communication they'd had until eleven. When Maura had found a break in their case.

Jane listened to Maura's speculations. She listened carefully, because she hoped that she could figure it out without asking. She was going to have to get used to figuring it out on her own, anyway.

"So, you're saying that Regina Clark was murdered by the same man as Jessica Stanley?"

"Yes." Maura nodded, patiently and excitedly.

"I don't see how that really helps us."

"There are eight men with the same M.O. Jane and yet somehow they all do things differently. Their very own way." She explained, although she was sure Jane knew this case more than she did. "We have eight victims."

"One man killed twice."

"Yes."

"One of them isn't really a killer."

"Yes."

"And...it's only a matter of time before the rest of them finds out."

"Why would Regina's killer kill Jessica and keep it a secret?" Frost asked, unsure if the couple was even aware he was there.

"Maybe he doesn't want the rest of the men to find out Jessica's supposed killer is a fraud?" Frost tried. It was a game of theory. "Maybe he's covering for him?"

"These men would have to be friends." Maura sat on the corner of her wife's desk as the brunette stared intensely at the whiteboard.

"What do all of our victims have in common?" Jane asked Frost.

"They were all very involved in social networking."

"That's how they're finding them." The brunette stood. She walked around her desk to the whiteboard. "It's not random. If you remember, Courtney Brinks reported she was being stalked."

"And no one took it seriously because she said she was sure it was one of her followers from Twitter."

"Exactly." Jane shook her head, shamefully. Boston sure had a way of making people feel safe. "So...what if all of these men connect through social networks? They'd have to use code because I'm sure tweeting 'I'm killing someone tonight' would raise alarm."

"I'll check to see any followers or friends they had in common." He was already typing away on his computer.

Jane looked fiercely at the whiteboard as she tried to piece the very last clue together. She was missing something. She could feel Maura's eyes on her. They felt like knives in her back, dragging up her body. She turned slowly.

"Thank you, Dr. Isles." She dismissed.

The honey-blonde glared for a moment but left.

"You always this rude to your wife?" Frost asked from his computer.

"Shut it, Snow White." She turned back to the board.

* * *

There was wine and beer. There was music. There was people that Jane and Maura didn't even know there. But, somehow those strangers were well aware of them.

"We're so happy for you." They would constantly say. Jane and Maura stayed glued at the hip with smiles on their faces to keep up with appearances. They would thank their friends, their coworkers, their family.

When things started to finally die down, when people were finally leaving, Maura and Angela were already gathering the paper plates from around the house and backyard. Tommy was gathering the abandoned cups.

"So," Tommy smiled when he and Maura reached for a plate and cup next to each other. "You're really married to my sister?"

"I'm really married to her." Maura nodded.

"That why you wouldn't kiss me?"

She thought for a moment. "Yes." It wasn't a lie. Actually, it was the exact truth. She didn't kiss Tommy because of Jane. She didn't have any romantic feelings for him. Although, he was very attractive, much like his sister, she didn't want to go there with him in fear that it would ruin what she had with Jane. It felt nice to be completely and utterly honest.

"I wish I could say I'm happy for you guys," He frowned. "But I'm not that big of a person."

She smiled.

"Take care of her, alright?"

"Okay." She nodded.

"I'm going in to throw this away then I'm going to head home, early." He wrapped his arms around her. "Janie really loves you. Even when she tries to hide how much, I can see she's really in love with you, Maura. Take good care of her."

"I'm in love with her too." She admitted quietly in his embrace.


	8. Chapter 8

That night, Maura and Jane cleaned the kitchen together. It'd been the only activity they'd done together that week other than their first session with Dr. Bryer.

"Oh, shoot." The Doctor sighed as water spurted up at her. She successfully dodged the bullets of liquid.

Jane turned and appraised the fountain. "I can fix that." She said as she closed the refrigerator door. "Just go get the tool carrier out of my room."

Maura nodded and walked off to the guesthouse. When she returned, she found Jane staring unseeingly at the faucet.

"I can...call someone..." Maura offered, unsure. "If you're not entirely confident in yourself."

"My Pop taught me a lot." Jane said, as if she hadn't heard Maura at all. Maybe she hadn't. "Growing up, he taught me how to do all of this and here I thought my dad was the coolest man in the world. I used to ask myself 'Is there anything he can't do?' but now I guess I know."

Maura only looked at her.

"Apparently he doesn't know how to care about anyone but him fucking self."

The honey-blonde swallowed hard. "Jane, I..." What could she say? What do you say to your friend in a time like this? What do you say to your wife when they're father is nothing but absent? There wasn't anything in that lesbian guide book about this.

"Give me the tool box." The brunette sighed, her hand waiting and ready.

Maura handed the box to her. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"You didn't run him off." Jane pulled open the tool box. She searched for the right tool to get started. "No, actually, no one ran him off." She murmured to herself. "In fact, he just walked away. Just walked away from his family."

Maura sat down next to her, completely intent on listening to her wife.

"You'd think after thirty-seven years, he would love Ma even more. It'd be so hard for him to leave." She climbed under the sink, into the cabinet. "But, he didn't. Apparently, he couldn't wait for me to be on the brink of death to just leave."

Maura tried to ignore the sting in her heart.

"When Ma needed him most. When_ I _needed him most. He wasn't there."

"I'm sure he-"

"He just left and moved to Florida. For what? _For what?!_ To have sex with some woman half our fucking age!"

She listened. Her ears almost glued to the brunette's lips. She listened because Jane needed her to. And though they hadn't spoken to each other much that week, they both knew that if they truly needed someone to talk to, no matter what they could always go to each other.

Jane complained more. About all of the times in her life her father had failed her. All of the times she should have known that he couldn't be trusted. All of the times she should have known her parents' marriage was over. All of that lasted for about half an hour before she suddenly sighed.

"Try turning the water on."

Maura had been comfortable. Her legs folded in half lotus pose. Jane on her back and half of her body under the cabinet. She'd sat there listening to Jane prattle on and after a while she'd decided not to give her input. Because that wasn't what Jane needed. Jane needed to just be listened to. She needed to just talk and let it all out. And Maura happily obliged. Because those were feelings the brunette had kept in for so long, it'd actually began to scare Maura how okay Jane was with her father leaving.

Instead of the water spurting up to Maura, it spurted down through the pipe to Jane. All Maura could hear was Jane yelling for her to turn it off in between curses.

When the brunette appeared again, her entire shirt had been soaked. Along with her hair. Some of it mattered to her forehead.

Maura felt a slow ball of fire in her center. Her face felt immediately hot. Her skin clammy. Eyes sensitive to light. Jane's nipples were poking through the material of her sports bra and shirt.

"Shit." The brunette cursed again as she peeled her white shirt from her body.

"I can call someone to-"

"I got it!" Jane snapped. Her hair dripping.

"Okay." Maura sat back down. "Okay." She felt defeated. She folded her legs again, trying her very best to keep her gaze away from Jane's abs. The water wasn't drying fast enough. The lighting in the kitchen made each ab glisten. It didn't help when they'd flex as Jane moved in a specific way.

Maura felt her arousal growing. Jane had continued talking and she tried to listen. She really did. She tried to ignore the way the brunette's torso twisted as she reached into the cabinet. The way Jane's even breaths lifted her chest, giving Maura a better angle of the swell of the other woman's breast.

All she could see was herself on Jane's lap. Kissing Jane's neck. Touching Jane's body.

"Maur!" The Detective threw something small but still hard at the Doctor.

"Uh, yes. Yes?" She cleared her throat.

"I told you to try turning the water on." Jane's legs were bent and open. Wide open. Easy access for Maura to see the purple briefs the brunette wore.

It worked.

"Thanks," Maura licked her lips as she helped the brunette up. Jane's fingers, although dirty and wet, were on fire.

"No problem." Jane wiped her hands on her basketball shorts. "I can finish up in here."

"I can-"

"No, really. It's fine."

The honey-blonde frowned. A deep frown that she wanted to wear for days. "Okay." She sighed. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"Actually," Jane turned to the sink. "I have somethings to do. I'll meet you at Dr. Bryer's office."

She tried not to sound defeated because Jane wasn't looking at her and the brunette would be able to pick up immediately if anything was wrong with her. "Okay." She smiled, just in case Jane did turn around. "I'll see you tomorrow at ten."

"Tomorrow at ten." The brunette said without a second glance as she began washing dishes.

* * *

Dr. Bryer studied both women. Last week, they were only three inches from each other. Today, they were ten. Of course, she didn't have a ruler to be exact, she could tell that both women tried to be as far apart as possible. And the long couch made that as easy as possible.

Maura glanced at Jane every few seconds. Jane kept her gaze straight. Her jaw set. Her arms crossed.

"I'm going to go and venture a guess," Dr. Bryer said slowly. She waited for Maura to react. No reaction. She must have been really distracted. "You two got into an argument."

Maura turned and looked at the therapist. "Yes."

"Would you like to discuss it?"

"No." Jane said.

"Why not?"

"There's nothing to discuss."

Maura sighed.

"Detective Rizzoli," Dr. Bryer's voice was solid. It was hard. She was as serious as serious could get. "If you want your annulment, that means you have to at least try. That does not mean you get to sleep in the guesthouse. That does not mean you get to be emotionally distant. That does not mean that you get to just stay quiet until the clock strikes eleven so you can get back to work. Now, I understand that this situation is difficult and new for the both of you but if you're willing to work with Maura and I on this, things will be over quickly. Sooner than you'd believe."

Sooner than she'd want.

"Now," She smiled when the brunette's hands fell to her sides and jaw moved. "Tell me about the time you shot yourself."

"Brilliant idea that was." Maura murmured.

"Can you imagine being married to that?" Jane asked Dr. Bryer. "Those snide comments in your ear all damn day?"

"My comments are not snide, they are just my opinion."

"Why do you think she says those comments, Jane?"

"Because she doesn't think I'm listening to her when she tells me flat out that what I did was stupid."

"Good." Dr. Bryer nodded. "Tell me about that day."

"Marino was going to kill me, anyway. I just didn't want Frankie to die. I thought at least one Rizzoli could survive, you know?" She shifted on the couch. "That way, Ma wouldn't be alone."

"She had your father."

"He left. While I was in the hospital. While we were in the hospital." The brunette took a deep breath. To keep from getting angry like she had last night. "Marino killed his partner. He had the bright idea to have his men bust into BPD and steal the evidence. The only evidence we needed to see that it was him behind all those drug orders. It had a video of him."

"What was your first thought when the lockdown happened?"

She was getting ready to lie. Dr. Bryer could see it.

"Honesty." She reminded.

"I had to get to Maura." She admitted, docilely.

At this, Maura looked at Jane.

"I figured Frankie was safe. I honestly had no idea he was even in the building still." She rubbed at her hands. "But when I saw him, my world stopped. I thought 'if this is the worst that has happened to him...then what the hell could have happened to Maura?' and I hoped. I hoped that she was okay. Because I needed her to be okay."

"To save Frankie."

"That," Jane nodded. "And because I just needed her to be alive. She doesn't believe me when I tell her this but she has changed my life dramatically. I eat better. I don't drink as much. I'm just a lot happier. And she makes me a better person. I don't like the thought of not having Maura exist anymore..." The truth had slipped from her lips before she could filter it. But she couldn't take it back and she wasn't even sure if she'd wanted to.

"Do...do you really mean that?" Maura asked.

"I really do." The brunette smiled. "I love having you around."

"Let's talk about the night you got married." Dr. Bryer prompted. "I'm going to try something and hopefully it'll help you remember. But the both of you have to be completely participant."

"Okay." The couple said simultaneously.

"I want you to close your eyes." The white-haired woman asked. "Take a deep breath." Jane and Maura did as told. "Now, I want you to remember that night. Remember everything that happened that day. Everything that happened that led up to the point that you were marrried."

Their faces were both confused. They couldn't remember.

"You said before that you were drinking wine in your hotel room."

Jane and Maura nodded.

"Jane, why did you offer to leave the room instead of stay?"

She kept her eyes closed. "I wanted to get some air. I didn't like where our conversation was going."

"What were you talking about?"

"Dennis."

"What about Dennis?"

"Maura was upset that he was leaving for a three month tour around the world to promote his new book."

Dr. Bryer saw an opening and jumped right in. "Why would something like that bother you?"

"Dennis just rubs me all the wrong ways." Jane frowned. "Every time I'm near him, every time he talks his douche talk, I have a powerful urge to shoot him in the face. Or myself."

"Why do you think he gets to you that way?"

Jane only shrugged. Reluctant to give up that information while Maura was around.

"Are Dennis and Maura affectionate?" The white-haired woman asked, quietly.

"Yes." Jane sighed. "She always kisses him. To assure him that she's thinking about him. I hate it."

"Why?"

"Because it's...it's not okay."

"Why isn't it okay, Jane?"

"Because it should be me she's kissing." Her eyes snapped open so quickly. Her head snapped up. She wasn't sure if she should glance at Maura or keep her gaze straight. But by the way that the Doctor had shifted, she decided she better find something else across the room in a different direction to stare at.

"I...I don't know why I said that." The Detective's voice was desperate. She didn't want to freak Maura out.

"Let's close our eyes again." Dr. Bryer suggested.

Both women were disinclined, now aware of what could come of giving their trust completely to her.


	9. Chapter 9

"Let's close our eyes again." Dr. Bryer repeated. Jane was the first to give in. Because what else could she give up that was worse than what she'd already said?

Maura was hesitant. Afraid. But she did as told, because she knew that she they needed to try. How the hell could she focus on anything else? Jane had just dropped something so huge on her. Jane was jealous? Of Dennis. Why? It wasn't a jealousy from the possible threat of losing Maura from marriage. It was the jealousy that Maura had never thought Jane was capable of feeling for any man she'd dated. Jane wanted to kiss her. Yes. But, was that all Jane wanted from Maura?

"You two left the hotel," Dr. Bryer stated. Although this was obvious. "Do you remember what you wore that night?" She hoped that focusing on small things would help bring their memory back.

Maura cleared her throat. "I wore a purple long sleeved dress. Frills Pleated detailing, doubled fabric." Apparently Dr. Bryer's plan was working. "I...I..." The honey-blonde paused for a moment. She was unsure if she should share a detail of that night she'd just recalled.

"You can share, Maura."

"I..." She sighed and looked at Jane. When the brunette only sat with her eyes closed, Maura swallowed. "I wore it because I know that the Jersey stretch dresses form to my body very well. Jane loves the way I look in them."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, she has told me." The honey-blonde informed. "Also...I've noticed her staring at times she was unaware I was watching just as well."

"You wore the dress for her?"

Maura nodded. "Yes."

Jane's eyes snapped open. But she didn't look at the woman next to her.

"How was your hair styled, Maura?"

"Curled." She pointed to the style her hair was now. "Jane says it makes me look happier."

"Are you happier with curly hair?"

Only because Jane liked it. "Yes." She nodded.

"Do you remember what Jane wore?"

Maura closed her eyes again. She thought. Hard. She'd remembered wearing heels and at some point in the night, the heels got a little too hard to walk in. "Jane and I traveled from Mandalay Bay to the Bellagio. It was either by cab or foot. I remember being extremely uncomfortable in my heels and Jane offered to hold them for me. Although they looked horrendous with my dress, I wore her brogues."

* * *

_Jane was bent over, next to her were Maura's heels, which she'd decided she wasn't going to put on. They were just a block away from the Bellagio. She tied her shoes on Maura's feet and ignored the heat she felt radiating from the other woman. Maura's skin was soft. She'd found that out by accidentally grazing Maura's ankle._

_"Thank you so much." Maura said once more._

_"It's no problem." Jane stood, feeling a little lightheaded. She steadied herself using both hands on Maura's shoulders. "Sorry." She pulled her arms back._

_"It's no problem." The Doctor smiled. She lightly grabbed the Detective's wrists and brought her hands back to her shoulders. Her fingers touched the soft tan skin all the way to the brunette's shoulders. Her fingers slid down Jane's plaid button-up on her sides. She reached Jane's hips and left her hands there. Satisfied._

_The brunette licked her lips. Certain that if she touched Maura just a moment longer, she wouldn't be able to control her actions for the rest of the night. "Thank you." She clenched her jaw. She wanted to keep her hands there. Hell, she wanted to pull Maura close but just thirty minutes before, Maura was complaining about Dennis leaving._

_Jane pulled her hands back and tried her best to ignore the urge to tuck them into her black chino pants. Instead, she picked up the heels at Maura's side and turned._

_Maura followed without word. She tucked her hair behind her ear every so often but she never said a word to Jane. And the brunette rarely spoke much herself until they reached the casino._

* * *

"What happened when you reached the casino, Jane?" Dr. Bryer asked the Detective. Who only unclenched her jaw.

* * *

_"Don't blow your savings in the place, Maura." Jane advised as they walked into the casino of the building. Hoping her best friend didn't have an addictive personality she was unaware of. But, she knew everything about Maura. But anyone with that type of money should always be watched in a casino. No matter how harmless they were._

_"Thank you for your concern, Jane." She wasn't thankful for it at all and Jane could tell just by the way her tone conveyed good manners and vexation in an integrated conduct._

_"I'm going to go to the gift shop." The brunette announced. "See if they have any shoes I can get."_

_"Okay." Maura only walked off._

_Jane sighed. She found a little cute gift shop in the back of the building. In there, were bags and shirts that advertised the hotel. She found a black shoulder bag with the hotel's title in italics. In there, she kept her wallet and Maura's shoes. She'd also found a pair of Darren slippers for men. She was lucky they carried a size small enough for her._

_When she returned to the casino, Maura was at a slot machine. There was a smile on her face like she was a child in a candy factory tasting her favorite treat. She pulled at the lever and Jane felt herself rushing to the honey-blonde. Please don't let her be giving up her trust fund. She prayed silently to herself that God had the good sense to leave this woman with all of her money._

_"Looks like you're having fun." The brunette took the empty slot machine seat next to Maura._

_Maura glanced at her, her smile never wavered. Instead, it grew. "I am!" She agreed, proudly. It wasn't until then that Jane had noticed the volume of the place. When she was around Maura, sound wasn't an issue. She could always hear every word the other woman said to her._

_"I see you found shoes." Maura pointed out as she pulled at the lever again. "They suit you." She complimented. "They complement your swagger."_

_"My swagger?" The brunette felt a chuckle in her throat. She'd never once thought she had swagger but apparently Maura noticed it. Leave it to Maura to see things that weren't there. "How are my shoes fitting you?" She asked as she looked around the room. It was large. Colorful. Loud. There were far more people there than she'd ever seen in just the Dirty Robber. It was much bigger than the Dirty Robber._

_"They're a little big." The honey-blonde sighed as she leaned back against her seat. She'd lost her game. "Have you ever played craps, Jane?"_

_"What happened after that Maura?" Dr. Bryer asked._

_Jane was stunning. Her dark hair pulled back into a low ponytail. Her excitement was evident. She'd never been to a casino outside of Boston and it was obvious. It made Maura happy that she could share this experience with the brunette._

_She couldn't help but think that they're attire complemented one another. Maura in dress. Her legs were bare. Jane's were covered. But, her forearms were bare and they showed smooth tan skin that Maura found herself compelled to touch._

_Finding the craps table wasn't very difficult. The dice were hot and when the dice were hot, there were a lot of yells and screams._

_"I'm not sure about this, Maur." Jane whispered into her friends ear as they reached the table._

_"Don't worry, Jane." She touched the brunette's shoulder. It wasn't enough. Her other hand faintly grazed her friend's forearm. "I'll teach you everything you need to know, okay?"_

_Jane only swallowed hard and nodded. She was giving her trust to Maura._

_"We can't see it very well right now but on this craps table, there is a double layout." She whispered into the taller woman's ear. Her words tickled Jane's skin. "At the center of one side of the table is the boxman, who supervises the game and takes cash collected by the dealers and deposits it in a drop box. Directly opposite him is the stickman, who uses a stick to push the dice to the shooter. The stickman controls the tempo of the game. He calls out the results of each roll and keeps up a continuous patter, urging players to get their bets down."_

_Jane only nodded her understanding. Hearing exactly what Maura had been describing. A stickman urging her on to join the game._

_"At the center of the table between the boxman and stickman are boxes for proposition bets – one-roll bets. Also there are areas for hard-way bets – betting that a six, for example, will be rolled as two three's before either a seven or any other six is rolled."_

_The brunette seemed to be understanding so Maura pulled in close to continue._

_"On the sides are two dealers who take bets, pay off winners, and collect losing bets. The players encircle these side areas. In front of the players is the "Pass" line, a bar that extends all around the table for players who are betting with the shooter. A smaller, "Don't Pass" bar is for players betting against the shooter. The areas marked "Come" and "Don't Come" are for bets similar to Pass and Don't Pass but are placed at different times of the game."_

_"Also on the layout in front of the players is an area marked "Field" for a one-roll bet that one of seven numbers will show up. Boxes marked four, five, six, eight, nine, and ten are for "Place" or "Buy" bets that the number chosen will be rolled before the next 7. Six and nine are spelled out because players are standing on both sides of the table – no need to wonder if that's a six or an upside-down nine down in the corner at either end of the double layout are boxes marked six and eight – the "Big Six" and "Big Eight" bets that a six or eight will roll before a seven."_

_"Do you think you're ready?" Maura asked, as she pulled away._

_Jane looked intimidated. But Maura wanted her to do this. So she nodded._

* * *

"How did the game go?" The white-haired woman asked.

* * *

_"I'll play." Jane said. Her palms were sweaty. Her fingers shook. She looked at the people moving to the line against her. She tried not to let it bother her._

_"Alright," The stickman said allowed. "We got a..."_

_"Jane Rizzoli." She filled in._

_"We got a Jane Rizzoli here with us." He smiled. "Her opponent? Baddest mutha on this side of Chicago, Billy Blue Johnson."_

_Maura stood at her best friend's side. She whispered words of encouragement in her friend's ear._

_"How much you bettin, Rizzoli? Marvin the Stickman handed her a set of dice. He was young. As young as Tommy. But, the man looked like he'd been doing the job for ages. Jane was even intimidated by him._

_She looked at Maura._

_"Just bet one hundred for now." The Doctor suggested._

_"A hundred bucks?!" Jane's voice was disbelief and desperation for Maura to be joking. "Maur I ain't got that type of money!"_

_"Don't worry." The honey-blonde smiled. She slipped a hundred dollar chip into the other woman's other hand._

_"A hundred." Jane sighed as she handed the chip to the stickman who handed the chip to the boxman."_

_"We got two hundred." Marvin called out after Billy Blue handed him a hundred dollar chip. Next to Billy were four unbelievably attractive women. Two on each side. Wine glasses in their hands. Confident in their man. He wore dark glasses and a black suit that fitted him too well. He looked attractive enough to catch Maura's eye._

_"Uh," Jane looked to her friend._

_"Don't worry." She took the brunette's hand and kissed the dice. "You've got this." She winked._

_Jane swallowed, turned to the table and threw the dice in the direction that looked like it took the most action._

_"Yo!" Marvin called out._

* * *

"I have no idea what that is supposed to mean." Dr. Bryer said with a flat face.

* * *

_Jane turned from the table and looked at the cheering woman at her side. Whatever it was that she'd just threw was obviously good because her friend was hugging her and telling her that she did great._

_"You've naturally won, Jane!"_

_"Oh," Jane's eyes were wide. Maura's arms were around her neck moments. She sure did win. But it wasn't the game she'd felt a victory for._

_The two women stayed at the craps table for more than an hour until they found themselves with three thousand dollars of their winnings._

_"Hey, Maur." Jane took the wine glass out of her best friend's hand. Maura was pulling her hair back into a pony tail. "How come you know so much about this stuff?"_

_"Casinos have always fascinated me." Was the only explanation she offered. When Jane was about to question her more she opened her mouth before the brunette could. "Would you like to watch me play blackjack?"_

_"Um," The brunette gave her a confused look. Maura tried to pretend she didn't see it. "Sure."_


	10. Chapter 10

"Let's talk about when you left the casino." Dr. Bryer was very interested in their story, but there was a job to be done right now. Hopefully, they could finish the story another time. "What state of mind were you in?"

* * *

_ Jane's arm was looped in Maura's. She wasn't sure where they were headed now. At some point they'd decided that it would be a good idea to leave the casino to find an iHop. _

* * *

"Wait, who's idea was it to leave?" Dr. Bryer asked before they could get too far into the story.

Maura looked to Jane, with a guilty look. "It was the only way to get her off the subject of my vast experience of casinos."

* * *

_Maura held the brunette's hair back as she leaned over a trashcan on the street. Jane's hair was silky. And it easily slipped through her fingers. She was completely inebriated. _

_ "I can't believe you beat that guy in blackjack, Maur." The brunette hoarsed. "He was...huge. He could have killed you." _

_ "Casino regulations," Maura dismissed. "He cannot harm me simply because he lost a game of Blackjack to me." She watched the brunette straighten herself because nothing was coming up and they were wasting time. The longer they stood there, the longer it would be until they found what they wanted. "Besides," she looked the well dressed Detective up and down, a look of longing crossed her eyes but she quickly dissolved it. "I had you there to protect me." _

_ "I don't think I could have taken that guy." _

_ "I've seen you take bigger." The honey-blonde took Jane's hand as they began walking again. "And more. At once." _

_ "Yes, but..." She wasn't sure how she could tell Maura..._

_ "What?" _

_ "I only took those guys to impress you." _

_ If Maura was surprised by the truth, she didn't show it. She only nodded her head and smiled. "That's quite alpha-male of you, Jane." _

_ "I know." The brunette sighed, beratedly. "I could have been killed and here I was trying to take down men to impress someone like you." _

_ "Someone like me?" Maura tried to hide her curiosity and offense. _

_ "Someone who...has been with better." _

_ "I have not." She sounded like a child. _

_ "You have." Jane swallowed. Unlacing her fingers from Maura's. "Dennis. Ian. And many more." _

_ "Those men were not better than you." She wasn't sure how they'd gotten to this subject but it sort of scared her to be so close to the object of her affection and to be discussing her past affections. _

_ "They have more money," Jane used the tip of her fingers to count. "They're far more talented." She coughed to hide how much it actually kind of hurt. "They're a lot more attractive." _

_ "Okay, Jane stop!" Maura snapped. Her legs stopped moving and she shivered, slightly. She'd never yelled at Jane with such ferocity before. "Those. Men. Were. Not. Better. Than. You." She emphasized each with with a step. She stood right in front of Jane. "You're so beautiful, I don't understand how you could underestimate yourself." She touched her friend's cheek. _

_ "Maur-" Jane tried. Feeling slightly embarrassed._

_ "You're so talented." She continued, ignoring her friend's obvious protest. "Do I need to go in depth, Jane?" When her friend only looked at her, Maura smiled. "You're the most feared Detective in Boston. The Department loves you. Perpetrators confess to murder before you even interrogate them." She hadn't been lying. There were a few cases that Jane had gotten a confession by just looking at the perp. _

_ "You're fantastic at sports, Jane." Maura took the brunette's hands. "Despite your batting stance, you are magnificent at baseball." _

_ "Really?" _

_ "Really." _

_ Jane bit her bottom lip. _

_ "Despite your attempts to brush off your family and friends," The honey-blonde gestured to herself. "You obviously care a great deal about us. I believe our encounter with Charles Hoyt proved that matter." _

_ "I couldn't let him kill you." Her voice was low. _

_ "I know." Maura kissed Jane's knuckles. "I love that you cared more about saving me than yourself." _

_ "I couldn't watch you die." The memory of it was causing her to shudder. "You're...you're my..." _

_ "Best friend." The Doctor finished for her. _

_ "More than that, Maura." _

_ "Am I?"_

_ "So much more than that." She licked her lips. "You're my...God...how do I tell you this?" _

_ "You can tell me anything." _

_ "I love you." _

_ "I love you." Maura smiled. _

_ "No, Maur." Jane shook her head and pulled her hands back. She put some distance between them and turned her back to her friend. The wind was warm against her face. "I really love you. I can't stand to see you with anyone other than me. But you can't lie. And you're really in love with Dennis. You've already told me that I'm not your type. And I'm so-so stupid for not moving on." _

_ There was a moment of silence and Jane was sure that Maura had walked away. Until she'd heard three footsteps. Then felt a pair of arms snaking around her waist. A warm head on her back. Maura was holding her. Or hugging her. She couldn't decide. Because there was a difference. _

_ "Jane..." She began. _

_ The brunette only shrugged away from her. Maura tried again, wrapping her arms around the other woman again. _

_ "I told myself I wasn't attracted to you." She admitted. "I told myself it so many times, I was covered in hives constantly. I'm surprised you never noticed. But, eventually, I began to believe the lie myself." _

_ "So..." _

_ "When I told you that I wasn't attracted to you, I _believed_ I was telling the truth." She licked her lips. "That doesn't mean that what I told you was necessarily true." _

_ "You just wanted to think it was." _

_ "Yes." Maura nodded. _

_ "So...you're attracted to me?" Jane inquired, almost insecurely. _

_ It was an understatement. "Jane, you're the most beautiful person in this world. Of course, I am attracted to you." _

_ "I doubt that." Her laugh was shaky. _

_ "To me," the honey-blonde corrected. "You are the most beautiful person in this world to me." _

_ The brunette was silent. _

_ So was Maura. She'd just laid the truth out there and it was up to Jane to do something about it. _

_ "Say something please," Maura begged quietly in the brunette's hair. Her lips were almost pressed again the taller woman's neck. Their position was very intimate. It scared Jane to feel Maura's heat against her back. The smaller woman shivered again. _

_ "You're cold." The brunette stated. It was completely irrelevant of what they'd just been discussing. _

_ "Yes." Was all Maura whispered. _

_ Jane pulled away as she peeled her off her flannel. _

_ "It's not much..." She draped it over the smaller woman's shoulders. "You can pull the sleeves all the way down." _

_ "I would just prefer to get off of the street." Maura sighed. _

_ "Okay." _

* * *

"Is that when you decided to get married?"

"No." Jane sighed. "No, we didn't decide to get married until a little later."

"What made you decide to get married?" Dr. Bryer asked, curiously.

Both women looked at each other and sighed, sadly.

* * *

_They'd walked a little, unable to find exactly what they'd been looking for. Maura had even searched for the place on her phone but the thought of being somewhere alone and secluded rubbed them both the wrong way. The truth between them lingered in the air. They'd come to a little a place named Josty Bar & Grill. It sat on a corner. _

_ "I'd bet it's warm in there." Jane rubbed her hands together. She was feeling cold in her undershirt. But she couldn't say anything because she knew that Maura would feel guilty and offer the flannel back. She'd rather suffer than have Maura feel the slightest uncomfortable. _

_ "Perhaps we should test this theory." Maura tried to smile. She licked her lips as she followed the brunette into the bar. The place was full. There were bodies everywhere. Women. Men. Men interacting women. Men interacting with women. Women interacting with women. _

_ It seemed like the atmosphere Jane and Maura needed. _

_ They sat at the bar, directly in front of a bartender. The woman had a light brown skin complexion. Her eyes were blue. Her hair was black and braided to the back. _

_ "Welcome to Josty's." She welcomed with a smile on her face that told Jane she was tired. She wore a v-neck shirt that at a certain angle, Jane could see just enough to make her mouth water. She shifted uncomfortably at the growing ache between her legs. She was attracted to this woman and hiding it took more energy than basking in it would have. _

_ "What can I get for you two ladies?" The bar was warm. Jane smiled in triumph. But, it was getting too warm. _

_ "I'll just take tequila." The brunette licked her lips. _

_ "Whiskey." Maura deadpanned, her glare on Jane. She knew. She could see Jane was attracted to this stranger and not one part of her liked it. Especially since she'd just come clean to the brunette about her feelings. Okay, maybe she hadn't been straight forward enough but Jane was great at assuming. If assuming was a sport, and much like all other sports, Jane would excel. So, why couldn't she make an assumption from what Maura was trying to say. _

_ "That's a man's drink." A man with a southern accent whispered to Maura. "You sure you can handle that?" _

_ Jane watched as Maura's eyes slowly moved from her to the man with the cowboy hat. _

_ "I think I need it." She whispered back. _

_ "Where you from?" He asked. _

_ "Boston." The honey-blonde chewed her bottom lip as she watched him mull it over. He was watching her, trying to decide if she was worth it. And he must have decided she was because he smiled. _

_ "Ay, Jazz, let me get one of those too." He said without looking at the bartender. _

_ Jane cleared her throat. _

_ He didn't even glance in her direction. _

_ "Whatchu you doin down here? Boston's a long way from here, pretty lady." He smirked. _

_ "Vacation." _

Gaycation._ The brunette rolled her eyes. _

_ "You here with her?" His eyes glanced to Jane. Who stared him down like he was a killer. He quickly looked back at Maura. _

_ Maura looked over her shoulder at the brunette then shrugged. "We're on vacation together but we're not here_ together_." There was a tone to her words that only Jane had picked up on. _

_ "Oh." He smiled. Their drinks had arrived. "To vacations." He toasted. _

_ Maura clinked her shot glance against his then downed her whiskey. The taste burned her tongue and all the way down her throat. She felt it settle in her stomach. _

_ "Another?" She offered. _

_ He looked surprised but nodded. _

* * *

"How did you feel about that Jane?" Dr. Bryer asked the Detective.

"I didn't care." She shrugged. Her arms were crossed against her chest. Her legs were also crossed. Maura could tell her wife was pissed. She didn't understand why.

"Come on, Jane." The white-haired woman couldn't tell if Jane wasn't being honest with them or herself. "That had to have to bothered you. You left the hotel room to get away from Maura swooning over a man just to wind back up with her practically in the arms of another man."

The brunette's jaw tightened.

"Jane," Dr. Bryer encouraged. "It bothered you, didn't it?"

"Well, yeah!" She practically yelled. "I mean...why the fuck wouldn't it?"

"I don't understand..." Maura whispered. "You were practically pining over the bartender."

"Yeah, she was beautiful." Jane agreed. "But you didn't see me making out with her."

"Wait." Dr. Bryer cut in. "Maura, did you kiss the man?"

The honey-blonde flushed. "I...we...yes."

* * *

_They'd been at the bar for an hour. Jane occupied herself by the jukebox that played the same four songs. There was a man chatting her ear off and she secretly liked that he made it look like she wasn't there alone. Because God knew that the person she'd arrived with was busy somewhere else in the place. Deep in conversation. Jane had tried to cut in a few times, to participate in the discussion but both of them wasn't going to have any of that. To say that she felt like an outsider was an understatement. _

_ "So, where's your man, girl?" The man asked. _

_ She had to assume by his get up that he was there with the same man that was interested in Maura. They were dressed like cowboys. _

_ "Um," She looked at him. "I'm sorry, what?" _

_ "Where's your man?" He asked again. He was patient. "You keep lookin around the bar for someone and I can only imagine you're lookin' for your boyfriend?" _

_ "Uh," She almost laughed. "No. No, I'm looking for a woman." _

_ "Oh!" He grinned. "That makes so much more sense."_

_ "Excuse me?" She resisted the urge to throw her drink on him and storm off. But he was nice. _

_ "Well, you ain't said much but three words to me or any of the other men in this place." He gestured. "We ain't your type. Which is cool. I ain't judgin'." _

_ "I'm...I'm not gay." _

_ "You're not?" Now he was confused. "I thought you said..."_

_ "I'm looking for my friend." Jane supplied. _

_ "Oh." His face fell. He was embarrassed. _

_ She would have felt sorry for him but for the third time her eyes scanned the room and she couldn't find Maura. She'd checked the women's room at one point but it was empty. Completely empty. _

_ "I'll talk to you later, yeah?" She gave him a dimpled smile. "I really ought to find her." _

_ He nodded. "Yeah." He sipped from his straw. "Sure."_

_ She didn't try to reassure him because she wasn't sure that she would ever see him again. Right now, finding Maura was a little more important. She made her way back to the bar and where Maura had been, sat a big surly man. _

_ "Are you looking for your friend?" Jazz the cute bartender asked. _

_ Jane nodded, frantically. _

_ The woman pointed to the exit. "Went that way...about five minutes ago?" _

_ "Thanks." She almost ran towards the exit. If they weren't immediately outside the door, she was going to run to find Maura. She was going to call Frost and have him track the Doctor's phone. She was going to call the local police and tell them that she was a Detective in Boston and that they're Chief Medical Examiner was now missing because of a man who looked like he was a professional bullrider for PBR. She was going to give a detailed description of him and go back in and find his friend to see if this was apart of the plan. Distract Jane to get Maura. _

_ She was ready to do all of this but the moment the door closed behind her, she saw Maura, hands deep in the cowboy's pants. His fingers caressing her ass under her dress. Their lips locked so tight that they could seal tuna. _

_ By the way Maura's fingers were working, she could tell that the honey-blonde wanted whatever was going on. She could see it in the way she let the man lift her dress. She could see it in the way Maura kissed his neck. But something in her felt like she still needed to save her friend._


	11. Chapter 11

There was a silence between them and Dr. Bryer was afraid to break it. She took a deep breath and studied the women across from her. They were sad. Not angry. But sad. These were suppressed memories. Memories that they both wanted to forget. She could see the resentment they had for them for making them bring those memories back up.

"What happened next?" She finally asked. Her own voice was raspy.

* * *

_"__Get the fuck off of her!" Jane yelled as she pulled the man back. She heard their lips part. A sucking noise that felt like nails to a chalkboard in her ears. _

_"__Jane!" Maura was surprised. She was scared. _

_"__What the fuck are you doin?!" The man pulled back, he pulled his member back into his pants. _

_Jane wished she had her gun. She wished she could shoot that thing off his body. _

_"__C'mon, Maura!" The Detective grabbed her friend's wrist. _

_"__No, Jane, stop!" The Doctor stopped. _

_"__This fucking creep was feeling you up in an alley Maura!" She looked at her friend. A look of hurt on her face. It almost broke Maura's heart. "You look like a fuckin' fifty cent whore right now!" _

_Now it was Maura's turn to be hurt. But she couldn't decide if she was angry or hurt by the statement. She decided on angry. _

_"__Oh, I know what this is." The man smiled. "Y'all together right? You wanted to make your girl jealous?" He turned to Maura. "I'm down for whatever, baby." He felt up her ass. _

_If his touch didn't feel wrong before, it surely felt wrong now. It made Maura shiver in the worst possible ways._

_"__No, that's not what this is." Jane said as calmly as she possibly could. After all, it wasn't his fault that her friend had suddenly turned into a whore. _

_"__Hey, dyke, nobody's talkin' to you." He spat at her. _

_The word made her snap. Suddenly, she had him pinned against the wall, holding him by his collar. "You fuckin' slime bag." She noticed blood coming from his nose. She must have punched him at some point. She just saw red. "I should kill you!" _

_"__Jane, stop!" Maura was pulling her back. "Jane, please just stop!" _

_"__Listen to your girl!" He tried to stay hard but it was a plead. _

_"__Don't you ever fucking step a foot in Boston." She stumbled backwards, staring at her hands. Her scarred hands. _

_He dropped to his knees. "Yeah, you got it, dyke!" He was holding his bleeding nose. _

_Jane and Maura were running away. Afraid that those sirens were for them. _

* * *

"You-" Dr. Bryer was interrupted by a buzz from her desk. Their time was up.

Jane visibly exhaled with relief.

"We're making such great progress." The white-haired woman looked at the couple. "Same time, next week?"

"Yes." Maura answered for them. She didn't look at her clearly eager wife.

"See ya next week, Doc." The brunette tossed over her shoulder as she left the room.

Maura and Dr. Bryer stared at where they'd last seen the Detective. The door.

"I'll see you next week." Maura sighed. She grabbed her purse and stood. It felt like she'd been sitting for years rather an hour.

Dr. Bryer exhaled as the door closed behind the honey-blonde. She looked at the now empty couch. She was worried about the well being of Boston if a Detective as great as Jane couldn't see what was right in front of her. Well, right next to her.

She was at her desk, getting ready to leave for lunch when there was a knock on door. But before she could summon the guest in, the door was already opening and there stood a nervous but desperate Jane Rizzoli.

Jane took a few steps into the room then closed the door behind herself. Dr. Bryer was leaned over her desk. She looked at the Detective over the rim of her glasses.

"What can I do for you, Jane?" She asked, a bit surprised. Which rarely happened for her.

"I'd...I'd like to talk to you a little...about what happened that night." Her voice trembled. "I...it...was my idea. To get married."

Jane waited. For what felt like hours for the other woman to respond. Dr. Bryer reminded her of her mother. When she'd confessed to something to her mother, the torture wasn't any punishment her mother had come up with. It was the silence. While Angela mulled over the truth she was just told, she was silent.

Dr. Bryer was silent. She stared at the Detective with dagger eyes that Jane felt poking into every pore of her skin.

She swallowed hard.

"I..." She tried. Her voice was rasp. She cleared her throat. "We...we were..." She gestured to the couch, asking if she could sit. Dr. Bryer only nodded, as she stood in place. But her face had softened, telling Jane that she could continue. "We were on the corner of the street. I was puking my guts out."

* * *

_Jane was bent over a large garbage can. Both hands on each side. Hurling. Strangers were staring at her but she was too disgusted with herself to care._

_"__God, Jane." Maura chastised. Her words and tone were harsh but her hands were either busy holding the brunette's hair back or rubbing circles on her back. Gently. She wasn't as angry at Jane as she wanted to be and Jane could see that. "We would be fortunate not to get arrested."_

_"__He took a drunk woman in an alley, Maur." Jane sighed. "It's some form of rape."_

_"__I wanted it." The smaller woman helped Jane stand straight. "You had no-"_

_"__Right." Jane finished before she could. She wiped her lips with the back of her arm. She didn't dare look at what she'd wiped off. "I had no right to stop that. I know."_

_"__You actively ignored what I'd said, Jane." Maura stared up at her with wide eyes. They must have looked a mess. They're night started off so great and now here they stood in the middle of the strip looking like two homeless women arguing over a steak._

_"__I know." The brunette nodded. "I know. I'm an idiot. I'm an asshole." She sat on the bus bench, her head in her hands. "I'm so fucking stupid, God, Maur. I know I suck."_

_Maura sat next to her and ran shaky fingers through her own hair. __"__Although your previous actions would compel me to think twice about your mental state, you are not stupid. You are one of the smartest people I know."_

_"__Ha," Jane rolled her eyes. "You don't have to try to lie to me, Maur. You are terrible at it."_

_"__Am I displaying signs of hyperventilation? Hives?" She heard the brunette sniffle. She looked down and saw tear stains on her friend's lap. Jane was crying. "I truly believe that you're intelligent, Jane."_

_"__Did you talk yourself into that lie?" Jane looked at her with red eyes._

_"__No." Maura shook her head. "I would never."_

_Jane smiled then laughed. Tears escaped, scraping down her face. Maura used her thumbs to wipe those unwanted tears away. She kissed her friend's cheek. She tasted salt._

_"__You're so beautiful." Jane whispered, staring at the very lips she'd just felt against her cheek. "So amazing. So funny. I love you, Maura."_

_"__I love you, Jane." The honey-blonde licked her lips._

_"__Marry me." Jane swallowed. Suddenly aware that she'd just crossed a line. But, it didn't scare her. It didn't bother her. It was a question, a suggestion, and an offer all in one._

_Maura's eyes traveled from the brunette's lips to dark eyes. Jane was serious. "Yes." She smiled._

* * *

"I asked her to marry me." Jane sighed. "This entire time I thought that it was just a game we'd come up with because we were drunk."

"You weren't as inebriated as you'd thought you'd been." Dr. Bryer offered a tissue to the brunette.

Jane declined them with a shake of her head. "At least we weren't when I asked her."

The therapist gave her a look of confusion.

* * *

_They were in a liquor store that truly should have been closed at this hour because anyone buying a few bottles of wine surely was making a mistake._

_"__Celebration drinks." Jane said as she opened the first bottle of wine. They were sitting in front of a large fountain._

_"__Are we really going to do this?" Maura asked, excitement staining her question._

_"__We are." The brunette nodded. "And you know what the best part it is?"_

_"__What?" Maura's drank straight from the bottle._

_"__The honeymoon." Jane winked._

_Maura rumbled with laughter, spilling the wine from the bottle and her mouth. "That does appear to be the best promise of this evening."_

_"__Exactly." The Detective pulled the bottle from her best friend's fingers. She watched Maura as Maura watched her drink from the bottle. "What?" She swallowed._

_"__You're very sexy." The Doctor's eyes were hooded with arousal. She licked her lips._

_"__Oh?" Jane raised an eyebrow. "You're the pretty one in this relationship." The last word made her shiver. They technically hadn't dated but they were together. In a relationship. For now._

_"__You, my friend, are entirely too modest." Maura sighed as she looked back to the City of Sin._

_"__I'm marrying the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, Maur." Jane rolled her eyes. "I'm not modest about that."_

_The honey-blonde gave her a look of challenge._

_"__I'd shout it from the roof tops!" Jane defended._

_Maura only looked at her._

_"__Don't believe me?"_

_When Maura didn't say anything, Jane stood._

_"__HEY!" She yelled. "EVERYBODY!"_

_Some people stopped. Most didn't. They were used to drunken idiots with announcements._

_"__DO YOU SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL ASS WOMAN NEXT TO ME, RIGHT HERE?" She gestured to a now embarrassed Maura who only hid her face in her hands._

_"__I'M GOING TO MARRY HER TONIGHT!" Jane laughed._

_There were a few cheers, otherwise everyone just continued with their lives._

_"__See." Jane dropped down back next to Maur. "I'm not modest. I'm very proud to have you."_

_Maura only laughed, defeated but completely proud to be Jane's._

* * *

Dr. Bryer sat across from Jane. A nervous Jane who played with her fingers.

"I don't know what to say." The therapist admitted.

"I guess there's nothing to say, really." She sighed. "That night before we left the hotel...Maura told me she thought she was falling in love with Dennis. And now I've admitted to her that I'm in love with her."

"You never said the words." Dr. Bryer said, her voice firm. She was not going to let Jane do this to herself.

"What?" Jane ran fingers through her hair.

"You never told her that you're in love with her." The white-haired woman elaborated. "You just threw some words together and she drew from that. Sure, you told her you love her more than a friend but that could mean anything, Jane. And I think she knows that."

"I told her she should be kissing me instead of Dennis."

"Yes." The other woman nodded. "But Maura only see things logically. She can think of a million reasons why you would feel that way. You don't like Dennis. So, to her, you'd rather see her kiss you instead of Dennis. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're in love with her."

"But-"

"No buts, Jane. Let's be honest with ourselves here."

"Okay." The Detective nodded. "I'll be honest. I have to tell her how I feel."

"Yes."

"Then I can go from there."

"But, just because you come clean doesn't mean she will."

At this, the therapist received a look of confusion. "Then what the fuck should I tell her for?"

"Because she needs to hear it."

"So, what if she doesn't love me back?"

"Would she have agreed to marry you?"

"She-"

"Would she have agreed to marry you?" Dr. Bryer asked again, her voice firm. "Does Maura seem like the type of woman to agree to anything she doesn't want to?"

"She might not have wanted to turn me down." Jane defended. "She does that a lot."

"I think under these circumstances, Maura would stick up for herself."

Jane nodded.

"What do you need to do?" Dr. Bryer asked.

"Tell her how I feel."

"Okay." The white-haired woman nodded with a smile.

* * *

Maura stood in her office. Her mind was racing. She couldn't make sense of anything. Nothing seemed real. Nothing seemed solid. She could easily just be dreaming. Because...that's what it felt like she was doing. Dreaming.

The knock on her door startled her. She turned quickly. She saw a guilty Frankie Rizzoli.

"Sorry," he smiled, sheepishly. "Jeez, Doc, you look sick."

Her face was green. Her skin clammy.

"Are you okay?" He asked her as she gestured for her to sit down.

"I'm..." She rubbed her face, tiredly. Suddenly she felt like she couldn't keep her eyes open. "I'm..."

"Doc." He frowned. His phone was already in his hand to call an ambulance.

"I'm fine, Frankie." She tried to smile but it looked pathetic. Her world was swaying. She tried to stand, to hold onto something but the moment she was on her feet...she was off her feet.

* * *

Maura never really liked hospitals. When she was a child, everything a doctor said seemed serious. But, now, she could understand all of their talk. And even then, some of it scared her.

"You fainted." Her doctor told her. That much she could presume. "Your blood pressure was extremely high."

"Stress." She supplied.

"Well," He sighed. "We'd like to keep you here for the night."

"I'm fine." She tried to pull her blankets from over her legs but there was something that kept them there. She looked. Angela Rizzoli's favorite purse. She looked around the small room but the eccentric woman was missing. She swallowed. She was in trouble.

"Your wife should be here soon." The man cleared his throat. He noticed her looking at the bag. Angela must have excused herself to call Jane.

"Thank you." She had no fight in her. She was tired again. He dismissed himself and Maura sat in silence. Staring at her cell phone. There were missed alerts. A lot of them. More than she would have expected. Tommy had called. Left a message. And a text message. So did Frankie. He told her that he would return to the hospital at the end of his shift.

There were messages from her mother. Her father. Some colleagues.

But none from Jane.

None from her wife. And the thought made her feel sick.

"Good, you're awake." Angela closed the hospital door, and pulled back the curtains to give them privacy. "My God, you scared me."

"I'm sorry." She truly was.

"I was just doing my job while Stanley yelled me." Angela took the seat next to the bed. "Then I saw paramedics run into the building. I had no idea where they were going until they were pulling you in those stretchers. You weren't moving, Maura. It scared the living Jesus out of me."

"I'm sorry." She said again. Even more sincere.

"And Jane?" The older woman's voice hitched. "Is absolutely beside herself with worry."

"Is she?" She asked, unconvinced.

"Despite what you think of my daughter, Maura. She loves you." Angela said, proudly. "The moment I told her, she dropped what she was doing to get here. I can imagine the wreckage she's causing to get here on the highways."

"She..." Maura held up her phone. "Never called."

"She would have been here as soon as possible." Angela was patient with her. "But there's been another killing."

Maura's heart dropped. While she was here being upset with Jane for not worrying about her, a woman was losing her life. "There isn't supposed to be another one...there's only eight men."

"They think they've recruited another man."

The honey-blonde groaned.

"Dennis was here to see you." Angela said.

"Was he?" She wasn't interested.

"Yeah," The older woman looked at the ceiling as she leaned back. She debated resting her legs on the bed but there was a chance that she wouldn't be able to get her legs down when she was done. She quickly shook that thought of her head. She could deal with the uncomfortable chair until Jane arrived. "He looked worried."

"Hmm." She still wasn't as interested as she should have been.

Angela was going to ask her a question, she even opened her mouth and took in a breath but Jane Rizzoli's knock echoed through the room then the brunette opened the door.

"Hey, baby." The older woman smiled. "She's all yours." She looked at Maura, who looked three parts guilty, nervous, and embarrassed.

"Thanks, Ma." Jane said before she kissed her mother's cheek. She wasn't just thanking her for keeping Maura company and watching out for her. She was also thanking her mother for telling her when no one else would. Everyone else had been too afraid to.

"No problem." Mrs. Rizzoli was out of the door before Jane even sat down in the chair.

Jane sighed as she looked at her wife. "You...you uh...you scared me there."

"I'm...sorry." It'd been the first time they'd been completely vulnerable around each other without Dr. Bryer present since the night they got married.

"So...what's going on?" She asked, gesturing to Maura in the bed.

"Stress." The word fell off her lips in the form a sigh.

"Me." Jane supplied.

"No." Maura looked at her. Jane didn't believe her. "No!" She said louder and firmer. "You are not a hindrance, Jane. This is...my own doing."

"Doubt it." The brunette looked down. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked, quietly.

"I'm going to be just fine." The honey-blonde promised. "I...just need to pace myself for the next few weeks. I've been feeling ill for a couple of weeks, I just ignored it."

"Why?"

"I had other things to worry about."

"Me, again." Jane laughed, the sound was awkward between them.

"Yes, but not in the way that you think."

"Then how?"

"I am...just confused."

Jane looked at her. "About what?"

"Us."

"Look...if this is about what I said today..." She tried to think of a lie. "I didn't..." But she couldn't. Not after what she'd promised herself in car on the way there. "No. Maura...I'm..."

"Jane," Maura tried.

"No. Listen." The brunette stood abruptly and began pacing. "I'm so...you're so..." She sighed, frustratedly. "You're so fucking beautiful. And funny. You make me laugh with simple things. I'm so fascinated by you. The way your mind works. Everything about you is a mystery to me...even though I know almost everything there is to know."

"Jane-"

"No!" She stopped and looked at the woman in the bed. "I need to say this because if I don't...I'll stand a chance of losing you. And I know that if I do tell you, I still could lose you. Hell, there's probably a bigger chance of losing you by telling you but I've always lived my life in the same words my grandpop told me. If you quit before you try, you lose. But if you try, you have a chance. You will always have a chance. No matter what anyone else tells you. And I'd like to think the only way I'll have a chance with you is to tell you how I feel. So..."

Maura held her breath.

"I...am so in love with you, Maura. I am so very in love with you. And when Ma called me...I thought I'd lost you. I think she purposely worded it the way she did to get me to be scared. To get me to get my head out of my ass. I was so torn between going to the crime scene and coming here. But on my way here, God I was making more illegal turns than I do in a car chase."

The honey-blonde smiled at the thought.

"Maura...I love you." Jane sat down on the bed. She took the smaller woman's hand. "I can't promise we'll be okay after this. I can't promise that I could live with myself if you didn't love me back. But...I need to know...is...is there a chance?"

Maura stared at her. As if she were a figment of her imagination. Jane looked at her with big brown eyes. Desperate brown eyes.

She'd imagined Jane asking her that for a while. She'd imagined Jane confessing since the moment she herself realized she had feelings for her best friend. But, that was just it. Those had been imaginations. Daydreams. Hopes. Never did she once think that it would truly happen. Even if it had, she was never prepared for this moment. Maura liked to be prepared. She had to be prepared. Otherwise, she was stuck in the situation she was in now. Staring uncertainty in the eye. Unsure of what to do or say.

Jane loved her. Well, Jane _thought _she loved Maura. And she loved Jane. So very much with everything in her but how could she ever truly love Jane the way Jane needed to be loved? She could hardly ever understand her best friend? How could she...how could she...do it?

She didn't love Jane. She couldn't love Jane. She couldn't be in love with her. No. She couldn't.

Because Jane was stupid. Jane was poor. Jane was goofy. Jane had no manners. Jane was immature. Jane was annoying. Jane was a slob. Jane was a great depression waiting to happen. Jane was a mess. Jane wasn't enough. Dennis was enough. Men like Dennis were good for her. Men like Ian deserved her. Not Jane.

"Is there a chance?" Jane asked again, her confidence completely deflated now. "Do...do you love me?"

Maura swallowed hard. "No." She said firmly.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hello?" It was a little after two in the morning. Somehow, the sleeping pills had worked. Somehow she'd fallen asleep. Her voice was strained. It was raw and sore.

"Korsak said we'd better get to the precinct as soon as possible." Frost's voice was no better. He was just as tired.

"Okay." She sighed. She was already out of bed and throwing on her pants. A shower would have helped wake her but she wasn't sure if she wanted to wake up. She quickly threw on jeans and kept the shirt she'd slept in on. Her holster was around her waist and her shoes on. She didn't even care about her hair.

Frost and Korsak were facing the whiteboard. On it were the photos of the victims from the Black Jacks case. And where the suspects should have been was only one photo. The rest of them were taken down.

"There was a tip called in." Korsak said when Jane sat down in her chair. He took a look at her appearance but decided it was best not to go there. He moved for her to see the photo.

"Dennis?!" She exclaimed.

"BBK checked his tour dates," he sighed. "Every few days he has time off is around the time one of our victims was killed."

"But...there's forensic evidence that there's multiple men." Jane said. "Hair that was left."

"But we never got a match to the hair that we found." Frost pulled up a chair. "And the only other evidence there is that the killings were done just a little bit differently. Right handed and left handed. Or which type knife was used."

"Have you called..." She couldn't even say the woman's name. It felt caustic on her tongue. "Have you called her?"

"We did." Korsak nodded. No one knew what was going on between them. No one knew that anything had been going on. As much as they knew, Maura was still in the hospital. They were still the happy married couple. But, somehow, Maura talked the doctors out of making her stay. She left against medical advice.

"Said she'd be in soon." Frost massaged his shoulder. As soon as he said the words, the elevator dinged. "Speak of the Angel." He smiled, sadly. He hoped he wasn't going to be the one to break the news to Maura.

"What was the tip, exactly?" Jane asked, choosing to ignore Maura's entrance. The woman was a little ways away. She surely couldn't hear them.

"Just told us to check his background."

"We did."

"See," Korsak flipped the board over to the clean side. Well, what Jane thought was clean. On it were circumstantial evidence against Dennis. "He lied about his name and being adopted. There was no Dennis Rockman but we did find another Dennis. Born the same day in the same year in the same town. He has been living on his own since he was sixteen when he left his foster family. He somehow managed to get emancipated and has been working his way up. He never went to college but-" When Maura was in hearing distance, Korsak quickly closed his mouth.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" The honey-blonde was obviously tired but Det. Frost and Sgt. Det. Korsak could tell she hadn't gotten any sleep at all. In fact, she sounded very awake when Korsak had called her. Tired, yes. Asleep, no.

Her hair was in a lazy bun and she wore jeans and a shirt. A shirt that looked like it belonged to Jane Rizzoli rather Maura Isles.

"We need to talk to you, Doc." Korsak sighed. He gestured to his chair which was next to Frost. "Have a seat?"

All it took was for her to get in the brunette's line of view. "I'm going to go get some coffee." Jane announced as she stood. She was looking toward the elevator, which was away from Maura.

All three of them looked at her.

"Okay." Korsak was unsure but he only nodded for her to go.

She swallowed hard. And left.

When Jane returned, Maura was gone. Frost had his head down on the desk. Korsak was staring the whiteboard.

"What happened?" She asked as she handed her sergeant his coffee.

He sighed. "She didn't believe us."

"And she left." Frost said from the his cocooned arms.

"You let her go home by herself?!"

"Well...we don't really have proof that he's a murderer." Korsak looked at her. "Besides, Dennis is on tour."

"No he's not." Jane nudged Frost. "He went to see Maura at the hospital but my Ma was there."

"You think he'll hurt her?"

"He's interested in single women, Frost." She said as if it should have been obvious. "I think it's a pretty safe bet." She was already pulling out her cell phone. The first number she dialed was her brother's.

"Jane?" Frankie asked, in the very sleepy voice she'd expected.

"Frankie, I need you at Maura's house as soon as possible."

"What-"

"Now, Frankie!" When she used that tone, when it was an order and a plea at the same time, he knew that it was serious. He was out of bed in seconds and running to his car with his gun, jeans, and his shoes in minutes. When she heard him start his car, she ended the call.

"I need you to trace Dennis' phone." She said to Frost.

He was typing on his computer before she finished the sentence. "Number?"

"555-3040." She was already dialing another number.

"Jane?" Maura answered. "I...I thought..."

"Are you home yet?" The Detective asked as she looked at Frost's computer. Dennis' location hadn't popped up yet, but she could see that Frost was already tracking Maura. Just in case.

"No...I-"

"Don't go home." She said. Begged.

"Jane, Dennis is not-"

"Please!" The brunette pleaded.

"Jane, he is not a murderer. He isn't capable of those things." Maura snapped. Refusing to be interrupted again. "Just because things between you and I aren't going to work doesn't mean that you can arrest him for a crime he wasn't even in town to commit."

"Maur-"

"Goodbye, Jane." She ended the call before the brunette could say anything else.

"Fuck!" Jane cursed loudly as she stared down at her phone. "What happened to Dennis' real parents?"

"Father died in a bar fight." Frost answered.

"Mother turned out to be a prostitute after walking home one night and being raped."

"Let me guess," Jane rolled her eyes. "That's how Dennis was born?"

"Yeah."

"And he rapes and kills innocent women because that's what his mother wanted. She wanted to die after she was raped."

"How-"

"Instead, she was stuck with a kid."

"Except-"

"She didn't want the kid." Jane was on a roll and she couldn't be stopped. The clues were just falling directly into their rightful places. "She gave him up. I bet he kept going back to her and she kept returning him to whatever foster family he belonged to." Korsak only nodded. "I bet his mother's dead."

"She is." Frost answered from his desk.

"I bet Dennis killed her."

"His first kill." Korsak sighed.

"Yeah," She was at her desk. On it had been photos from the crime scenes. There was one photo that always stuck out to her. A middle aged woman with Jane's name carved in her forehead. In the first desk drawer had been Dennis' Thank You note to Jane for helping save his life.

"Whatcha got there?" Korsak asked as he looked over her shoulder.

"Comparing lettering." She stared at the words. Jane. Thank You.

Jane. Thank You.

They were almost identical.

"I got his location!" Frost announced.

"Where is he?"

"He's..." He hesitated.

"Where is he?!" She demanded.

"Outside your apartment..."

Jane thought for a moment.

"Ma..." She breathed.


	13. Chapter 13

She drove fast. Too fast. Her sirens blaring, waking Boston. Frost was at her side, Korsak in the backseat.

There were times she heard Frost praying at her side that he'd make it home tonight. She paid no mind to it because she only hoped she could make it home to her Ma in time.

"Are you still tracing him?" She asked frantically, hoping. There were other squad cars behind them, joining them as if Jane was a magnet attracting them, but Jane was the fastest and somehow the loudest.

"Yeah." He gestured to the iPad in his lap. "He's in the area but he's still there."

They turned the corner to her street and she could see her mother's car parked illegally next to the hydrant. Jane parked the car haphazardly, before it was even completely stopped, her partner was out of the car with his gun in his hand. Korsak was right behind Frost. Jane somehow managed to be in front of the two men although she was the last to get out of the car.

"We're looking for Dennis Rockman!" Korsak said to the other officers who'd just arrived. "He's in this vicinity."

"Korsak, you go with them." Jane said. "Frost and I got it from here." The older man nodded and he was gone.

Jane and Frost had a group of officers behind them. She signaled for them to check the rest of the building while her main goal was to get to her mother.

The two partners ran up the stairs until they reached Jane's apartment. Without knocking on the door, she kicked it in. Not caring that she would have to deal with that later. Sooner than later if they got Dennis tonight.

"Ma?!" She called out. Her mother appeared from her bedroom with a frantic look on her face.

"Jane, what the hell?!" Angela tied her robe. "What's going on?!"

"Are you okay?" She ignored her mother's questions.

"I was until you knocked the damn door down!"

"It's clear!" Frost called from the back of the apartment. He covered his eyes.

"Frost, I'm wearing a robe, I'm not naked." Angela rolled her eyes.

"I can see your, uh, your..." He pointed to her chest.

"Everyone has nipples." She sighed.

"This was too easy." Jane whispered. Mostly to herself. Dennis wasn't there. He wanted them to find him. He wanted to make it as hard as possible. "He called the tip in."

"What?" Angela was beyond confused. "Honey, where are you going?" She called as her daughter ran out of the apartment. She looked at Frost who seemed to be battling whether he should go and run or stay and protect Angela. Either way, he'd take a fall. If he left and something happened to Angela, Jane would never forgive him. If he stayed and something happened to Jane, no one else would ever forgive him.

Jane's phone vibrated at her hip as she entered her squad car.

"Yeah?" She was already starting the car.

"We found his phone, Jane." Korsak sighed from the other end. "He attached it to a stray dog."

She floored the gas pedal and hung up the phone. Korsak only confirmed her suspicion. Absolutely nothing could happen to Maura. Even if the other woman didn't want her. Even if the other woman had chosen that psychopath over her. She loved Maura too much to let her just die.

Jane had turned off her lights and sirens a few blocks away, long enough away so Maura or Dennis wouldn't hear her. She ran the rest of the blocks to the honey-blonde's house.

There was only one light on in Maura's house and it was the light for her bedroom. Jane quietly fished her key out of her pocket and prayed that the door was locked. It hadn't been.

She ignored the anger at her best friend and entered the home on the tips of her toes. Her gun was drawn out in front of her, she was ready to shoot at any point.

Jane took careful steps up the stairs. Everything about her movements were careful. As if her own life depended on it. Maura's bedroom door was opened.

"Detective Rizzoli." A male voice called from Maura's room, sadistically. "You're far more intelligent than I originally gave you credit for."

The Detective felt sweat collected at her back and her neck. She took careful steps into the room. There stood Dennis. With a gun to Maura's temple. His other arm tight around her neck. So many times had she imagined her shooting him there, and here he stood, threatening Maura. The Doctor wore a look of guilt, fear, and anger.

"Jane," She begged. "Please...please don't let him kill me."

Brown eyes flashed to hazel.

"Why are you here alone, Jane?" Dennis smirked. "I thought you learned your lesson from Hoyt."

Her palms burned. "Too stupid to learn my lesson, I guess."

He laughed. The sound made her nauseous. "Can't disagree there."

"Look," She lowered her weapon. "Look, I'm not going to hurt you. Just let her go."

"Why should I?" He looked at Maura through the large mirror from her vanity. "She shouldn't have saved me." He laughed and it sounded like metal against metal. "Wonder if she knew what she was saving when she breathed her life into me."

"She was saving an innocent man." Jane supplied. At least at the time he was an innocent man. In their eyes.

"She was saving a monster!" Dennis snapped, he righted the gun against Maura.

"Dennis, please!" Maura begged.

"No!" He tightened his arm around her neck. Either he was going to kill her from shooting her or a more painful and slow death; asphyxiation.

"What do you want me to do?" Jane begged. "I'll do anything. Just...please don't hurt her."

"You know what I want you to do?" He smiled. She nodded. "Pick your gun up." Jane complied. "Are there any rounds in it?"

She checked. Of course, she already knew the answer to that. She nodded.

"Put it to your head." He demanded.

"No," Maura begged. "No, please no!"

But, Jane complied without a second thought. A look of concentration overtook her face. If it was to save Maura, she would do it. She'd do anything to save Maura.

"My God." Dennis laughed. "You'd really kill yourself to save her?"

"Yes."

"Jane, please!" Maura begged. It was hard to understand her. Sobs overtook her words.

"She wouldn't do the same for you."

"I know."

"Jane, please don't!" The honey-blonde begged. "Shoot me!" She pleaded. She stared at Dennis through the large mirror. "Shoot me, Dennis. Please, shoot me!"

"No!" Jane snapped her eyes open. "No. Maura no."

"Now I don't know who should die." He was having fun with this. "What about this...Jane give your gun to Maura." The brunette took careful steps. "Maura...keep in mind, I am ready to blow your damn brains out so don't try anything."

The honey-blonde only nodded.

"Go back over there." He used his eyes to point to where Jane had been before. She walked backwards with her hands up. "Maura, dear." He said as if it'd been a normal morning between them. Like she was making breakfast and he was reading from a newspaper. Like they were in love.

There was a sound that escaped the honey-blonde's lips. It was all they could get from her.

"Shoot Jane."

"No!" Maura fought against him. But he had a strong hold on her. "I can't. Please...no, I can't."

"It's the only way to live." He whispered in her ear.

"Maur," Jane said from across the room. "Just do it."

"I can't do it, Jane!" Maura snapped up, her eyes were bloodshot red. "I refuse to!"

"Okay." Jane was patient. Even in a time like this, Jane was patient with her. "Just...just don't anything stupid." She smiled sadly. "Like...shooting yourself."

Dennis laughed. "Funny, Detective."

She rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Maura." He encouraged. "You told me that Jane taught you how to shoot. Let's see how well she taught you."

"I...I can't." The gun dropped from her hands. Dennis gave her a look of anger through the mirror. "I'm so sorry, Jane."

Jane closed her eyes. She couldn't watch. She knew it was coward of her to turn away but she couldn't. She couldn't watch him kill her best friend, the love of her life, her wife. An all too familiar noise reverberated through the room, it shook the walls like a train on a track. She felt something hot and wet on her skin. The blood of her wife.

She opened her eyes but there stood Maura. Dennis' body was on the ground behind her. Behind Jane were footsteps.

"You alright?" Frankie asked, although it appeared Jane should be asking him that. There was a large gash on his forehead. Dennis must have taken him out before he entered the house.

"Yeah," She wiped her face with her hands. "Yeah...I'm okay." She turned to Maura. Who only stood. Staring at the remains of Dennis.

"Hey, Doc." He shook her a little. "Doc, are you okay?"

There was no response.

There were red and blue lights outside of the house. Good guys. Good men. There. Jane watched in a daze as they checked on Maura. They'd somehow convinced her, although it didn't take much considering she was a zombie, to get checked out in the ambulance bus. Jane sat in one as well. Frankie's in fact. He was getting his head patched up. Statements had been taken. Although, they would do a follow-up in the morning, anyway.

"Should be fine." Said the paramedic. "You sure you don't want to go to the hospital? That thing looks like it needs stitches. It's still bleeding."

Not now. His sister needed him. "Nah, thanks." Frankie smiled at the paramedic. When the man walked away, Frankie looked at his sister. Whose gaze still hadn't moved from Maura. "Go talk to her." He nudged her side.

She shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not?" His eyes flashed to the Doc. She was staring right back at Jane.

"She's...I'm not good enough." Her voice was low. Like she didn't want anyone else but her brother to know the truth.

Somehow, Maura had read her lips and dropped her gaze.

Jane sighed and grabbed one of the BPD jackets given to her. A jacket she was most likely going to give back the very next day.

"Where you goin?" Frankie asked.

"Home." She breathed.

He gave her a confused look.

"My apartment."

"You're missin' a door, Janie."

"It'll be okay." She swallowed. "Take Ma back to your place, alright?" She glanced at her mother who was currently trying to comfort the Doctor.

"Al-alright..." He frowned.

"See ya, Frankie." And she was gone into sunrise.


	14. Chapter 14

The Boston Police Department had a sort of fog over it. A fog of fear. Jane Rizzoli hadn't come into work yet. Although everyone else had been there. Usually, she was one of the first people there, despite her absolute disdain for mornings.

Maura sat in her office. She'd spent an hour on the phone with her mother and father, convincing them to stay in New York. She was fine. Sure, she was creeped out. She'd almost fallen in love with a murderer. Yes, she was traumatized but she would get through it. She knew that rationally, he couldn't get to her now. He was sitting in her autopsy freezer. Dead.

"I love you as well, Mother." Maura said, relieved that she'd successfully kept her parents in New York. "I will call you when I return home." She promised.

"Okay, love." Constance said on the other line. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye." The line was disconnected. Maura sighed. She stood from her desk and looked around her office. It was empty. She'd handed in her letter of resignation over three hours ago. All that remained in this office was her desk and the chair that had been there when she'd arrived.

She picked up her cell phone again and dialed a number she'd thought about dialing all morning.

Three rings. That was all it took.

"Dr. Bryer." The woman answered.

"Dr. Bryer," Maura cleared her throat. "It's Dr. Isles."

"Oh," The woman on the other line smiled. "Hello, Maura. How are you? You certainly are a popular subject in the news this morning."

"I'm..." She sighed. "I'm fine. I was curious. Do you have an open appointment for me today before nine tonight?"

She could hear as Dr. Bryer shuffled papers. "Ah, yes. I do." She said. "My appointment at three canceled. Does that work for you?"

"Yes." Maura wanted to smile. Just to feel alive. "I'll see you then."

"Goodbye, Dr. Isles."

* * *

Jane sat across from a woman who held her future in her hands. Her palms were sweating. Her finger shook.

"Detective Rizzoli." Judge Traceman smiled. "I would say it's nice to see you but under the circumstances...I would assume that's inappropriate."

Jane only shrugged.

"You're asking for a divorce." She assured.

"Yes." Jane nodded. She rubbed her palms against her jeans. "Six months of marriage isn't going to work..."

Judge Traceman would have been surprised if she hadn't seen the news before she left her home that morning. "May I ask why not?"

* * *

_It was entirely too early to be in the building. She'd used one of the back doors to sneak in. She grabbed some things from her desk. Korsak's desk was empty. So was Frost's. She looked around the room. No other Detective had been there yet. She already knew where Korsak and Frost were. Back at Maura's house. They were still at the final crime scene of the Black Jacks case. The Dennis Rockman case. _

_"__Detective Rizzoli." A voice called from the door. _

_Jane whipped around. She found a man. A medium built. In his forties. Short black hair. Caucasian. He wore a suit. _

_"__Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner." He smiled. _

_"__You're a Fed?" She closed the top drawer to her desk. _

_He nodded. "Yeah," His smile faded. "The BAU has been watching you for the last two years." _

_She gave him a look of confusion. _

_"__The Behavioral Analysis Unit." _

_"__Profilers?" _

_"__Yeah." He smiled again but then it faded as he took a few steps into the room. "You are a tremendous officer." _

_She only gave a one-sided shrug. _

_"__We've recently lost a team member." _

_"__I'm sorry." She frowned. _

_"__She decided to rejoin the CIA." He studied Jane for a moment then took a few more steps in. "Prentiss was..a good agent. But...for a while now, we've been interested in you." _

_"__I don't have any profiler skills." _

_"__I know." He smiled. "At least none that you've learned from the FBI." _

_"__I..." _

_"__How did you know that know that Dennis Rockman was at Dr. Isles' house instead of your apartment? Before Sgt. Korsak informed you?" He inquired. _

_"__I..." She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just knew that was where he was going. He wanted us to think he was at my place to kill my Ma." _

_"__But you knew." _

_"__Any common Detective-" _

_"__Jane, you are not _any common Detective_." He sighed. "You are brilliant. So, here I am. Offering you a job. Better pay. Better benefits. And it's many miles away from the grave of Charles Hoyt." _

_"__I don't know..." _

_"__Is there anything keeping you here?" _

_"__I don't have any training." _

_"__We'll take care of that, Rizzoli." He smiled. "Here," he handed her a card. "It has my work phone and my cell phone. When you come to a decision, if you decide that there's nothing in Boston holding you back, give me a call and I'll get you on the first plane to Quantico." _

_She only nodded in response. _

_"__I hope to be hearing from you, Det. Rizzoli." _

* * *

"Have you decided to leave Boston?" Judge Traceman asked.

"Yes." Jane nodded. "So, if we can't get an annulment...I'd at least like to get a divorce." She noticed the Judge getting ready to tell her it was almost impossible. "I know what you said. I know that. But, please? I can't stand to look at her. He held a gun to her head. He asked her to shoot me. I can't do it. I'll do anything as long as I don't have to look at her."

Something about Jane Rizzoli begging rubbed the Judge the wrong way.

"I can give you a divorce." She smiled. "You weren't married long enough to share enough together."

"She can have everything."

Judge Tracement frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." Jane smiled in return but it faded just as quickly as it appeared.

* * *

Dr. Bryer was used to her clients sitting in silence. Even after they'd planned the appointment. But, there was something Maura wanted to discuss. So much she'd wanted to discuss and it was painfully obvious.

"How are you today, Maura?" She asked.

"I'm fine."

"Maura." Dr. Bryer raised an eyebrow.

"Physically I'm fine." The honey-blonde defended, quietly. "I feel fine, physically."

"Okay," The white-haired woman took a deep breath. "How are you, emotionally? Mentally?"

"Emotionally?" Maura looked at her. "Broken. Mentally? I can't even describe."

"Let's start with the object of your misery."

"I can remember the way she touched me." She whispered. "The night we married."

* * *

_Jane and Maura stumbled into Jane's hotel room. _

_"__You are officially married, Maura Isles." Jane laughed as she collapsed on the bed. "You are officially a married woman." _

_"__Ah, ah, ah." Maura wiggled her finger as she corrected her wife. She crawled on the brunette's lap. "Maura Isles-Rizzoli." _

_"__Has a nice ring to it." Jane sing-songed her wife's new name. _

_"__Is it time to consummate our marriage?" The honey-blonde husked. _

_Jane sat up on her elbows and kissed her wife. "I think it may be." She felt eyes on her torso. Maura was a fan of Jane's abs and now that they were married...she made no effort to try to hide her fascination. _

_Their kiss was slow. It was careful. They had all night. They wanted to take their time. Do this right. But the kiss was also clumsy due to the amount of alcohol the women had pumping through their blood. It was any luck they managed to find each other's lips. _

_Tongues collided and danced together. They were focused. _

_"__Mmm," Maura pulled away. Desperate for air. She felt Jane's fingers in her hair. "I love you." She whispered. _

_"__I love you." Jane returned without a second thought. _

_The smaller woman slid off her wife's lap and stood. She shimmied out of her dress. _

_"__You look so beautiful." The brunette whispered. "Can I?" She reached for Maura's abdomen. _

_"__Of course." The honey-blonde nodded. She felt shaky fingers against her skin. Jane was nervous. Just as nervous as Maura had been. She'd never made love to a woman and she'd never wanted to until she'd met Jane. Of course, she'd always been curious. Even curious enough to research it. But, she'd never found a woman to explore those curiosities with...until Jane. _

_The Detective swallowed hard. Her lips kissed the swell of Maura's right breast. Then the left. She was looking at art. She was kissing art. She was in love with beautiful art. _

_While Jane was busy enjoying the view and tasting it as well, Maura took the chance to peel the brunette's shirt off of her. She threw it across the room. Next she bent down, giving Jane better access to her neck, she unbuttoned the black chinos that she truly loved on Jane._

_"__Jane," Maura whispered. _

_"__Yes?" Answered Jane. Ready to give Maura whatever she wanted. No matter what. _

_"__Make love to me, please." _

_The brunette nodded. Her nerves gone. She pulled the honey-blonde onto her lap. First article of clothing gone was the bra. She praised the glorious pink nipples. The soft breasts. She licked them. The divine taste was stored in memory, along with their first kiss, the first time they'd met, and hopefully their wedding. _

_Jane licked her own lips as she held Maura's breasts in her hands. They fit perfectly. Everything about them fit perfectly. As cliché as it sounded. It was the truth. Her thumbs lightly grazed the perky nipples. This elicited a moan from the woman straddling her. _

_"__More." The honey-blonde urged. "More, please." She ground her hips against Jane. Which only teased her even more. She needed fingers there. Jane's fingers. _

_"__Patience." Jane smirked as her fingers captured those very same nipples she'd been mesmerized by earlier. _

_"__Ugh." Maura groaned in frustration but the sound quickly turned into a moan when Jane's lips captured her left nipple. Her teeth grazed the skin. The smaller woman rolled her hips in encouragement. _

_"__Huh." Jane pulled back. "You're not complaining now." _

_"__Please, Jane." Maura ground her hips. Her core placing wet kisses against the brunette's thigh. "I need more." _

_"__Okay," Jane rolled them over and scooted them a little further on the bed. Another chance to prove to Maura just how strong she was. It only aroused the honey-blonde even more. She placed a kiss between the Doctor's breast. "Is this where you want me to kiss you?" Maura shook her head. Jane kissed a little down until she reached the middle of the smaller woman's abdomen. "Here?" Again, Maura shook her head. _

_She reached Maura's belly button. "Here?" _

_"__No." Maura groaned. _

_Jane smirked and kissed smooth skin on her wife's hip. "Here?" _

_"__Lower." The honey-blonde begged. _

_She spread her wife's legs. "Ah, I see where." She teased. The scent of Maura's arousal danced in her nose. She couldn't get enough of the smell. It was better than any meal ever prepared. It was an aroma that money could never buy. It was an aroma that belonged to her and only her for the rest of their lives. _

_Jane pressed her lips against Maura's lower wet pair. This evoked a moan from the other woman. She rolled her hips against Jane's lips. The brunette licked the still hooded clit. Which caused for another roll of Maura's hips. _

_"__I need more," Maura urged. She lifted her hips. _

_"__I'll give you more." Jane promised. She slid one finger inside of Maura's depths, one finger and she knew she was teasing. But having this woman crumble to her will...something about it was so just so powerful and satisfying. Having Maura at her beck and call...it just felt like Jane ruled everything in the world. Like she was in control of everything. And the sounds she caused. She was the reason behind those glorious sounds. _

_Sounds so beautiful she wanted to listen to them in her sleep. _

_Sounds so beautiful she wanted to listen to them on her way to work._

_Sounds so beautiful she needed them every day in her life. _

_"__More." The honey-blonde urged, moving her hips to get the right friction. Jane smiled, deciding that Maura had had enough torture. _

_"__It's amazing," The brunette inserted another finger and Maura's body was a wave. Her back arched into Jane's palm. Her thumb replaced her tongue. "Skin on skin contact can start a fire." She felt Maura melt beneath her. Her fingers moved at a steady pace. It was slow at first, but as the tempo grew, Maura's moans grew louder and louder until they were echoing off the walls and Jane feared they would get kicked out of the hotel. _

_"__God, Jane," Maura moved her hips with the brunette. They worked together. "I need...I need to feel you." She gasped. Her head snapped up and her hand was searching for Jane's core. "Please, I need you. I need to feel you." _

_The brunette straddled Maura's thigh, her other leg was bent. She swallowed hard when Maura found her briefs. Her entire hand slipped in. She ran her nails through the curls before she settled on the brunette's clit. Jane was wet. And ready. She needed Maura just as much as Maura needed to feel her._

_That was all Jane needed. Maura's fingers on her. _

_They worked together. Against each other. Trying to make the other come first. Their sounds of pleasure made a song of love. Nothing else mattered in the world. Not a damn thing. And they preferred it that way. _

_Maura was the first to cave. Jane knew it. It got harder to push into Maura. The smaller woman's moans got louder. Longer. More desperate. _

_Jane came soon after. Just the sound of Maura was enough. _

_She collapsed on her wife. Breathing so heavy her breath alone pushed the honey-blonde that hid the beautiful face she desperately longed to see. _

_"__Hello." Maura smiled. _

_"__Hi." Jane bit her bottom lip. "I love you." _

_"__Prove it." The Doctor challenged with a smirk. _

* * *

"I can still feel it." Maura whispered. "The way she touched me." She sighed. "Not just the way she touched me...sexually. But, emotionally. Does that make sense?"

Dr. Bryer nodded.

"I can still feel her lips against my own. Against my neck." She looked down, defeated. "Last night...I thought I'd never feel her again."

"You can have her back, Maura." Dr. Bryer tried to smile but it'd gone unnoticed by the other woman. "She's just at home. He didn't take her from you."

"I told her I didn't love her." The honey-blonde hid her face in her hands. She groaned. "When she needed me to tell her. I decided that I wasn't good enough for her. I told myself she wasn't good enough for me."

Dr. Bryer only listened. Not judging.

She pulled back her collar which displayed a freckled clavicle. "I have never had hives this bad."

"Why did you lie to her, Maura?" The older woman asked.

"She would be so happier...without me."

"Is that an assumption?" The white-haired woman challenged. "I thought Dr. Maura Isles never made assumptions?"

"It's the truth." Maura looked at Dr. Bryer. "She's far more well-known and well liked than I am. Boston would miss her. They won't miss me."

"Won't." Dr. Bryer frowned. "You say that like you're going somewhere." A look of guilt crossed Maura's face. "Maura..."

"I..." She sighed. "I have temporarily taken a job in New York. I just need some time away from Boston."

"How long is temporary?"

"Just one year." She admitted, quietly. "The Boston Police Department is entirely understanding, considering all that I've been through lately. Most Medical Examiners don't have to deal with murderers as much as I do."

"Does Jane know?"

"I suppose her mother will tell her." She shrugged. "Someone will."

"But you won't."

"She doesn't want to see me." Maura groaned. "It's true, I prefer to isolate away from assumptions. But...I think it's safe to theorize that Jane would favor never seeing my face again."

"What are you going to do?"

Maura thought for a moment. "I'm going to gather the rest of my necessities." She nodded once. "Then leave for New York."


	15. Chapter 15

Maura sat in the heart of her home. Her living area. Well, it felt like it was the heart of her home. It was where she felt the most love in her house. Either it was in the kitchen or the dining area or in the living room where she watched television with Jane.

"What time is your flight?" Angela asked, quietly.

"Eleven." Maura sighed. She looked at her watch. She had four hours.

"Can I take you?"

The honey-blonde looked at the woman who felt like more of a mother than her own. The truth hurt her. This woman was not her mother. Her mother was waiting for her in New York. Her mother was getting everything for her ready. Her mother was not Italian. Her mother was not a honey-blonde such as herself. Her mother was not Angela Rizzoli.

"That won't be necessary." She tried to excuse. If Angela took her, there was bound to be a goodbye talk. And she just couldn't say goodbye yet. She needed to hear that she would be missed and that was all. She hoped she could hear she wouldn't be missed, so there would be no reason to return in the first place.

"Maura, please." Angela rarely begged for much. Just like her daughter. But then again, she did pry a lot and she was very persistent. Just like her daughter. "I don't know when I'll ever see you again."

She sighed. She didn't know either. "Okay." She nodded. Not bothering to smile because nothing inside of her was worth smiling for.

"Thank you." The older woman smiled. She finished busying herself in the kitchen. Maura only stared around her home. She was leaving it to Angela. The guestroom in the house was to belong to Angela. The guesthouse was to belong to whomever Angela decided to give it to.

"I...I need you to do something for me, Angela." Maura turned to her.

Angela only stopped her hands but she didn't turn.

The younger woman pulled out a list. It was wrinkled. The first time anything of Maura's had been wrinkled. "Det. Barry Frost." She stated. "He shouldn't eat directly before visiting a crime scene." She sighed. "If you bring Pepto Bismol to him and comfort him, in time he'll be fine."

Angela nodded. She could do that.

"Sgt. Vince Korsak," she swallowed. "He absolutely cannot eat red meats. He will argue you, but tell him that it is the Doctor's orders."

"I can do that." Angela smiled.

"Tell Frankie that he is losing weight," Maura's fingers shook. "Even when he isn't. He's trying his best and he needs words of encouragement." She was quiet for a moment. Debating. "At some point, he will confess to you about something. Be as understanding as you possibly can be, okay?"

Angela nodded again.

"Try to play chess more with Tommy." The younger woman cleared her throat. "He needs his mind stimulated. He's prone to doing illegal things to challenge his mind. But, if you excite his mind with deep discussions or chess games, it will keep him out of trouble."

Angela had never known that about her son.

She looked down at the list. The very last name. The very most important name to her. The tears flowed down so freely and she did nothing to stop them. "J-Jane," The word was barely audible. "She...she's going to need you." She sniffled. "She's going to need time at first. But, then one day she is going to need you. Just you. Please...make sure she keeps herself safe, Angela. Please." As if the rest didn't matter, she needed Angela to do this is nothing else.

Angela walked around the counter then wrapped her arms around the younger woman. The woman who let her in without another word. The woman who took care of her. The woman who never once lied to her. Never once hurt her. She was going to lose this woman and she had no idea how to stop it. How to delay it.

"It's going to be okay." She couldn't exactly make due on those promises but she hoped. She silently prayed. She prayed that Maura could get through it all. That Jane could get through it too.

There was a vibration in Maura's jean pocket. She pulled back, pulling her defenses up again. She was going to become reserved again. She was telling herself that she didn't need anyone else. That Jane had been the one person she ever needed and look how that turned out. Of course, it hadn't been Jane's fault. None of it had been Jane's fault. She hurt Jane. She wondered if Angela would still love her if she knew that she was the direct source for her daughter's pain.

"Dr. Isles." She answered.

"Dr. Isles," a woman on the other line said. "Judge Traceman here."

"Hello." She frowned.

"I need you to come in as soon as possible." The Judge said. Leaving no room for excuses. "Today."

"Okay." Maura nodded, although the other woman couldn't see it. "I'll be there in an hour."

"Will you be back in time?" Angela asked as Maura disconnected the line.

"I hope so."

Maura sat across from Judge Traceman. The woman only stared at her back. There was an awkward silence.

"Just a few hours ago," the Judge began. "Your wife was sitting there."

The title broke her heart.

There was a blue folder slid between them on the desk. "I need you to sign this."

"What is it?" She asked without reaching for it.

"A divorce." Traceman looked at Maura. "Jane has left everything to you. She decided she didn't want anything." Maura wasn't sure what that meant. Was it just Jane's apartment? Jane's dog? Jane's savings? Jane's favorite pillow? Her toothbrush?

"She talked to you into it." It was a statement. Maura knew how convincing Jane could be.

"Yeah, that and well," the other woman cleared her throat. "I think you two have proven to me that you deserve this. I misjudged. I can call myself on that. I thought there was something more there and I hoped to help."

Maura swallowed hard. She read the document. Jane's apartment had been left to Maura. Jane's furniture. Her bed. Half of her savings. Well, whatever was left. The wedding rings were left to Maura. Jo Friday was Maura's as well.

"But Jane assured me that there was nothing there and you both were wasting your time." She sighed. "She wanted to start her new life with a clean slate. I hope she realizes that the memory of all of this will still be there. Just because something never existed legally doesn't mean it didn't exist at all."

The honey-blonde nodded.

"I called your office," she watched Maura open the file. "They said you were on leave."

"Yes."

"Does Jane know?"

"It doesn't matter." She signed and dated where possible. She quickly closed the file before she could see the lazily scribbled name next to hers. But, as she closed the file she noticed it. She glanced at it. Jane wanted this. Jane wanted a new life after she left.

"Thank you, Judge. Traceman."

"Thank you, Dr. Isles."

* * *

Jane sat in front of her lieutenant. It'd been the first time she'd entered BPD all day and was noticed. He stared at her. He stared hard.

"You're sure about this?" Lt. Cavanaugh asked.

"I'm sure." She frowned.

"Are you and Maura deciding to move somewhere else?"

The name instantly angered her. "Excuse me?"

"I just assumed...since you both were quitting..."

"No." She cleared her throat. "No, I don't know where she's going but the FBI wants me and I want to be with them."

"Okay." He nodded. "Just know that you'll always have a job here in Boston if it doesn't work out there."

"Thanks." She was sure that wouldn't be necessary. She had memories in Boston. She didn't have any memories in Quantico, Virginia.

"It has been a real honor working with you, Jane Rizzoli." He stood.

They shook hands. The contact only saddened her. "It has been a pleasure working with you, Cavanaugh." She tried to smile.

She left the office as soon as possible. She tried leaving the building as soon as possible. She was at her desk now, hoping that Frost or Korsak didn't catch her. Now, the department was buzzing with life and people had noticed her. But after she dealt with Charles Hoyt and his apprentices, they learned that after disaster, Jane needed to be alone. So, they kept their distances.

Not Frost. Not Korsak.

"Hey, Jane." The dark man called from the elevator. "We've been looking for you all day."

"Kid was scared you ate your gun in your apartment." Korsak laughed.

She sure had thought about it a lot that day. She decided moving was less messier.

Both men noticed the box with her stuff in it. Her desk had been stripped. Leaving just the computer. No photos. No files. No nothing. It was emptier than they'd ever seen it.

"Where...where you goin?" Frost asked. He looked like a lost puppy.

"I was offered a job."

"Where?" Korsak demanded. He was angry. She'd expected as much from him. After all she'd been through, she never quit. Jane Rizzoli wasn't a quitter.

Until it came to Maura Isles.

"The Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"Profilers?" Korsak asked, almost disgusted. "For the FBI?"

"You're leaving us for the FBI? Jane we hate those guys." Frost truly looked hurt. He wasn't angry. Just confused.

"No, we love those guys, Frost." She sighed. "We're the good guys. They're the better good guys. We love them."

"They take all of our credit!" Korsak caught the attention of the other Detectives.

"Because they close our cases!" She rolled her eyes. "Look, I leave tomorrow morning. Do you want to spend tonight fighting or do you want to have one final drink at the Robber?"

"No." Korsak backed away. "Can't have drinks with a trader." He walked out of the room.

She only breathed. She looked to Frost. He looked confused. Sad. Unsure. But he nodded.

"I'll meet you there around eleven, alright?"

He nodded again.

She was gone.

* * *

"Why are you doing this?" Angela asked as they walked into the airport. "Why are you leaving everything behind?"

"I need to do this for me, Angela." Maura looked down at her cell phone. She still had no phone calls from her wife. Her soon to be ex wife.

Maura carried Bass in his carrier. Angela carried Jo Friday in her carrier.

"Will you come home for Christmas?" The older woman asked, almost desperately. "You have spent five Christmases with us. It's a tradition."

"I hope to spend Christmas with my family this year, Angela." She was trying to be rude. She was trying to hurt the older woman. Because she needed to not be cared about. Especially not by the mother of the woman she'd hurt.

"I thought we were..." Angela trailed off.

"No." Maura's head snapped up. "No, you are not my family."

"Okay."

"My family is in New York."

"If I am not your family, that is understandable, Maura." Angela wasn't going to be scared away easily. "But I know that Jane is your family."

This broke the younger woman. At this, she lost her courage to push Angela away. At this, she realized how truly alone she was going to be without Jane.

"I'm losing both of my girls."

"She'll come around." She hoped.

"She's moving to Virginia."

"Virginia?"

"Yeah," Angela sighed. "She was offered a job."

"Oh, Angela." Maura sort of second guessed her decision now but she couldn't turn back. She needed to do this. She needed it. "I'm sorry."

"Why, Maura?" She begged. "Why are you two doing this to me? To yourselves? To each other?"

"I need to go." The Doctor announced. "I need to go now."

"Maura..."

"No, Angela," Maura looked at her. "I need to go, please. Just let me go."

"Will I truly ever see you again?"

"Yes." She promised without a second thought. The response startled her. She sighed. "Yes, you will see me again."

"Okay." She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you as well, Angela."

* * *

Jane sat at the bar. Her finger wrapped loosely around a bottle of Jack Daniel's. She couldn't get as drunk as she wanted to but she was going to at least get buzzed.

"Doc is heading off now." Frankie looked at his phone. "Ma said she just got on the plane."

Jane was busying her hands by peeling the Jack Daniels label off. "Cool."

Her hands felt empty. Her fingers felt cold. There was something missing. She knew exactly what it was.

"I'm going to miss you, Partner." Frost frowned. "You sure about this?"

"So sure." She sighed as she put the bottle back down. She couldn't even drink out her misery. It didn't seem appealing.

"Do you want me to drive you to the airport tomorrow?" Frankie offered.

"No." She reached into her back pocket. "No, I think I'm going to call it an early night, guys."

"Janie," Frankie frowned. "Come on. God knows when we'll see you again."

"Christmas?" she offered.

"Really?"

"Yeah." This goodbye didn't seem so permanent now. Frankie suddenly pulled his sister into an embrace. A hug so tight she thought she would burst. Then Frost joined. "Okay, okay!" She almost begged. "I'll miss you too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "By the way," she looked at both men. "Will you just admit it that you're in love already?"

"W-what?" Frost's eyes were wide.

She could see a blush on Frankie's face. "I'm no Sherlock Holmes, but I can see love. True love." She frowned. "Just admit it. Please."

Both men looked at each other.

"We-we don't love each other." Frost tried.

"God," She rolled her eyes. "Whatever the hell you two have going...just deal with it. Don't...don't let it ruin you, okay? Don't try to ignore it. I promise you...it'll fucking ruin you. And whatever you do, don't get to Vegas together."

Both men nodded.

"I love you both." She promised. "Just the way you are."

They smiled.

"You can always call me, alright?"

"And Skype?" Frankie offered.

"And email? And Facebook?"

Jane rolled her eyes, now regretting opening that door. "Yes. And all of the above."

She hugged them each again. Then she was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

Six Months Later.

"Dr. Isles," A deep voice spoke as if it were right next to her. That may have been because it was echoing from a speaker next to Maura's ear on the wall.

"Yes, Captain?" She looked out of the window, past the glass and wings of the jet. The setting sun threw a shadow of brilliant colors on the clouds. From pink to purple. There was a hint of blue. A hint of gray.

"We'll be landing in thirty minutes." He reminded.

"Thank you, Captain." She smiled as she drew the blinds down for the small window. She locked her seat-belt again then closed her book.

As she ascended from the escalator, she noticed her name on a sign. A man in a black suit and a hat stood, waiting for her.

"Maura Isles?" He asked.

She nodded, pulling out her credentials for the New York Police Department. He studied them for a moment then nodded.

"Right this way, ma'am." He grabbed her suitcase from her hands, leaving her with just her purse.

She followed behind him, her head down. As soon as they left the building, Maura was hit with snow. Snow she'd expected. Snow that she'd just seen in New York. It was Christmas. Well, just a few days before Christmas, at least.

"Are we here for business or pleasure?" The man asked, attempting to make the car ride a little more comfortable and a little less awkward.

"Both." She watched the city of Boston fly by through the tented window.

"Where to first?" He asked. She'd been assigned a personal town car for her entire trip to Boston by her parents. They'd wanted her to feel comfortable. Of course, she was just going to use her car as soon as she got to her house.

"1124 MillardPlace, please." She said as she turned her gaze to him in the rearview mirror. "I won't be needing your services after." She smiled.

He gave her a confused look through the rearview. "I'm your driver for the rest of the weekend..."

"Well, now you have the entire weekend off." She turned her eyes back to the moving city. The sidewalks were covered with snow and cold children building snowmen. Parents shadowing them. Protecting them. Ready to catch them if they fell. She sighed.

She could tell they were on her street. Although she hadn't been there in exactly six months, she knew the street in her sleep. She'd dreamt of it many a nights.

"Here we are," Rowan, Maura later learned his name, smiled. "Thanks for giving me the weekend off."

"You're welcome." She opened her door. "Please be safe."

He nodded.

Her house was warm. There were Christmas decorations up. Inside and out. Four cars in the driveway. Two cruisers. Maura's Prius, she was sure Angela had been using it. Although the older woman rarely needed permission to do anything when it came to Maura. Then there had been Tommy's car. Which pathetically looked like a large television box on wheels.

"Tommy, will you turn that TV down?!" Angela yelled from the kitchen.

Maura's cheeks were touched with the feel of heat against her skin. The aroma of gingerbread cookies. Hot chocolate. The smell of home. Suddenly, she felt as if she were overdressed in her coat and knee high boots.

On the dining room table, Maura noticed a Chess set. Her eyes searched for a sign of_her_.

"Hello," She cleared her throat just before Tommy could complain to his mother that the television was barely above common level.

Four sets of eyes turned to her.

"Oh my God," Angela was the first to move. To speak. She was out of the kitchen, abandoning the cookies she was getting out of the oven. "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?" She wrapped her motherly arms around a woman who was desperate for love. "I could've had Frankie pick you up."

"I...I didn't want to be a bother." She soaked in the warmth. Not just of the home. But, Angela's warmth. Although they kept in touch through phone and email, nothing felt quite like this. She inhaled the scent of this woman. It felt more easing than her own mother's hugs. Maura loved her mother. She truly loved her mother. But, no one was a mother better than Angela Rizzoli.

"It's so good to see you, Doc." Korsak was the next to hug Maura, his mouth full of cookies he wasn't allowed to have just yet. Angela hadn't let that fact gone unnoticed.

Just as the old man released her, another pair of arms were snaking around her. "Real good to see ya, Doc." Frost hugged her tight.

Tommy stayed put. His face the only unfriendly face. She could understand that. She deserved it. The fact that anyone had missed her was surprising. Because she'd expected each and every one of them to hate her. To loathe her. But, they didn't. Even Tommy didn't. He was just angry. And she could understand that.

"You must be tired." Angela raked some of the fallen snow out of the honey-blonde's hair. She tucked it behind her ears. "How was your flight?"

"Lonely." Maura summed up in one word.

"What are you doing back?" Frost asked before taking a drink of his eggnog. Which most likely contained more alcohol than it did any other ingredient. "I mean...are you...?"

"Visiting." She finished for him. "I am still on leave for the Boston Police Department."

"Oh." He frowned. Clearly unhappy with her answer. He nodded then found something interesting across the room. She noticed a different step in him. He wore slacks and a button-up shirt. Something she'd seen in him often...but there was something so casual about it. Frost looked to be at ease. She smiled.

"Where's Frankie?" She asked, not to anyone in particular. But to anyone listening, really.

"He went out to pick up-" Korsak clapped his hand over his mouth.

Maura raised an eyebrow. "Jane?" She offered.

"Well...not exactly." Angela gave him a look. She took Maura's hand and pulled her to the kitchen. "She's here too...but only because she convinced her team to stop here in Boston after solving a very long case." She handed an apron to the woman. Instead of offering her to go take a shower. Instead of offering her to go take a nap. Much like Constance had when Maura had returned home after a flight. Angela knew what relaxed Maura.

"He went to go pick up her team from their hotel." She shrugged. "They're having dinner with us tonight."

"Oh?" She swallowed. Not only would she see Jane for the first time in months, she would be formally introduced as Jane's ex wife. What would Jane introduce her as? Her ex best friend? A family friend? Her past? The woman who broke her entire heart in every which way possible? Maura's throat was tight.

"Don't worry," Angela bumped her hip against the younger woman's. "We haven't met them either. They just got in last night."

"I see." It didn't make her at ease at all. But then again, did she deserve to feel comfortable? Even though it had been her home, it felt more of a Rizzoli residence rather an Isles residence. She shouldn't have been comfortable. She could admit, and with tremendous amount of counseling, that she was difficult with Jane. But it was far too late to fix what she'd done. She'd already broken Jane's heart. Besides, Jane was great. Jane had probably found someone else to make her happy.

And Maura was willing to accept that. She just wanted Jane back in her life. Because it was much more difficult to even breathe without Jane in her life at all.

Angela stood in the middle of the kitchen, her hands on her hips and her eyes scanning the surface tops of the counters. Her lips were moving quickly but no words could be heard.

"Something's missing," she sighed, letting her hands fall to her sides. "but I can't figure it out."

"Do you have a checklist?" Maura asked as she continued to chop onions. She knew the trick to keep the tears from her eyes but she lacked gum and she wasn't one to chew gum anyway. The feeling of chewing and chewing but unable to swallow just made her feel at odds. She wiped the tears away.

"It comes naturally to me," Angela took a step towards the island. "usually."

"Well, do you think is missing?" The honey-blonde prompted. "What was here last year?"

Angela laughed. "Well...things were different last year."

"How so?"

"Jane was here eating all of the food before it was finished."

Maura retreated. She turned, well attempted to, her attention back to the onions. She shifted her weight, in hopes it would offer her some distraction but it only sent waves of a signal to Angela that she was now uncomfortable.

"Oh, honey," Angela touched Maura's arm. "I didn't mean that to hurt you. I know you never intended for this to be this different."

"But it is completely _my_ fault." She sighed. Her fingers worked at a pace that should have scared Angela. "I'm so sorry, Angela."

"For what, sweetheart?" She was now pulling the younger woman into her arms. She steadied Maura, although those hazel eyes weren't very visible. Hair, bangs, cascaded over her hooded eyes. "I never blamed you. Both of you got married."

"She told me she loved me and...and I..." She sniffled. Her nose pink. Her eyes stung. "I couldn't...I can't _possibly _love her the way she deserves to be loved. She's so...and I'm so..." She sighed, heavily.

"I'm going to tell you something I always told Frankie," She held Maura's face and forced the woman to look at her. "When you find a good woman, a woman too good for you, by God never let her good. Because if she's too good for you, treat her like she's the best good you'll ever have." The Doctor on swallowed. "Of course, had I known my son was gay, I would have told him the same thing...just about men. Because it applies for both."

"Did...did you ever tell Jane that?"

Angela pulled back and grinned. "I told her the minute I knew she was in love with you.

* * *

**Author's Nose: Thoughts would be lovely. Thank you for reading. **


	17. Chapter 17

Jane stood outside of the Dirty Robber. A place she'd said goodbye to six months ago, hoping she'd never see it again. As much as she'd loved the place, it reminded her too much of Maura. Even now, she couldn't sit in there with the rest of her team. They all laughed and joked together and she stood in the cold hoping her brother could drive faster.

No concern for his safety. He just needed to be there as soon as possible.

"Hey, girl." Agent Derek Morgan almost startled her. He was handsome. Jane had to give him that. She wasn't completely repulsed by men. Just any creature remotely human pissed her off. A broken heart would do that to you. He was a tall, clearly multiracial man. He had a body that most women swooned over. He and Jane didn't get along at first. Mostly because he was sexist. Or appeared to be. And he didn't like change. He didn't like that his best friend, Emily Prentiss, had left and Jane had replaced her. Not that she wanted to.

"Hey," She looked back at him. She tried to hide her shivering. "What are you doing out here?"

"Garcia's tellin' them of the time I got too drunk in her apartment." He rolled his eyes. "My queen is good but some things are meant to be left a secret."

"When have you ever known Garcia to keep a secret?" She laughed. Her shaky breath was visible. It made her shiver even more.

"Why are you standing out here?" He cut straight to the point.

She hadn't missed the looks of confusion from her team when she decided to wait in the cold for her brother. "Just...never liked this place."

"Oh, really?" He gave her a look. A look that called her on her bullshit. "Because ol' Vinny in there says he's got some stories to tell about his favorite customer, Jane Rizzoli."

She cursed under her breath. Should've killed him when she had the chance.

"Including a fine ass ex wife you got." He waggled his eyebrows. "You never told us you were married, Rizzoli."

"It never came up."

"Uh, huh. Bullshit." He shook his head. "When we drilled you, something like that would've been something we could've been warned about."

"I was married."

"To the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts."

"Yes."

"Interesting." He looked off.

"If you say so." She looked at her phone but God she couldn't read a damn thing on it. Her fingers shook. She heard her brother's infamous three honks. She looked up and smiled. She had only seen her brother's face on Facetime, Skype, or Facebook.

"How much you cost?" Frankie asked from the driver's seat.

Jane ignored the urge to throw snow right at his face. "Too much for you, perv." She tapped on the glass windows of the Dirty Robber. Her team all looked at her. She signaled it was time to go. She watched them all say their goodbyes to Vinny. Good ol' Vinny.

Frankie was out of the car, although it was still running. He wore his uniform. He must have just gotten of duty, Jane assumed.

"Frankie," She gestured. "This is the BAU." She gestured to her team. "Jennifer Jareau, or JJ." She gestured to the petite blonde. "Penelope Garcia," she gestured to the Oracle of Quantico. "David Rossi," she gestured to the older Italian. A man that she had to warn to stay away from her mother. "Derek Morgan," she patted the dark man's shoulders. "Genius Boy Wonder, Spencer Reid." She tousled the awkward man's long hair. "And my Unit Chief, Aaron Hotchner. Hotch." She didn't touch him. They weren't there yet. She respected him. Looked up to him. But, they didn't have a special bond. Not like she had with the rest of the team. Especially Jennifer.

"Nice to meet you all." He shook each and every one of their hands. Instead of Garcia's. Because instead of a handshake, she gave him a hug and whispered something into his ear that made him laugh awkwardly.

"Well, let's get going." Jane said at the expense of her brother. Hotch waited until all of his agents were piled into the SUV before he decided to climb into the seat next to Frankie.

* * *

Maybe she had been listening too hard because in the background had been playing Dolly Parton singing about the wonders of Christmas and family. But, Maura heard the crunch of the snow. She'd been busy chopping away a vegetables. Her fingers moving at a pace that would have scared anyone else who wasn't a cook.

"They're here." Frost claimed from the window.

"Finally," Korsak grinned. He received a look from Maura. A look that told him that this was torturous for her. Not fun. Not something she was looking forward to.

She swallowed hard but continued chopping because she needed the distraction. She wasn't sure how Jane would react to seeing her. She wasn't even sure if Jane knew she was there. It was a surprise for all of them but possible someone at some point could have called her to give her a heads up.

Maura's back was to the door. All that was visible to the strangers was her jeans and tucked in blue blouse. She wore a lot of jeans lately. It reminded her of Jane. She loved to be reminded of Jane.

"Korsak, you fat fuck!" Jane called from the door. She was the last person in the house.

"Hey, Janie." The man's thick arms were around Jane in seconds.

"Every body," Jane cleared her throat as she gathered her family. Again, Maura had no clue what she should do with herself. Was she apart of the Rizzoli family still?

Before she could make the decision to stay, Angela was dragging her out of the kitchen. Maura untied her apron and left it on the island. She stood behind the older woman. Her head bowed.

"Ma, Frost, Korsak, and Tommy," she pointed to each person. "This is my team. The BAU."

"My, aren't you beautiful." Garcia swooned. Angela looked at the eccentric woman but she could tell that the woman was staring past her. She was talking to Maura. "Jane, who's this?" She tapped the brunette's arm.

Jane swung around and looked. Her face fell. Her mood altered. Her eyes locked with hazel.

"Oh." Was all she could come up with.

"Oh?" Garcia questioned as appraised the honey-blonde. She smirked, already knowing from the impeccably accurate description from the bartender at The Dirty Robber.

"This is...this is..." She tried to rack her brain for something. Anything. They were profilers, they'd figure it out eventually if she lied. And did she really want to lie? "This is my old friend, Maura Isles." She supplied. Her eyes never left Maura's.

"So, you're the infamous best friend we heard all about." _From Vinny. _She excluded that part. Garcia grinned.

The Doctor was at a loss for words. She shook her head, wiped her hands on her jeans then shook the technical analyst's hand. "It's very nice to meet you." She forced a smile, her eyes staring into blue to keep her attention within the conversation. She tried to ignore the not-so-subtle argument going on between a very angry Jane Rizzoli and her mother.

"How long have you two known each other?" Garcia asked, never one for caring for the privacy of others. She surely hadn't when it came to Jennifer and Emily. _And boy, what a mess that had been._

"Five years." Maura swallowed. She didn't deserve for this to be easy. "I should check on the dinner." She gestured to the kitchen.

"Okay." The Oracle raised an eyebrow. "Well...let me or Jennifer," she touched the petite blonde's shoulder. "know if you need anything. Because I know for a fact that none of the men will help you."

"Okay." Maura nodded, even smiled for the sake of Penelope.

* * *

"Baby girl," Derek wrapped his arms around his best friend. He was tired. And suffering a headache after taking a ten by four to the head just a week ago. His chin rested on her shoulder and he sighed. "Frankie here says that Frost is way better than you at technical analyst things."

"Oh, is he?" She asked, unconvinced. She took a sip of her eggnog in her wineglass.

"He is." Frankie reassured with a smirk.

Penelope only rolled her eyes. "Let's test this theory," She was already taking her laptops out of her bag.

Rossi laughed at the scared look on the dark man's face. "They also claim that Rizzoli's best friend is smarter than Reid. These people are nutcases."

"Well, aren't they a funny gang." Penelope commented as she typed in her password. She was already into the wifi network before Frost even finished the password to log in. "Let's see what hidden in your juvenile records."

"Oh, no no!" Frost slammed her laptop shut. Glad she'd pulled her fingers back just in time. "You win. You're better." He solved. "You win." He grinned, desperately.

"Not good enough." She glared. She opened her laptop again. Instead of searching him, because when people reacted that way, that meant they had something to hide and she surely didn't want to be the one to open that can of worms. "Maura Isles." She typed in.

At this, their little circle leaned in a little more interested.

"She's loaded." Garcia said as if it didn't mean much. "This place belongs to her." They all looked around. It made sense. Even though no one had really talked to her yet, she'd made it clear that her goal was just to finish cooking the dinner. "She's a doctor."

"Tell us the good stuff!"

"She was married for three weeks." She decided to avoid the other party in that marriage.

"How romantic." Rossi rolled his eyes. "You youth these days."

"You realize they're grown ass women, right?" Derek looked to the other man with a raised eyebrow.

"You've been through about four marriages, settle down." Jennifer joined in. She sat down beside Reid. Who only stayed silent with a book in his hands.

"Well, he's got one on Korsak." Frost laughed.

Rossi and Korsak exchanged looks.

"Let's see..." Garcia scrolled. "Oh." She pulled back from the laptop then closed it quickly. Almost as suddenly as Frost had before.

"What?" All of them asked, variously. Their interest more than sparked, now lit on fire.

"Oh, nothing." She put the laptop back into her bag and smiled. "More wine?" She offered. She only received a few answers. She walked around the couch and grabbed Jane's arm.

"What the f-" The brunette was cut off by the slam of the guestroom, now her mother's room, door. "What's going on?"

"How many women keep tabs on their ex wives?"

"What?" Jane rubbed her arm. Penelope had grabbed it pretty hard.

"Dr. Isles," The redhead gestured to the door. As if somehow the honey-blonde had been on the other side. "You two were married, right?" That part wasn't really a secret and Jane knew better than to assume it was.

"Don't waste your breath on that, Pen." Jane rolled her eyes. She started for the door but the redhead intercepted her path.

"_How many women keep tabs on their ex's?_" She asked again, emphasizing each word. "Kevin and I dated for about five years, and I don't even know what his new email is."

"I never thought that type of information would be hard for you to obtain." Jane smirked.

"That's not the point," Penelope glared. Challenging Jane to ignore the subject. "I don't _want _to know what he's up to. I don't want to know anything about him."

"So?"

"You still keep tabs on Maura."

Jane sat down. Her heart was like a drum in her chest. She could barely hear anything over it. "How...how do you know that?"

"Agent Kirby?"

"He..."

"Never said anything." Penelope finished for her. "I wondered why you two had your secret meetings in the copy room. I always thought it was a case you wanted to do on your own. I noticed that he works with Dr. Isles every time she's on consult with Quantico."

She sat down next to the brunette.

"I never listened to your conversations with him." She assured. "I wanted to but you were new and I didn't want to give you a bad reputation just yet. I wanted to trust you."

"It's not...it's not supposed to seem creepy." Jane frowned. Her eyes trained on the beer in her hands. "He's just supposed to give me an update. How she's doing. If she looks like she's eating. I wanted to come to you...to see if you'd help me but Morgan just started to trust me and I knew that if I made you keep secrets from him...it'd only blow up in my face."

"It would." The redhead agreed. She squeezed the Agent's knee. "So...how is she doing?"

Jane rubbed her eyes. "Kirby says she's kind of cold towards everyone."

"You don't seem at all alarmed by that."

"That's just the way she comes off." She smiled. "I bet she was trying to make jokes with him but he just didn't get it." She sighed at the memory of her ex wife. "But then again, maybe she went back to her old ways before I knew her. Maybe she just doesn't care about anyone else. If she ever cared about me..."

"That's...that can't be true, Jane." The redhead frowned. "I've seen the looks you two have given each other tonight. She looks at you when you're not looking. And in her eyes, I can see nothing but guilt. When you look at her, it's a look of forgiveness and she doesn't even know that."

"I couldn't help but forgive her." She wasn't sure if the forgiveness was for her sake or Maura's. "Anyways, don't worry about me keeping up with her. I need to know she's okay. No one really makes an effort to care about her because they're so intimidated. And sometimes she forgets to care about herself." She could recall all of the times Maura so easily forgot to eat. Although the Doctor constantly reminded Jane how healthily she should eat.

"You should talk to her." Penelope encouraged. "Let her know you don't hate her."

"I think I'll let her suffer a little more." Jane smiled. She stood, downed the rest of her beer, then opened the door for her colleague.

On her way out, Penelope shook her head in disappointment.

* * *

**Author's Nose: I'm so sorry, I haven't lost interest. I've had this typed up for a while but I absolutely had no idea how to make it better. I'm not happy with this chapter at all. I wanted their meeting to be so much more dramatic or fluffy or ****_something._**

**So I apologize for the wait. Thank you all so much for keeping interest and not giving up on me even when I was going through my bitchy phase. **


	18. Chapter 18

The food was done cooking and now Maura had nothing to do with her hands. Her mind was busy and it had been for six very long months. But she always liked to keep her hands busy if it could offer any distraction.

Angela stood next to her with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her lips. She stared at Maura.

The Doctor looked around, confused. Had she missed something?

"You two really aren't going to talk to each other?" The older woman finally said. "I mean...at first I figured it was just because it was the first time you saw each other-"

"It's not." The younger woman interrupted. She swallowed. Her voice was low. "It's not the first time I've seen her."

"Oh?"

"No." She shook her head and her honey-blonde locks shook. "Three months ago, I saw her in the elevator."

Now Angela was a little confused but she didn't let it show.

"She and Agent Jareau were in a private discussion." She tried to keep her eyes on the food in front of her. "Jane held the elevator doors open as she and Agent Jareau spoke. I didn't want to interrupt."

* * *

_She'd been on assignment with Quantico for a week, and frankly she'd been exhausted by now. The case had closed three hours ago and she was just finishing off some of the speculations for court, just in case she was called in again. Agent Kirby had already gone home for the night. He seemed almost relieved to be excused of his duties for the night._

_Maura rubbed her tired eyes against her better judgment. Her coat was hanging from her right arm and her keys were in her left hand. She was debating on driving back to New York or just taking a plane._

_"-tell me." The honey-blonde heard just around the corner. She stopped abruptly. "Do you honestly think anyone is going to care?" There was a female voice. It was low, although the floor was seemingly empty. She peeked around the corner, noticing a blonde in slacks with her arms around files._

_"I'm just not ready to tell everyone 'hey guess what I'm gay' just yet." Jane stood with hands on the elevator doors. The blonde must have stopped her from leaving._

_"No one cares, Jane."_

_"I do."_

_"When Emily came out...they were so welcoming." The blonde's voice was sad._

_"That's the difference between Emily and I," Jane sighed. "You guys hid your relationship and when she came out, you went off and married Will."_

_"I married Will because he risked his life for me."_

_"Oh, please, Jennifer. You married Will because you got scared. You almost lost him and Emily and the universe almost gave you a choice to choose who to love. You chose the one who would be socially accepted."_

_There was a silence. Maura waited. Jane waited. Jennifer thought. "But that's not what's going to happen with you, Jane. Emily left because there was nothing left for her here. She knew it."_

_"And I left Boston because there was nothing left for me there." Maura tried to ignore the pain in her chest. "I didn't move all the way here just to be humiliated and have to leave again."_

_"Then why did you tell me, Jane?"_

_"I didn't!" Her outburst made the honey-blonde jump. "At least not on purpose. I was drunk. What happened there was a mistake and we both know it, Jennifer. I've come to terms with it."_

_Maura quickly turned around to go find another elevator._

* * *

"Sounds to me like you were a little jealous." The older woman smirked. If it had been anyone else, Maura might have just shut down right then and there and stopped talking. But, it was Angela. Jane's mother. And in some circumstances..._her _mother. "What about when she goes to New York? I can only imagine her team goes there a lot."

"They have been to New York eight times in the last six months."

"Do you just ignore her?"

"I give the case to another Medical Examiner." She shrugged, as if she were just delegating. But, Angela knew the truth. Maura knew the truth. Maybe even Jane knew the truth.

The older woman thought it over for a moment, trying to come up with some sort of advice. But she really didn't have any. Not for their circumstance. If Jane and Maura ever came back from this, it would be a miracle. And no one would be able to tell her or hopefully them that they weren't meant to be together. People don't come back from mistakes like these. That she knew.

"I'm going to change." Maura announced after a prolonged silence from Angela. "Jeans can be comfortable but always inappropriate during a dinner party."

Angela squeezed her shoulder and nodded.

Maura was stock-still in front of her vanity. Ordinarily, her fingers applied her make-up with their own volition. But right now she was frozen in front of the mirror. She stared at herself. Her teal lace bra was a contrast against her cream skin.

A shrill from her bedroom interrupted her appraisal. She carefully placed the eyeliner back where it belonged. Her fingers wrapped around her cell phone and it was at her ear before she even thought to check the caller ID.

"Dr. Isles." She answered.

"Hey, Dr. Isles..." A nervous man said from the other line. "It's Det. Brinkley."

"Yes, hello." She stepped into her dress and shimmied it up her thighs. "What can I do for you, Detective?"

"My buddy at BPD said you didn't check in with him."

She'd been waiting for this call. "I'm sorry, Detective. I was distracted."

"And the driver I got you said you gave him the weekend off..." There was a hint of vexation in his voice, but his relief flooded it. "You can't just do that! You can't just call shots like that, Dr. Isles. We extended you some privacy by allowing you to go to Boston...so long as you were detailed by an officer at all times."

She knew that she would be around Frankie at the very least. She had no idea that she would have an entire team of FBI agents in her home. "Detective, I suggest you lower your voice." She suggested. "I am around Officer Rizzoli, Sgt. Korsak, and Det. Frost. Those three would never let a thing happen to me." How she would protect herself when they went home was a completely different story.

"I need their ID's."

"Certainly," She agreed. "You should know that I know these men. I trust these men. The men you had aligned for me were complete strangers and as far as we know, they could have been working with The Decider."

"They came back clean, Ms. Isles." He sighed. "ID's, please?"

"Victor's eight-nine-three, two-nine-one, four-eight-six." She said, remembering their badge numbers by heart.

"Are they with you right now?" his question was almost a dare for her to lie.

"Yes."

"I'm sending a patrol car to your place, just in case."

"That is-"

"No." Brinkley interrupted her. "No, Dr. Isles, it's not unnecessary. Do you know who will have my head if something happens to you? My Chief. Not only my Chief but the entire New York Police Department. And your parents. So, please, I beg of you let me protect you as best as I can."

"Okay." She frowned. "Send a patrol."

Everyone had gathered for dinner. Frankie, Barry, Derek sat next to each other. Next to Derek had been Jane. Next to her was Jennifer. Next to her was Tommy. On the end of the table had been Agent Hotchner. On the left side of the table was David, Maura, Vince, Penelope, and Spencer. On the other end of the table had been Angela.

The older woman stood and clinked a spoon gently against her wine glass. "I would like to propose a toast." She announced with a smile. "To my daughter Jane."

The brunette groaned from her seat.

"Had I known you were leaving your family for such a great team of people, I would not have worried so much." She looked around the table at all the new faces. Jane's new family. "You trust your life with these people, so do I. Today, they have showed me that they care a great deal about you and wouldn't dare let a hair on your head be misplaced. So, to Jane...and her new team, the BAU."

"To the BAU." The others agreed.

Frost cleared his throat as he stood, just after Angela sat down again. "I would like to propose a toast as well." He smiled. "I would probably break my wineglass if I tried doing what Mrs. Rizzoli did, and since she values those glasses so much..." he looked at Maura. "This beautiful woman has been through a lot. Most of us know already that she didn't come from such a great family...and I wouldn't even consider those people a family. But she forgave them. She picked up her life in New York and reconnected with her parents because that's what life is about. Being close to the people who love you most. And that's what Christmas is about, right? Being close to the people who love you most. It's not about the gifts, or how many people show up to your Christmas party, it's about...family."

"And if there's one thing Maura has taught me is that money doesn't account for the person you are. No one is capable of figuring you out just by looking at you. Because eight years ago, I looked at Maura at a crime scene and she was...how do I say this? Well she came off as uppity. But she wasn't. She was a very caring woman. She still is. She thinks of others far more than she ever thinks of herself. There were times that I deserved the nick name Barf Bag Kid, but Maura always took care of me when I got sick. Everyone else was annoyed by it but she seemed to be just as concerned as she'd been the first time I got sick at a crime scene. She's an amazing woman. She's funny. She's beautiful. She's smart...but if you've spent any time at all with her, you'll already know that. Why anyone would ever let this woman go is beyond me. I mean, she's not perfect. But then again, which one of us is? No one's perfect. She makes mistakes and that's one of the things I love about her. Is that she's human. Maura, I'm so glad that you came back this year. Because honestly, Christmas is about being with your family. All of your family. And it wouldn't have felt right without you. So...to this impeccable woman. To Maura."

"To Maura." Everyone else agreed in unison as they clashed their glasses.

The rest of the dinner had gone without much incident. There had been a plenitude of conversations going on. Maura and Penelope spoke. Maura and David spoke. Jane and Derek spoke. Jane and Jennifer spoke. Every spoke to everyone at some point. Even when they'd all joined for desert in the living room as they listened to the Holiday musical stylings of Louis Armstrong.

"How long have you been a consult for Quantico?" Hotch asked Maura as they both stood between the kitchen and living room.

"Ten years." She supplied.

"How long have you been in New York?" He asked. He hadn't gotten all the details about Maura from Benny at the Dirty Robber. But, this woman had been an important person in Jane's life. How they could just suddenly cut off all contact was a mystery. He knew they'd been married. Everyone knew. But no one knew why they'd gotten a divorce.

"Six months." Maura could admit she'd been distracted. Her entire life was a distraction from everything. If it wasn't one thing it was another. Jane and Jennifer had been talking again. This time, they'd been in the living on the couch and their conversation seemed personal. Maura hated their close proximity. It was a proximity she'd once shared with Jane.

The sound of the door bell reverberated throughout the house.

"I'll get it." The honey-blonde claimed, quickly. She already knew who it was and she wanted to explain the rules to him as quickly as possible before he ruined everything. She opened the door to a young officer who seemed to be expecting an invitation inside. She closed the door behind herself, regretting not grabbing her coat.

"You can't come in." She stated plainly, wrapping her arms around herself. The two were close, he was still expecting to go in and she was refusing to let that happen. Their proximity made her shiver.

"Why not?" He frowned. Taking it rather personally.

"Because there are three cops and six federal agents in there." She supplied, simply. "Your job would be to circle the block for the rest of the evening to make sure that there's no danger lurking."

Her logic made sense. There was a lot of people to protect her already there. He nodded.

Before the young man could go back to his cruiser, the front door swung open almost violently. Jane looked at the officer and Maura. He was young but...if gender wasn't a problem for the honey-blonde, age sure the hell wasn't. It looked as if she'd just interrupted a lover's quarrel.

"Sorry, I just needed to..." She pointed to Frankie's car that held her luggage. "I'll just..." She tried to squeeze around them.

"No problem, I was just leaving anyway." The officer shrugged. "I'll be here if you need me, Dr. Isles."

"Thank you." She smiled. She turned her attention to the retreating form of Jane. They still hadn't said a word to each other.

"I know you like exciting but he's as old as a fetus, Maur." Jane said from the car. "I mean...aren't you cuttin' it a little close there? You did better with the yoga instructor. He was weird but it wasn't almost illegal to date him."

Maura glared. But it didn't stick. This was the Jane she knew. This Jane made fun of the men she dated.

"I don't know," she played along. "he may be young but he's spectacular in bed."

At this, the Agent rolled her eyes. She closed the back door of her brother's SUV. In her hands had been a few wrapped presents. "That's what we're going for now? Just how great they are in bed?"

"Isn't that all that matters?" She shifted her weight when Jane stopped just inches away from her. Her arms were still wrapped around her, but yet she felt so vulnerable.

"Same ol' Maura, I see." The brunette took a step closer. "Just interested in sex."

"No complications." She shrugged.

"I remember a time you told me I was the best you'd ever had." Jane smirked. "It must suck to have to stick with less when you've had the best."

"Ah, well you certainly have changed." She ignored the shiver that raced through her body. Hoping Jane would pawn it off as her just being cold. "There once was a Jane who was rather modest instead of overconfident."

"There's no such thing as being overconfident. Either you're confident or you aren't."

Maura sighed, letting her hands fall to her sides. "I'm not sleeping with him." She gestured to the cruiser making it's way back down her street in the snow.

If her hands had been free, she would have raised them in surrender. Instead she only shrugged. "I don't care who you sleep with."

"Really?" Maura challenged.

"As long as you're happy."

"How do you expect me to believe that when just a month ago you were twisting Detective Bryant's arm behind his back just for leaving a thank you letter on my desk in New York?"

"How do you know that was about you?" Jane glared.

"'If you ever flirt with her again, I'll have your balls in my hands.'" Maura repeated, getting as close to Jane's tone as she could. "He refuses to even assist me on a case now, Jane."

"He just wanted to fuck you anyway."

"Why would that matter to you?"

The question didn't stun her, it just...irritated her. Why did she care? Obviously this woman didn't care still care about her. Giving away every case Jane worked on in New York. Refusing to visit her in Quantico. Making it as easy as possible to stay out of each other's lives. Why did Jane care?

"You're right." She agreed. "It shouldn't matter to me." She walked around the honey-blonde.

"Jane, wait." Maura grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry." She frowned. "This...all of this has been my fault. From the moment you opened your heart to me I have been letting you down. And I continue to let you down even when we're not in the same city. This is what I wanted to spare you from. I didn't want to disappoint you when you expected more from me."

"When I fell in love with you," she didn't turn around. Her voice was shaky. "I fell in love with all of you. I didn't just fall in love with parts of you, Maura. I didn't expect you to be greater than you already were. The only time you've ever disappointment me was when you let your fear get in the way of your happiness. For months, I believed you didn't love anyone but yourself. Not because you were incapable of it. But because you were selfish. I know now that you loved me. You were just too blind to see that I was willing to risk everything to make you happy. I'm only disappointed you think so little of me you'd believe I could ever not love all of you."

Maura dropped her hand as she watched Jane close the door behind herself. She shivered. Unsure if it was from the cold, the loss of contact with Jane, or simply just because she was alone. She wrapped her arms back around her body before turning out towards the street.

* * *

**Author's Nose: Thank you so much for reading. Reviews pleaseee? Where do you see the story going next? Do you think Jane will forgive Maura? Do you think Maura will forgive herself? Why do you think Maura has to have an officer with her at all times? Is something to happen to Maura for Jane to realize how she still feels?**


	19. Chapter 19

Frost watched as Jane carried in the presents. He'd noticed it'd taken her a lot longer than it should have to go to the car and return. He looked around the room to see Maura had somehow slipped in unnoticed. She was absent.

"Hey," he grabbed some of the presents, although she showed no signs of struggling with carrying them. "let me help you with those."

She gave him a look of thanks.

"Where's the Doc?"

She frowned. "Outside." She stacked the boxes on the table. Biggest to smallest. "I think she's just getting some fresh air."

"Something I need." He laughed a little. "It's nice being in here but Morgan can talk his ass off. Frankie's not too happy about it."

"So you guys," she pointed to him and her brother who was across the room in conversation with Jennifer and David. "you guys are officially a _thing?_"

"Define what you mean by _thing_."

"Dating? Going to parties together? Out to work and all?"

His hands were in his pockets and he looked back to his boyfriend. "I wouldn't say we're completely out...but we're dating."

"How?" she wondered aloud. "I mean...how did it happen?"

"_You _made it happen." He gestured. "I mean I was confused at first. I've always been confused about Frankie. I like girls. They're great but...there's just something about Frankie that makes more sense than anything has ever made and that confused me."

"So are you like bisexual or something?" the thought just felt odd to her. A grown man coming out as bisexual. But, she had to remind herself that it was the twelve year old girls who made the term sound wrong. Or the girls who used it as an excuse to have sex with multiple people. She had to remind herself that there were actually bisexual people out there. Jennifer being a prime example of that.

"Doc explained it to me." He pulled a pen off his tie and grabbed for a napkin. He began drawing a line and numbering points on the line. "This is called the Kinsey scale."

She looked at it, rather interested.

"If you're a zero then you're exclusively heterosexual." He used the tip of the pen to point to the zero. "If you're six, you're exclusively homosexual. And X is non-sexual."

"So, what are you?" she asked, wondering what her brother was as well.

"Frankie's my first. Except for a sleepover I had when I was thirteen. I'd definitely say some gay things happened that night." He laughed. "Anyways, Doc told me that love changes everything. I could like a girl. I could have gone my entire life under the impression I was in love with a girl. Quite frankly, I don't see myself with any other man than Frankie. So...I'd say I'm a two or three. Frankie being my exception."

"What about him?" she looked at her brother. "What do you think he is?"

"He's definitely a three. Equally both."

She shivered at the thought. "Okay." She looked at the scale again. "What about me? What am I?"

"How many women have you been with?"

"Sexually?" She whispered as if it'd been too taboo to talk about in a group of adults.

"No, playing scrabble with." He rolled his eyes. "Yes, sexually."

She had to think for a moment. "Maura, of course." But, there were more. Far more since Maura and she was suddenly embarrassed to say how many. "We travel a lot." She admitted. "And...well traveling is a good excuse for one night stands because you don't have to see them again...except in my case I seem to pick women at precincts and when we're invited back on a case, I have to deal with it but yeah..."

"How many, Jane?" He wasn't there to judge.

"Ten since Maura."

"How many men?"

"Zero since Maura."

He thought for a moment. "How many before her?"

"Women or men?"

"Both."

She looked around the room to see if Maura had returned. It appeared she hadn't yet. Which was actually starting to worry her. "Three men before Maura. One woman in high school."

"And which do you prefer? Honestly?"

She wanted to say Maura. Because no one had been able to touch her like Maura had. "Women." It was close to the truth. So much closer to the truth than she'd wanted.

"Maybe you're like a four or five. But remember that when it comes to love, your sexuality really doesn't matter."

"Hey," Frankie wrapped his arm around Frost's shoulders. "what are you two talking about over here? You're missing out on the action."

"Just explaining Jane's sexuality to her." Frost answered, honestly.

"Jane's as gay as Richard Simmons show-dancing to Elton John."

The dark man tried to hide his laughter because he noticed the scowl on his old partner's face.

"Where's the Doc?" Frankie looked around.

"Outside." Jane answered, again.

"You let her stay out there by herself?" His arm fell to his side. "Jane it's freezing out there. There's eighteen feet of snow!"

"She'll come in when she's ready." She shrugged. "It's not exactly my responsibility to make sure she's safe."

"You could at least pretend to still care." He frowned at his sister.

* * *

Maura shivered again as she watched the squad cruiser pass once more. It'd been the third time he passed. He waved from the car and she only sent a weak smile in his direction. It was truly freezing and the streetlights barely provided enough light for her to see down the street.

"Hey," Frankie was behind her. His coat draping over her shoulders. "I figured you were freezing." He rubbed his hands together.

"It is rather cold this year." She agreed then sniffled. Her nose could pass for Rudolph's.

"Yeah," he wrapped an arm around her. "so why are you out here giving yourself the flu?"

She ignored the impossibility of his statement because she was sure he didn't believe that. "I just needed to think." He only nodded in understanding. "I thought they were dating."

"Hmm?" He rubbed her shoulders.

"Agent Jareau and Jane." She dropped her head. "Every time I saw them, they were always so close. As if no one else in the world mattered to them. One night in Quantico, they were discussing Jennifer's relationship with an old member of the team. I can't decide if Jane had been afraid to come out to her team as Jennifer's new girlfriend or..." She trailed off. "I have researched Agent Prentiss. She resembles Jane a great bit."

He sighed. A cloud of his breath visible between them.

"I'm glad she has moved on." Maura finally said. "I'm glad she's happy." Her voice was sad but the words were sincere.

"Maura..." He frowned. "She still loves you. I mean, I can't say if she's still in love with you but I know she still cares about you. No one stops caring about someone just like that? I mean...if she ever really loved you, it wouldn't be so easy for her to just forget about you."

"She has every right to forget about me, Frankie." She sniffled again. He checked to see if she was crying. She wasn't. Yet. "I have made it extremely hard for her to love me." She sighed.

He didn't say anything. He just rubbed her shoulders, unsure if he was trying to keep her warm or himself.

"Anyways, I've reserved a room at a hotel." She bit her bottom lip. "I planned to stay here but since her team is here, I can only imagine how expensive it is for hotel rooms. I have enough rooms here."

"That's not your-"

"It's the least I could." She turned to him. "I have put her through so much. I want her to be as comfortable as possible."

"Don't you think you'd be safer here?" He gave her a knowing look. "Yeah, I know all about it, Maura. I still check up on you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my family." He shrugged. "And moving away doesn't change anything about that. Unfortunately, you're stuck with us."

"I'll be fine."

"Someone's out to kill you, Maura."

"It's nothing new." She laughed sadly. "Fortunately, I'm very quite used to it."

"At least let me drive you." He begged.

"Fine."

"Will you come inside?"

"Wait, turn that up." Frost told Tommy who had been watching the highlights of a basketball game.

"It's reported that there will be an extra four inches of snow tonight. MassDot has ruled this weather unsafe driving conditions." The news anchor supplied. "It's strongly encouraged that residents stay in their homes. If you're out, stay where you are. There are several shelters available for the night throughout Boston. Please get to one as soon as possible. Drive safe if you must."

Everyone looked to Hotch.

"I...think we have to stay." Penelope said.

"You're all welcome to stay." Angela announced. "There's plenty of room. Maura has a large home."

"What do you guys think?" Hotch looked at his team. They all looked to him for answers usually. He would have said yes immediately because it was his job to keep his team safe but how comfortable could they be?

He received a nod from every member of his team except Jane. She looked torn, instead.

"Then we're staying." He smiled.

Frankie looked to Maura. "Looks like we have to stay, too." He smirked. "You know...because it's not safe to drive and all."

The Doctor rolled her eyes. "Don't be smug." She pinched his cheeks.

"I'll show you all the rooms." Maura heard Angela announce.

"The power's out." Tommy sighed as he closed Maura's bedroom door behind himself. She was glad she'd still been wrapped in her towel.

"Thankfully I don't have electrical heating."

"Thankfully." He agreed with a laugh. "I was wondering..." He watched as Maura lotioned her arms. "All of the other rooms seemed to be booked. Korsak is rooming with Ma." He shuddered at the thought. "But I'd rather him than that Rossi fella."

Maura smiled.

"Would you mind if I stayed in here with you?"

She thought for a moment. Everything about that question seemed wrong. She wasn't comfortable with the thought of him next to her in bed. She wondered how Jane would react. But, she had to remind herself that Jane wouldn't have reacted. She sighed.

"Sure, Tommy." She wanted to be selfless and this was selfless. Helping someone else out even though it made her extremely uncomfortable. "I just need to..." She gestured to the towel covering her.

"Oh, right." He nodded. "I'll be back in an hour then."

An hour later, Maura was opening the front door. On the side of the street had been Officer Kent in his cruiser. She waved for him to in. He wore a look of relief as he jogged through the snow and to her house.

"I thought you were going to make me stay out there all night."

"I'm not that cruel." She closed the door behind him. Everyone had been lighting candles around the house. Maura was glad that Angela had been an avid collector.

"Sorry man, we have a full house." Morgan said to the officer as he took off his coat.

"Actually," Maura's voice caught everyone's attention. She hadn't talked much all night. If she did, it wasn't for very long. "he's here for me."

Jane rolled her eyes.

"It appears NYPD is under the impression that I need protection." She looked at the tall young officer next to her. "He's here to protect me."

"Why?" Angela was the first to ask.

"It doesn't matter." Maura answered before Officer Kent could. "What does matter is that you all treat him like he belongs." That was meant for Jane, just in case the brunette got any ideas.

Everyone but Jane agreed with a nod. The brunette only watched as Maura guided the officer to the living room.

"This is where you'll have to sleep." She gestured to the couch. "My bedroom is right there." She pointed to her door. "Tommy," she pointed to the youngest and distracted Rizzoli. "will be in there with me." She received a suggestive look from Officer Kent. "Not like that." She chastised

"Okay." He smiled. "Thanks for letting me in."

"Of course." Maura looked around. Jane and Jennifer were talking, of course. Tommy and David were talking. Penelope and Derek were engaged in a discussion with Frankie and Barry. Vince and Angela were eating leftover pie. Hotch and Spencer were reading.

No one needed her. Not in that moment. She sighed.

"Blankets and pillows are available upstairs." She told the young man. "I'll be in my bedroom."

* * *

She hadn't been asleep. It was hard to sleep when she knew somewhere in her house Jane and Jennifer were lying next to each other. She rolled over at the thought. It was all she could think about. Not the man out for her life. Not the full house of officers she had to protect her. Not the amount of snow she would have to clean off her car to into BPD tomorrow. No, she was worried about if Jane and Jennifer were more than five inches apart. That was what she was hoping for.

She'd felt Tommy slip into the room and into the bed with her but she hadn't said anything. He must have assumed she was asleep. She could feel he was missing pants. She rolled her eyes. She sincerely hoped he didn't have any ideas about tonight.

Maybe her mistake had been slipping into a nightgown. It probably suggested those said ideas. Maybe. She rolled over again, staring at the angry red numbers on her alarm clock. Her first night back in her own bed and she wasn't even comfortable. She was sharing it with the entirely wrong person.

She wasn't going to sleep. Not very well.

Maura slid out of the bed and slipped her feet into her house slippers. The entire house was quiet. She could see the rise and fall of Officer Kent's form. His gun was on the coffee table.

She decided if she wasn't going to sleep, she could at least get work done. In her bag had been a load of case files she had look through. Apparently Dr. Pike, the interim Chief Medical Examiner, sucked at his job and ruined evidence. She sat at the dining room table with coffee and her work laid out in front of her.

"How's Jo?" She hadn't even heard her walk up.

Her head snapped up. A tired Jane stood. She wore pajama pants and a BPD shirt. Her hair was pulled into a low ponytail and there were bags under her eyes. She hadn't gotten any sleep as well.

"She's fine." Maura finally said. "She misses you." But she wasn't the only one.

"I miss her too." Jane sat down at the seat adjacent to Maura's. "Do you think that maybe on a week I have off, I could get her? Maybe the next time I'm in New York?"

"That would be wonderful, Jane."

The brunette smiled. "How's Bass?"

"Cranky." The honey-blonde summed rather quickly.

Jane chuckled softly. "Well he's fifty now, isn't he?"

Maura glared. "That would suggest that I'm in my seventies, Jane."

"He's younger than you?" Jane seemed actually surprised by this. Maybe she was being sarcastic. Maura couldn't tell.

"Yes." She nodded.

"Anyways," the brunette took a sip of her ex wife's coffee. "what are you doing up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep." The honey-blonde shrugged. Hoping to leave it at that.

"Wanna tell me why?"

"Not entirely." She watched as Jane sipped her coffee.

"Why not?"

For that, she didn't have an honest answer. Maybe she didn't want Jane to worry. Maybe she didn't want to worry herself. Maybe she just didn't think Jane deserved to know. Maybe she wasn't Jane's problem anymore. There were so many reasons but none truly stuck to conclusion.

"I have a lot of work to do." She settled for some sort of truth.

"Is this work for New York or Quantico?" Jane opened one of the files.

"Boston."

"Oh." She frowned. She missed Boston. She hated the traveling. She hated not feeling truly welcome in her team. She hated hiding from her team. She hated being away from her friends and family. And truly, she missed Maura.

"I should..." Maura took back the file. "get back to work."

"I could help." The offer came out of nowhere. "I mean...I'm not really going to get any sleep so I might as well be productive, right? I can help you..."

Maura looked at her. Half expecting the brunette to take her offer back but when seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to silence, she smiled. "That would be great, Jane."

Jane's grin was conspicuously visible in the candlelight.

* * *

**Author's Nose: So they're talking and not arguing...that's a start right? Some people have asked where I got Frostie (Frankie and Frost) from and I've actually always shipped them. I know they're pretty much everyone's BROTP but well I like them as more and I know it's random and most people don't see it. And I completely understand that since I kind of wrote it in suddenly. **

**So what do you think is going to happen next? How long do you think it'll take until Jane is demanding to know why Maura has Officer Kent detailing her every second of the day? Do you think Maura will try talking to Jennifer in the morning? Maybe a short "I'm glad you're making her happy" speech? Is Jane dating Jennifer? Or was that talk in the elevator about something else. I don't know guys...I just don't know.**

**Haha kidding, I do know. I know it all and it's up to you to choose where it goes...with reviews :)**

**be safe, watch Holiday movies, and check out my livejournal for more updates just go to livejournal /leasbiann **


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Nose: So I had to get a new laptop because my other one decided that it was going to just die on me. I literally lost ALL of my stories along with the outlines for each chapter. So I'm just kind of winging it from memory now. I had to retype this chapter and it's similar to what I had before if not better. You guys actually might be able to guide me in the right direction from her. As for my other stories, they've been put on the back burner for a while until I can figure out what to do with all of this. I won't finish Know You Now until I finish this story. Do you guys remember when this was supposed to be a "short" story? HA. I know. Kind of funny. Um...yeah. So. That's what has been the wait. ahhh you can find me on tumblr along with updates on stories or whatever as obamismyking. Please message me there if you have any questions or suggestions. I love private messages here but sometimes they take a bit longer to reply to because I don't check this every day and I wouldn't want you guys to think I'm neglecting you. But if you're going to ask a question regarding one of my stories, please refrain from doing it anonymously because I can't reply privately to an anonymous question. **

**So...I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**any spelling/punctuation/grammar mistakes along with every other chapter of this story are my own and I apologize in advance for them. **

**enjoy :)**

* * *

The Boston Police Department was curiously quiet. The sounds of papers shuffling, cleared throats, whispered voices, cell phones and office phones, fingers tapping, fingers typing, and much more could be heard. The smell of coffee filtered the air on the first floor of the building. She looked at the cafe and could see a line of officers waiting for their coffee.

Maura watched as Angela helped each customer with care and smile on her face as if she were happy to be there. And it was quite possible that she was. She loved her job.

Her first stop was supposed to be the cafe, but it appeared that Angela had her hands full. She didn't want to make it harder for the older woman to do her job and easier for Stanley to find an excuse to fire his best and perhaps his only employee.

She walked to the elevator, debating internally if she should go to her office first or go see Frost. She frowned. She really needed to see Frost but her office was urgent.

"Dr. Isles?" She heard from behind her. A man.

She turned and forced a smile to the dark man. "Detective Crowe," she gingerly turned to press the down elevator button. "how are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good."

Maura had never favored the man, but that was much less obvious than his disfavor for her. He was very open about his opinions of people, Jane of all. But, somehow she'd missed him. She missed his crude opinions and his obnoxious ways. She missed his bald head and incessant remarks on her looks. Most of all, she missed him giving Jane an excuse to stand up for her.

"How are you?" He asked.

She noticed the man looked actually interested in her answer. "I've been good." She didn't want to lie. At least not too much. She had been good. She could smile now. She could laugh now. But, lately, she did have a few downfalls.

"Good." He nodded. "Are coming up today?"

"I'll stop by." She nodded. "I need to see Detective Frost."

"I'll see you then?"

"Sure." She tossed a smile in his direction as she stepped into her elevator. She watched as he waved a goodbye to her with a smile. It was odd. But she didn't dwell on it.

The morgue was completely different and yet somehow the same. All of her supplies were there, just rearranged. She knew the mastermind behind that. She could see him in her office. His head was deep in a book and he sat in her chair. She'd shipped her office furniture to New York, so now there were worn brown leather couches scattered around the office as if he'd ever gotten any visitors.

"Dr. Pike," she knocked once of the door before stepping in. She still had rights to the office. It was still her office. She wondered if he knew that.

"Oh, Dr. Isles," he closed his books. "I heard a rumor you were back. I just didn't believe it."

"Well, I am." She wore a tight smile. For her own sake rather his. She knew that if she wore a sucking lemons look, she wouldn't get what she'd come for.

"Well, how are you?" He watched as she took a seat across from him.

"Good." She summed. "And you?"

"Good, good." He nodded. "Is there something you need? You aren't due to return to work for another six months."

"I need some files."

"Okay?"

"Files I'd left here." She glanced around her office. "They were left with some of my other things." She looked at him in her chair for example. "Could you tell me where they were moved."

"Ah, yes," he stood. "I knew this day would come. One day you would need something from me. Here I am, now superior to you."

She rolled her eyes.

"How much are you willing to give for those files, Dr. Isles?" He sat on the corner of the desk. "How important are they to you?"

"Dr. Pike," she rose from her seat, setting her purse on the desk. "Have you forgotten that I am merely on leave, never have I given up my title as Chief Medical Examiner. As for now you are Interim. Are you aware of what that means?"

He only stared.

"It means you are temporary. Shall I say the word and you will be out of this office and working in South Boston on the graveyard shift." He inched away from her and back into his seat. "Now," she smirked. "May I have the location to my files?"

"Rizzoli moved them." He muttered. "Before she left, she came in here demanding she have all of your files moved."

This surprised Maura enough to look at the man as if he three heads rather one. "What?"

"I don't know where they are, Dr. Isles. Only Rizzoli knows."

"Well, you must know."

"Well, I don't." He rolled his eyes. "She said that she didn't want to risk me ruining all of your things and that you would be returning so she took care of them for you. Frankly, I might have just thrown them out." At that he received a glare from the honey-blonde. "But, she did leave this in your drawer." He opened the top right drawer of the desk. In it were pens, markers, paper clips and other small office supplies. But in the back of it had been a small brown manilla envelope. It was addressed to Maura in Jane's writing.

"She said you were to find it when you returned." He handed it to Maura.

It wasn't heavy but it did have a certain weight to it. She could feel something hard inside of it. "Thank you," she looked down at her name written on it.

Inside the envelope had been a note and a key. Maura eyed the key suspiciously. It was small and the end of it was round. It was also black and thin. The note stated the key matched the lock of an evidence storage locker. Locker 1673.

Here she was. Looking at the last row of lockers in the large room. She ran her fingers across each locker as she passed them until she reached the last one. Her locker. The key slid in perfectly. She tilted it thirty degrees before she heard a click. Upon opening the locker, a piece of paper fell out and landed on her right foot before sliding off her heel to the floor. She glanced down at it before looking into the locker. It was rather large. There were seven rows of her manilla folders. Thick and thin. They were all different but appeared to be the same as she'd left them.

They were also still filed alphabetically. She smiled.

She reached for the files she'd needed and closed the locker quickly. The note forgotten on the floor, she exited the locker room in search of her old friend Barry Frost.

Frost sat at his usual desk. Maura had to remind herself it'd only been six months rather six years. He was still the same man. Only she had been the one to change. On his desk had been a plate of food she was sure he'd forgotten about. It was obviously left by Angela. It was covered in plastic and on it had been a note left by the older woman.

"Hey," Frost looked up from his screen. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you."

"Oh," he frowned. "well Doc I don't know if you know this but I'm in a committed relationship with Frankie."

She laughed. "Well darn." She turned to go.

"Wait, wait!" He stood from his chair and grabbed her arm. "What is it?" He looked at the desk across from his. It was Jane's. Still. No matter what anyone said, that desk was still hers. He pulled out the seat Jane used to occupy everyday. "Here. Sit."

Maura looked at the empty desk. There was no evidence that Jane had ever owned that desk.

"What did you want to see me about?" His hands were on his hips and he looked almost proud.

"I need your help."

"With?" He grinned.

She looked down at the files in her lap. "Two days ago, a federal agent was killed. I worked with him a lot. And...I believe he was killed because of me."

His smile fell from his face. He hadn't expected that. He hoped it'd been about Jane. He was almost sure it had been. "How do you want me to help?" He pulled his own chair around and sat in front of her.

"For the two weeks, I have been stalked by a man named The Decider." She admitted in a whisper. "Agent Kirby's wounds match the wounds of The Decider's victims."

"Did you say Agent Kirby?"

"Yes." She pulled another set of folders out of her purse. "He was the agent I worked out."

"Does...Jane know?"

"Does Jane know what?"

"Does Jane know Agent Kirby was killed." He was patient with her.

"Why would this matter to Jane?" Maura was thoroughly confused. She wasn't even sure how they would know one another aside from working in the same building together.

"She...and Kirby had a special relationship..."

Her heart skipped a beat. "You mean..." She couldn't bring herself to say the words but her chest burned. Had Agent Kirby been seeing Jane? They hadn't talked much but he never mentioned to be in a relationship.

"No, no." He almost laughed. "God, no. Jane has sworn off men." Or women for that fact. He continued in his head. "They worked on an assignment together."

"Oh," her frown deepened. "That's just rather unfortunate."

"So you're being stalked," he continued. "By...The Decider. A man who possibly killed Agent Kirby. An Agent that worked with you."

"Yes." She nodded.

"How can I help?"

"I need you to look into old cases for me." She looked at the three stacks of folders. One stack was blue folders. One was manilla. And the last was black. "The blues are cases in New York. The black are cases from Quantico. And well, these are from Boston." She watched as he pulled a file from each. "I need you to cross reference each case. There are things The Decider knows about me that I didn't do in New York. There are things he knows about me that I didn't do in Quantico. And there are things he knows about that I haven't done in Boston."

"You think he's been following you for a while then?"

She only frowned.

"You're afraid we caught the wrong guys on some of these cases and maybe he was the one we should have been going after."

"I think this man knows far too much about me than I have ever admitted to a soul. And now New York knows most of those things." She frowned. "There's something else." She pulled out a small envelope from her purse and handed it to Frost.

He looked at it curiously. There three letters in it.

_Dr. Isles, _

_ It seems you haven't taken my last few letters seriously. So maybe this will catch your attention, __Dr. Isles.__ Do you remember Detective Steele? The one you __w__ent on a date with last week in Quantico? Check your the freezer in your office in New York when you return home. _

_Dr. Isles, _

_ This is what you've done, Maura. Further ignoring me will only mean the people closest to you will die. Unfortunately, you're a rather lonely soul so not very many will be harmed. But, perhaps I should visit your mother whom is still recovering from her accident last year? What about your father? How would your mother get on without him? No. Perhaps I should take someone far more important to you than them. A real parental figure in your life. Should I go visit Angela Rizzoli? She's all alone in that large home of yours. _

_ Please do yourself and I a favor, Maura. Keep them out of this. I only want you. Along with this letter, I've sent instructions for you to come to find me. Involve the police and I will end the life of Angela. _

_ Dr. Isles, _

_ Agent Kirby is dead, Dr. Isles. But, it appears you of all would be aware of that. How hard has it been to scrub the blood off the carpet in your living room? To get the smell of his death off the scent of your furniture? I warned you not to involve the police. His death is in your hands, Maura. I only want you. You have one chance. By the end of this week, you will meet me at the cottage we spoke of. _

"And then..." She slid the last one across the desk. "There's this one...I found it in my car." Her chin quivered, mirroring the fear she was trying to hide.

_Maura, _

_ Did you think you could run? You foolish woman. Running to Detective Rizzoli won't stop me. I am not afraid of that barbaric Neanderthal. She won't stop me, Maura. She won't protect you. I'll only kill her while you watch, knowing that your death will soon come. You still have until the end of the week Maura to save the life of your precious ex wife and the rest of your friends and family. It would be a shame to have such a blood bath in your home, wouldn't it? Do not involve Jane and her team or I will kill them. Do not test me, Maura. We've seen what I can do and it'll be just as easy to kill them as I've killed the others. _

"We have to tell Jane." Frost refolded the letter.

"He specifically states not to!" She looked at him. "I do not want to involve anymore people in this. Frost, this is a lot to ask of me. If I ask you to do this and if you do this, there's a possibility he'll kill you."

"And what happens if I don't help and you die? Who do you think will kill me then?"

Maura didn't know.  
"Jane." He supplied, irritated. "She'll torture me far more than this guy ever could."

"Do you realize the risks?"

"I do." He nodded. "I can die. But how is that any different from any other case I'm in? Maura, you're like a sister to me. I love you. I want to help you. I want to protect you. But, I'm not one of the best. You already know who is."

"You can't tell her. I won't risk her life."

"Maura, I have to." He sighed, rubbing the headache forming in his head. "I have to tell her because she's one of the best and her team is full of the best. They could solve this."

"Do not underestimate yourself, Frost. You are an amazing Detective."

He smiled sadly. "Then please...let me help you. Let me tell Jane."

She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at her friend. He was right. If this case was going to be solved, she was going to need the best. But at what cost? How important was her safety if it meant that everyone she loved would soon be hurt? Sure, she hadn't loved Agent Kirby. She hadn't loved Detective Steele either but she cared a great deal for them. Kirby being one of the few men who actually spoke to her as if she were human rather a robot. He reminded her a lot of Frost and she'd loved that about him. His death was her fault. Along with Detective Steele's. She hadn't meant to date the woman. Steele was persistent, just as Jane had always been. This wasn't just about her anymore. It wasn't just her that was in jeopardy. This was about Detective Steele and Agent Kirby now. Their deaths will have not been in vain.

"Okay." She nodded. "You can involve the BAU."

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**Author's Nose & Mouth: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN**

**what in the world do you think is going to happen next? How is Jane going to react? Who do you think this guy is? Is it someone random or someone Maura has known for a while? Hmmmmmmm? **

**review with your thoughts**

**thanks for reading 3 **


	21. Chapter 21

Maura watched eerily as Frost paced the bull pen. His right hand on his hips and as he chewed on his left thumb nervously. He was showing obvious signs of anxiety. She could understand why. He had to be the one to tell Jane. Maura had offered to do it herself, but since she'd just involved him in this case and making him the lead detective in Boston, it was his job and somehow his "duty" as he'd put it to tell Jane.

"I should call the lead detective in New York." He snapped his fingers as if he'd come to some huge conclusion and solution to his problems. "He can back me up."

"Unfortunately, he's in New York right now."

"But...I can fly him here."

"With what funding? Boston barely has enough to pay their officers." Maura frowned. She hated to bring down an idea but there was no need to involve so many. "Besides, catching a flight around this time would be next to impossible. Christmas is in three days."

"What about your private jet?" He offered, looking at her with the saddest pair of puppy dog eyes she'd ever seen a grown man wear. "It's in New York, right? Your parents are supposed to come out anyway. They can come out early and he can catch a ride with them. They'll make it by dawn."

"I do not want my parents here at this time." She shook her head. "He has already threatened them."

"We can protect them." Frost promised. "Besides, who's to say he hasn't already gotten someone in New York waiting to kill them."

"I can't."

"Maura," he stooped down in front of her on knee. "I'm not doing this for me. Sure, it'd be nice to have some back up as I tell Jane but I'm ultimately going to have to deal with her on my own anyway since she'll be here in twenty minutes. He knows a lot more about the case than I do. We need him here, Maura. You'll need him here. If we're going to solve this and solve it before the end of the week? We're going to need as much help as we can get."

She frowned. He had a point. She nodded. "Okay. I'll call my parents."

"Good." Frost almost smiled. Under the circumstances, he couldn't find himself to think anything was a good idea but he knew what would be a bad idea. To have all of the people closest to her so far away and unprotected.

Maura was already dialing her mother's number as Frost stood and walked back to the white dry erase board. On it were short facts about each case that connected to her case and he could see the connections clearly. Women that matched her description were killed. They were honey-blonde. Hazel eyes. Petite. Rather wealthy and somehow socially inapt. In the medical field. How had they missed the cases in Boston?

"Hey," Frankie appeared from behind the board as he touched Frost's arm. "What are you up to?" He glanced at the board. It didn't state Maura's name specifically but it stated her feats, and he could have gone from there with an assumption.

Frost looked to Maura, unsure if he was allowed to relay the information.

"He already knows." Maura supplied, covering the bottom of her phone.

"Is this the The Decider case?" He picked up a file that lay open on the desk next to Maura. "You're working it?" He looked to his boyfriend.

Frost rubbed his head. "Yeah, she came to me."

"You tellin' Jane?" He looked at his partner sympathetically and nervously.

"Yeah." Frost frowned. "Mind helpin' me out with that since you know about it?"

"I'd do a lot of things for you but being in the room for that?" Frankie almost laughed.

The dark detective glared. "So I'm going to be completely alone on this?"

"Not completely." Maura said from her chair. "You'll have me there."

"That helps." He rolled his eyes. When the elevator dinged once more, Frost looked over to it, nervously. Jane and a few members of her team stepped out. Her cell phone was to her ear, but it appeared that Penelope somehow still managed to yak her ear off.

"My parents will be here in six hours." Maura slid her cell phone back into her blazer pocket. "Along with Detective Brinkley if I can get a hold of him." She stood.

"He didn't answer?"

"Unfortunately." She crossed her arms over her chest. She took a deep breath as she looked at the board.

"Hey Frost," Jane smiled at her old partner.

"Hey, Jane." He forced a smile back.

Her phone was still to her ear. He figured she'd been on hold.

"Can I talk to you in brig?" He gestured to the room just kilometers away from them.

"Yeah," she nodded as she followed him. Behind her had been Maura.

"Good luck!" Frankie called to his partner.

Jane looked over her shoulder with a confused look. But shrug it off.

Maura closed the doors behind them. She could see Frankie and the other agents and detectives gathered near Jane's old desk and the whiteboard. They were all watching. She sighed, sadly.

"Hold on," the brunette said after a moment. "I'm trying to get in contact with someone in Quantico. He's not answering."

"That wouldn't happen to be Agent Kirby, would it?" Frost slid his hands into his pockets.

Jane looked up from her phone. "It is." She gave him a strange look. "Why?"

"That's actually one of the things I wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you know?" She sat on the edge of one of the desks in the room. Maura only stood near the door, quietly. Frost looked to her for help but she only gave him a pointedly look to continue.

He sighed. She was absolutely no help. "Agent Kirby...is dead."

It took her a moment. And it appeared as if she'd been having an internal battle within herself. "You're lying," she declared. "I just talked to him a few days ago. Before we landed in Boston. He said he'd call me today."

"He's dead, Jane."

"I just talked to him!"

"It's true," Maura stepped into the room. She received a look from Jane that she couldn' decipher. "On my last assignment in Quantico, Agent Kirby and I had decided to grab dinner." This look was a look of hurt as if she'd been betrayed by the agent. "After, I'd decided to go back to the lab to finish some work. I found him in my apartment in Quantico."

"Which leads us to the next segment," Frost continued when Jane didn't respond. "The same man who killed Agent Kirby wants Maura. We're sure if he wants to kill or what but he wants her by the end of the week."

"What?" This elicited a response from the brunette.

"He-"

"No I heard what you said." She stopped him. She looked to Maura. "How long have you known this?"

"Two weeks." Maura flinched when Jane stood, abruptly. "I-I didn't take it seriously until-until people started dying!"

"Maur, some sick fuck is out to get you and Lord fucking knows what he wants to do with you!" Jane was in her ex wife's face. So close, Maura could smell the mint on her breath. "We spent the entire fucking morning together and you neglected to tell me that 'hey some guy wants to kill me'?"

"I didn't think-"

"Obviously you didn't!" She interrupted. "Obviously you didn't fucking think about this at all."

"Jane," Maura used her stern voice. She touched her ex wife's shoulders. "I'm not entirely sure what I've done wrong. I have Detectives in New York working this case. I'm going to be-"

"Then why did you go to Frost?" The Agent interrupted her again. Rage was fuming through her. She was hot. "If the Detectives in New York has it under control then why the fuck are you here with Frost?"

"Because...I needed his help."

She clenched her jaw. Looking at her ex wife. Her best friend. Her...whatever the hell Maura was to her anymore. She spun around abruptly. "Invite us on the case." She demanded. "Ask us to join this case. To help."

"Jane-"

"Do it! Now!" She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him out of the small space and up to her boss. She pushed him until he staggered up to the slightly older gentleman. "Do it!"

"I-I would like to invite you on a case." Frost rushed out. Glad no one could see his blush.

"Hotch accept it." Jane demanded, her hands on her hips, daring her boss to say no to her. Either way, they were going to help. Rather they were invited on the case or not. "Accept his offer!"

"Agent..." Hotch sighed. He looked at the dark man who only looked at him nervously. "May I have a word with you."

She rolled her eyes but nodded. She followed the man back into brig. On her way in there she noticed Maura leaving. "Don't you even think about leaving." She said to Maura. She glanced at her brother. He knew exactly what that look meant. He was on Maura duty. He only nodded as he stood next to the honey-blonde.

Hotch closed the doors and the curtains as well before turning around to Jane, who walked completely to the center of the room. Her hands on her hips. Huffing and buffing hot air.

"Don't ever demand something of me, Rizzoli." He said, firstly. "I am your boss, not your friend."

"We have to help!"

"You can't force him into inviting us on the case!"

"Hotch, while we're in here discussing what I can and can't do a monster is out there plotting the death of my ex wife."

"Do you hear yourself, Rizzoli? Your emotions are clouding your judgment, already. You're going around giving orders and demanding things."

"Because she's my ex wife, Hotch!" She thought about bringing up George Foyet. How Hotch had gone through hell and back to protect his wife and son but ultimately lost. But it would have been a low blow as well as a good point. It wasn't worth it. She would still have liked to have her job when the case was over. "He was going to invite us on the case anyway." She said, more calmly. "Please, just accept the offer, Hotch. Please?"

"Will it make a difference if I don't?" He resigned with a sigh. "You're going to help, anyway."

"Exactly." She nodded. "And I would also like the help of my team."

"Fine." He agreed. "On one condition."

"What? Anything, I'll do it."

"You sit this one out."

"Anything but that."

"Rizzoli, I've just watched you all but scream at the woman you're trying to protect." He looked at her. And received a glare from the new Agent. "They haven't even told you the semantics of the situation yet and you're head is almost about to blow. You're not thinking clearly. Emotions blocking the cop in you right now. I need you to sit this one out."

She rubbed her palms. "Hotch, you know I can't do that."

"Just...for a few hours. Until the lead Detective from New York gets here."

She narrowed her eyes for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

He patted her shoulder. "Go get some coffee or something, Rizzoli. We're brief you when you get back."

"Wait." She stopped him before he could open the door again. "You said the lead Detective from New York. How did you know Frost wasn't the lead Detective when I've only just found out about it all?"

He turned around.

"How long have long have you known?"

If he weren't good with his emotions at work, he might have given her a look of guilt. "Agent Kirby told me about it. Just like he'd been telling me about how you had him checking up on Dr. Isles."

"And you never bothered to tell me?!" Her rage was returning at a rapid pace that should have scared him. "You've known about this for two fucking weeks and you never bothered to say a fucking word or even try to help?"

"There were other cases-"

"Other cases my fucking ass, Hotch! We're talking about a Medical Examiner for three fucking different cities!"

"She's not the most important woman in the world, Rizzoli!" His tone matched hers. "There were dying children in Oregon! Are you telling me you'd rather save her life than the life of those children? Children who trusted you and you only?!"

She glared at him. If looks could kill. "No." She bit out. "But I should have known."

"Look at you right now!" He gestured to her. "Yelling at your superior. Yelling at your old partner. Yelling at your ex wife. You would have been distracted the entire case. And if you're going to work this one, you'd better screw your damn head on straight, Rizzoli. Because you're going to treat this like any other case we have. I can't have a distracted agent. Distracted agents let innocents die."

She bit her tongue.

"Now," he stared at her. "Go. Get. Coffee."

She stared back at him for a moment. How important was her job? Really? But she decided it was one of the most important things in her life. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and high tailed it out of brig. She blew through the crowd of agents and detectives as they all watched her leave. She threw Maura a look. One that told her she was still clearly very pissed off but under strict orders she couldn't say a damn thing about it. The honey-blonde frowned, guiltily.

* * *

Jane sat in the cafe while her mother poured her yet another cup of coffee. She gave her mother a thankful look. The older woman only rubbed her daughter's arm and sighed.

"I know you want to protect her baby," Angela frowned.

"Yeah, I do."

"But do you think yelling at her is going to do any good?" Angela took the seat across from her daughter. "Do you think yelling at anyone is going to help?"

"I've calmed down since then."

"This man," the older woman looked at her daughter. Her beautiful daughter. "he's going to want to do some very vile things to Maura. Do you think you can handle hearing all of those things? Do you think you can listen as she tells you everything he has ever said to her?"

"I can try."

"She's not looking for Jane her best friend who is a Detective. She's looking for the Agent who is the best in the business and happens to have been her best friend. Can you tell the difference?"

"Yeah," Jane sighed. "One puts her friendship first and her job second. The other one puts her job first and her friendship second."

"And which one can you be to her?"

"Honestly, I don't know, Ma." The brunette sipped her coffee and ignored the burn in her throat. "I think about her and I think I need to protect her. But the only I can protect is by doing my job. But while doing my job, I think about how I could lose her and it makes me just want to be near her. But I know that won't do much good. If I'm just sitting on my ass."

"I know it's hard, baby." She didn't have any advice. She had no idea how to help either women. Angela frowned. Feeling just as useless as Jane. She looked around the cafe and noticed the object of their conversation walking through the door. "What are you doing down here?"

"It gets hard to be the victim." Maura supplied sadly.

"Do you want some coffee?"

"Please?" Maura smiled.

"You look hungry." Angela looked at the woman who was like a daughter to her. She was pale. "I'll get you something to eat too."

"Okay." The honey-blonde knew arguing with her or telling her otherwise was a waste so she just nodded. "May I sit?" She suggested to the seat across from Jane.

The Agent looked from her coffee to her ex wife and nodded.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"You should-" she cut herself off and bit her lip. "It's okay." She sighed. "I didn't deserve to know, anyway."

"Jane," Maura took the brunette's hands in her own. It'd been the first real touch they'd shared in six months. Earlier she'd took Jane by the shoulders but the layers of fabric had been intercepting direct contact with the brunette. "had I known that this would have been important to you, you would have been the first person I told."

"Of course this is important to me, Maura." Jane looked stunned and rather hurt. "You're life is in danger. Do you have any idea how...how lost I'd be if something had happened to you?"

The Medical Examiner bit her bottom lip. She raked that over.

"Just because I'm not the most important person in your life anymore-"

"You are." She said it so quickly it surprised herself as well as Jane. She cleared her throat. "You're still my Jane. You're still...I still love you."

"You're just not in love with me." Jane cleared as she pulled her hands away.

Maura missed the contact, immediately. "Jane...I..."

"Dr. Isles?" She heard from over Jane's shoulder. She almost glared at the interruption until she noticed the man the voice belonged to.

"Detective Brinkley," she stood to greet the man.

"I thought that was you." He smiled. Detective Colin Brinkley was a man who wore suits more than she'd ever seen a man wear suits. Even on Casual Fridays in the office, he still wore suits. Even at social picnics, he still wore his suits. She'd once run into him at an opera with a date of his, and he wore what appeared to be a more expensive suit. He was a strong man with strong and sharp facial features to match.

"I'm so glad you made it." She admitted as she shook his hand. She could feel Jane's eyes on her behind her. "Um, Detective," she gestured to the brunette. "This is Agent Jane Rizzoli of the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"Profiler?" He reached for her hand.

Jane stood and shook it, unwillingly and rather unenthusiastically. "Yup." She forced a tight smile.

"This should be easy for you guys then." He grinned.

"That's what we're hoping for." The Agent crossed her arms over her chest.

"Are they all waiting?" He looked around the empty cafe.

"Yes." Maura nodded. "Could you tell me where my parents are?"

"They were in the cab behind me."

"They took a cab?" She was almost shocked.

"Said they needed to see you as soon as possible." He shrugged.

Maura sighed. She noticed her mother and father walking into BPD with looks of equal parts worry, confusion, and anger. "Jane, could you..." She gestured to the Detective.

"Yeah, I'll take him upstairs." She walked around the unnecessarily buff man and waited for him to follow. She didn't miss the look he gave Maura. His eyes scraped her features. She watched as he looked his licks. She cleared her throat, which didn't do very much good. "Detective Brinkley."

"What?" He turned. "Oh. Right." He smiled, apologetically.

The elevator ride was quiet. And actually a bit uncomfortable. Jane could tell he had something to say but he was either too nervous or too proud to say it.

"So you and Dr. Isles..." He looked at her.

"Me and Dr. Isles...what?"

"You two?" He made a gesture she couldn't even begin to understand. It looked like scissors but she couldn't be sure. "Together?"

"How is this relevant to the case?"

"Actually, it kind of is." He shrugged. "He threatened to kill you. And that's when she came to me."

"What?"

"His third letter to her. It contained photos of you. He threatened to kill you." He swallowed when she turned to him. "Because he knew that...she still loved you...I guess. So...he...threatened her with you..."

"Do you have the letters?"

"I have all the original case files." He patted the bag on his shoulder.

"Let me see them." She reached.

He looked at her for a moment but didn't dare not to show her.

Jane noticed, for a big strong man this man wasn't very intimidating. He reminded her of a big stuffed bear, actually. It was kind of cute. Well, it would have been if he hadn't been checking her ex wife out. She was going to have a talk with him about that.

"I also remember you chewing one of our detectives out last month." He continued. "When they asked Maura out."

"Not one of my finest moments." She muttered as she opened the file. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. She walked, managing to read and make it to her destination safely. She closed the file, using her index finger to bookmark her spot. "This is the lead Detective on the case in New York. Detective Brinkley."

"We actually already met..." Brinkley supplied. "Worked a big case in New York a few years ago."

"Of course you were just a rookie in this Homicide business back then." Morgan half hugged the man. "Nice to see you again."

"You too." He grinned. "Where's Prentiss?"

At that, Jennifer rolled her eyes and walked away.

"She went back to the CIA. Interpol, actually." Morgan frowned. "Rizzoli's in her place now." He smirked at his partner. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Where's Frost?"

"Brig with Garcia and Reid."

She owed him an apology. Of course, she was still a little mad at him. But, she had to remind herself that there was nothing to be mad at. Even with Maura, there was nothing they'd done wrong. She'd just overreacted.

"Frost," she cleared her throat as she opened the door to the small room. "can I have a word?"

He glanced up from one of Garcia's many laptops. His face going from complete amazement to fear in a total of three seconds.

"I'm not going to hurt you." She shifted, almost uncomfortably.

"I'll be right back." Frost told Garcia and Reid. They only nodded, not even looking away from the computers.

Frost followed Jane into another bullpen. Drugs, he almost rolled his eyes.

"Listen," she sat on the edge of one of the many desks. He wondered if she knew that was now Crowe's new desk. "I want to apologize about earlier. I was out of line and rude and just...I overreacted. I'm sorry."

He smirked.

"You ain't makin' this any easier, dude." She narrowed her eyes.

"I'm not supposed to." He slid his hands into his pockets. "It's an apology. You're supposed to have some trouble. Now I don't fully believe you're sincere."

"How about I stick my foot up your ass." She stood, abruptly. "That sincere enough?"

He laughed. "Same old Rizzoli." He shook his head. "Of course, I forgive you. You gonna do it again?"

"I can't make any promises that I won't."

"Well as long as I'm prepared." He walked off. "Just make sure you apologize to your boss so you'll still have a job after this. BPD won't take you back." He called over his shoulder.

She thought about it. And she wanted to apologize to him. But, she wasn't that sorry. She knew she should have been but she wasn't. She needed someone to be angry at and Hotch seemed more than willing to take the bait on that one.

She reopened the file in her hands. Her finger hand bookmarked the first letter The Decider had ever wrote to Maura. Her eyes scanned the letter before she'd committed herself to reading it. There were words that popped out and made her stomach turn.

"Jane," Korsak stood at the entrance of the new bullpen. "Doc's asking for you."

She looked up to her old sergeant. "Where is she?"

"The morgue." He frowned. "And we're going to need those." He pointed to the file in her hand. "Your profiler friends want to dissect it. Word for word."

"Hotch doesn't think I should be around for that." She stated. Knowing her boss all to well. He was the one that trained her.

"No one does." He rubbed the back of his head.

She rolled her eyes. "I'll be with Maura, then."

* * *

Maura sat at her desk. For the first time in six months, she finally felt like she was home again. Maybe even a little more at home than she'd felt in her own Boston home. Her fingers tapped on her desk almost impatiently.

They'd asked her to step out as they began to tackle the case as a team. And she'd respected that but she hoped she could offer some help. She only hoped. She knew they were far more qualified than she'd been. But how does someone let a group of adults discuss almost every aspect of her and not want to be there to defend herself?

"This must be driving you crazy." Jane's voice startled her ex wife. She almost laughed.

Maura turned to the brunette. "What?"

"Not being able to help." Jane closed the door behind as she entered the office. It looked so different. Nothing about it screamed Maura, anymore. "You love helping with the big cases."

"It's certainly pestering me."

"It's for the best."

"Is that why you're down here as well?" Maura dared a glance at the brunette who leaned against the office door. "Is that also for the best?"

"Nah," she smirked. "I got stuck babysitting."

Maura laughed. "Well then that just means they're not very confident in your abilities as an agent."

"Yeah, yeah." Jane stepped into the office more. "Wow, OCDyke has really gone crazy with this office. I mean, the furniture you had was downright uncomfortable but at least it wasn't sore to look at."

The honey-blonde couldn't if that was a backhanded compliment or not. She decided to accept it as one. "Remodeling should be fun."

"He painted the walls brown, Maura. Like...shit brown."

"Well I didn't say it would be easy."

Jane smiled. She sat down on the longest couch in the room. She could feel Maura's eyes on her. "C'mere." She patted the spot next to her. She heard Maura heels but it was as if the air around them was thick and she could already feel the Medical Examiner move.

Maura relaxed the moment she sat next to Jane. She'd even dared to rest her head on the other woman's shoulder. "I missed this." She sighed contently.

The brunette snorted. "What? Murders coming after you?"

"You." Maura smiled.

* * *

**Author's Nose: I have decided something that I'm not too sure about but I think it'd be a really good plot twist. Next chapter might be posted later if I get a lot of feedback from this story. I know, I know, it seems like I'm raiding for reviews but look at this way**

**when shows get cancelled what's the most reason? because they don't get ratings**

**when you don't show your appreciation for something then they stop doing it and if you don't show that you're actually interested in this then I probably won't be motivated to finish it **

**I'm a writer, yes. But it's a hobby and I could easily just start a new story that peeks my interest far more than this**

**soooo with that said you don't have to review. I'd never say "review or you don't get another chapter" because that's mean. I know some people actually like this story. I'm just asking for the other dozens of people to also show their interest in the story as well. **

**Now. **

**How was that? Was it too dramatic? Not dramatic enough? What? What do you think is going to happen next? **

**Also, I'm trying my best to capture the BAU right but truly I haven't watched the show since Prentiss left last season so I kinda of lost touch with my babies. If I get their personalities a little wrong just know I'm not perfect and it's pretty hard to remember how they were exactly. Like if Reid seems a little more stupid just know I'm not exceedingly smart so he's not going to be perfect**

**What do you think is going to happen between Jane and Maura? Because I think something good is gonna happen if you know what I mean. Maybe a little distressed Maura and a little protective Jane will lay their emotions bare in a more natural way if you catch my drift. Maybe go at it like rabbits maybe. Hmm? Hmm? **

**You guys decide. By reviewing.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING THIS IS ME EXPRESSING MY APPRECIATION BY SCREAMING IN CAPS**

**AND OMG LET ME FANGIRL OVER LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE. I WON'T RUIN IT BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT. GO. WATCH. IT. SO MUCH GAY.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Nose: Note I kind of wrote this at three and morning and I was supposed to check it to see if there were any errors but I've been throwing up all day because guess who contracted the flu because they were too afraid to get a flu shot? This girl. So yeah. Thank you guys for your outstanding reviews. **

* * *

Jane watched as Maura slept. Somehow the honey-blonde found the courage to fall asleep. Because if it'd been her, she would have been far too spooked to sleep. But it had been her. At some point. When Hoyt was after her, it had been her. And Maura was at her side each time. The Medical Examiner had found comfort in Jane's shoulder and drifted off to sleep.

Despite her urgency to pee, Jane stayed put. It'd been so long since she'd felt Maura's warmth. She could smell the lilacs and strawberry, painfully mixed together and bring almost every memory of the night they'd gotten married and made love. Maura so close to her was a painful reminder of that night. She could still smell Maura. She could still feel her. The heat of the other woman against her palm as she touched just about any part of the honey-blonde that she could. She could feel Maura in her arms, and it wasn't just because Maura was literally in her arms now.

She could feel Maura's heartbeat. She could feel the woman against her live. She could feel her breathe. She could just feel Maura and something about that was so satisfying. It was soothing. She loved that feeling and she hadn't even known it until now.

Her arm had fallen asleep and she tried to extricate herself. She really had to pee. She'd debated with herself internally for the last hour. Leave Maura alone for just two minutes or just stay and protect her? She knew that if The Decider had gotten to Maura within those two minutes, she'd never forgive herself. But, she really had to pee.

So, she slowly slid her arm from around the honey-blonde. It was quiet. The only sound that could be heard outside of Jane's mind was the hum of the florescent lights and the generators in the distance. Most of the lab techs had been gone. She placed a pillow where her shoulder had been, hoping that an unconscious Maura wouldn't notice the difference.

But who had she been kidding? Maura noticed everything. The smaller woman's eyes opened, slowly, staring right into brown orbs. She gave her a look of confusion. A look of worry. Almost asking if she was leaving her.

"I just...I had to pee." Jane supplied the unspoken question. She licked her lips. She couldn't deny how utterly beautiful Maura was. Her thin but somehow irresistibly full lips. Her hazel eyes, turning dark for some reason Jane couldn't figure out just yet. Her wavy honey-blonde hair, cascading her shoulders and framing her perfect face. Her cream skin...skin so soft Jane wondered how she ever kept her hands off her best friend.

Maura, no matter her state, usually had a clear head. But in this very moment? Right now? Her judgment, along her logic was clouded. When Jane looked at her like that. Like she wouldn't dare leave Maura, she couldn't help it. When Jane licked her lips like that. Everything about Jane was just...admirable.

"Jane," she whispered. Her voice asking a question. _Do you still love me? _

One the Agent picked up immediately. "Maur," her voice was equally as low and supplying the very answer to the that question. Yes. I do.

"Kiss me." The honey-blonde whispered.

She knew she should have thought about it. She should have questioned Maura. She should have stated the obvious. You don't love me, remember? But somehow she couldn't bring herself to care about it. Kissing anyone had never been as right as it had been with Maura. The way they're tongues collided in a dual and the fight turned into submission on both parts. The taste of Maura was intoxicating. It made Jane's head swim and all she could see clearly was the woman in front of her. She leaned in. She wanted to feel that again. She wanted to feel right again. Their lips were already so close. She could almost taste the hypnotizing woman on her tongue.

"Rizzoli." Hotch called from the door.

His voice and presence pulled both women away from their moment with a snap, as if they were rubber bands. Jane looked at her boss, almost with daggers.

"He wants to speak with her." Was all her boss supplied. Silently telling her he wouldn't have interrupted if it hadn't been important.

She nodded. Putting back on her Agent demeanor again, she looked at her ex wife. "I guess we should get up there." She helped the smaller woman up.

Maura nodded. "Right." She swallowed hard. Feeling nothing but disappointment.

"Remember to keep your tone light." Agent Rossi reminded Maura.

"He's sadistic," Reid followed. "He knows that we're working this case now and he thinks he has the upper hand because he figured it out. He's going to seem intimidating because he wants you to believe he's angry, but he's actually rather amused."

"He's also going to try to threaten you to see if he'll get a reaction," Jennifer handed the phone to Maura. "He might even try to throw some names around at you to see which one gets you more roused."

"Just...talk to him as if he's actually winning this game." Jane touched her ex wife's shoulder. "Because that's what this is to him. A game."

"Okay." Maura locked all of their advice into her head then sat down in the seat provided for her. "Okay." She waited while Morgan put on a pair of headphones, along with Reid and they pressed a button, signaling for everyone else to stay as quiet as possible.

"Hello." Maura stated into the phone.

"Dr. Isles," the voice was deep. It was almost hard to hear over something in the background. "how wonderful to hear your voice again." Hotch noted something down in his pad. "I see you've involved your FBI friends."

Jane wrote something down then showed it to Maura.

"I had to." She repeated the words. "You threatened my family."

"Which family was it?" the man inquired, almost if they were in a deep conversation across from each other. "the Isles or the Rizzoli's?"

At this, none of the agents had an answer.

"The Isles," Maura decided to go with.

"Are you sure, Dr. Isles?" he laughed. "are you sure you didn't rush to Boston to save the lives of your favorite Italians? Perhaps confess Jane of your love? Your undying love for her. Maybe save the only maternal figure you've ever had in your life? Angela Rizzoli?"

"No. It was my mother. My real mother."

"Constance isn't your real mother." He countered.

"She raised me." She kept her voice calm, despite her growing irateness.

"She's your social mother, Dr. Isles." He corrected. "Not your biological. I thought you of all would know the meaning of that."

"Nature, nurture." She agreed.

"That's right, Dr. Isles."

Jane wrote something else down quickly.

"Why are you doing this?" Maura asked, repeating the words displayed in front of her.

"Because, Dr. Isles,"

He wasn't going to be any more forthcoming than that. "What have I done?" She tried again.

"You know, Dr. Isles," he paused for a moment. "More often than now do victims ask that question. 'What have I done?' "what did I do to deserve this?' 'why are you doing to this to me?' and it seems that sometimes people miss the point. Why does anyone do the things they do? Why do you practice medicine? Why does Jane Rizzoli protect innocent people? Why does Constance paint for a living? Why does Angela proceed her scarcely above minimum wage salary job as a server at a direful cafe in an even worse police department?"

"Because we love what we do." She answered without a second thought.

"Did you ever think that perhaps I love what I do?"

"You love to kill innocent men and women?"

"It's certainly a thrill." He laughed. It was sadistic and cruel. It almost reminded her of nails to a chalkboard.

"What will you do to me if I meet you at the cottage?"

He sighed into the phone. "I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because Jane is listening."

"What if I asked her to leave?"

"She wouldn't." His smile was noticeable and Maura watched as Jane eyed her. "I'll tell you what, Maura. Meet me at the cottage and I'll show you just exactly what I'll do to you. Who knows, you might even enjoy it. You certainly enjoyed it when Jane did it to you."

She was going to be ill. Maura was literally going to be ill.

"And to the BAU," he continued. "Especially Jane..." She clenched her fists and jaw as she waited. "You're never going to catch me, Jane. Maura and I share a connection you were so afraid you didn't have with her. We're evil. We grew up with parents who preferred to send us thousands of miles away to school instead of showing us a fraction of love. You had a nurturing mother. One I just cannot wait to kill. You can try to catch me. You can chase in circles after me. But, the point of the matter is Jane, you never will. Even if you do, Maura will have already been dead-"

"Listen here, you sick son of a bitch. I will fucking find you and I will disembowel you. You think growing up with parents who didn't give a rats ass about you was tough? You have no idea what I'm capable of. I'll torture far worse than you ever tortured your victims. Lay a fucking finger on her and I will end you. Do I make myself clear?"

They all stared at Jane.

"Goodbye, Jane."

The line disconnected.

She threw the phone down. "Fuck!"

"There was something odd about him." Garcia commented, hoping to pull everyone back. "Did anyone notice something...almost..."

"Sad about him?" Morgan finished for her.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Like..I don't know.."

"He sounds lonely." Maura stated as she stared at the broken phone on the floor. "He sounds like he has never had a friend his only comfort is to kill others."

"Almost as pay back." Rossi added.

"Maybe he gets back at them for not being his friend?" Jane wiped her nose as she turned back to the discussion. "I don't know, maybe he feels betrayed when they show no interest in him and he takes it personally so he kills them."

"He's certainly showing a lot of interest in Dr. Isles," Jennifer mumbled.

"Maybe you've met him before." Hotch looked at the honey-blonde. "It could have been in anywhere. He seems to follow you wherever you go. Can you think of any reoccurring faces? Maybe someone you've seen in line at a coffee shop or while at the dry cleaners?"

Maura thought back. She had an exceedingly great memory but right now it came up blank. And she knew why. Because she was the victim. And when you're the victim, you feel this pressure to remember everything that has ever happened to you in order to help. "I...I can't say that I have."

"He'll be awkward." Jane helped. "He won't be very attractive. He may dress well but it might just be off brand. I can't imagine him being able to afford a lot of things if he's dropping everything to follow you around for a living."

"He might try to get your attention at times. Maybe he worked up the courage to accidentally bump into you once or twice."

She thought hard. But nothing. "I...I can't." She frowned, apologetically.

Reid replayed the tape.

"What did I do to deserve this?' 'why are you doing to this to me?' and it seems that sometimes people miss the point. Why does anyone do the things they do? Why do you practice medicine? Why does Jane Rizzoli protect innocent people? Why does Constance paint for a living? Why does Angela proceed her scarcely above minimum wage salary job as a server at a direful cafe in an even worse police department?" He'd said.

"Because we love what we do."

"Did you ever think that perhaps I love what I do?"

Reid stopped the player there. "I don't think he just likes her anymore. He has acquired profound feelings for her at this point. He has killed for her in Boston, New York, and Quantico. Most stalkers would have forsook their object of affection after awhile but he has only prevailed. Now abruptly, he's sending death terrors to anyone who interposes in his relationship with her."

"What are you saying?" Jane asked.

She looked at Reid, who only looked at Hotch. She turned her attention to her boss.

"What is he saying?"

This time, Hotch's look was nearly close to guilty. "He killed Agent Kirby after he and Maura went to dinner." Hotch supplied. Hoping that would be enough for her to grab onto. "He killed Detective Seeley in New York after she and Maura went on a date."

The realization hit her like a brick, it almost hurt. Her eyes were wide as she looked to each face in the room, hoping one would tell her otherwise. "He's in love with her."

"He doesn't want to kill her." Hotch touched her shoulder, hoping it would quell her fear slightly. "That's not what he wants from her."

"He wants to _be_ with her." Her voice was hollow.

There was a moment of silence. None of them knew what to say. Not even Maura knew what to say to Jane. She was still trying to digest the reality for herself. She felt sick. She'd wanted love, but not this type of love and certainly it hadn't been this way. She looked up to see her ex wife, hoping that just one look in her eyes and she could show Jane...well she had no idea what she would be hoping to show Jane exactly. But the brunette was gone. Stomping off angrily into the elevator. If the elevator doors could slam shut, they almost would have.

Maura turned to Hotch, silently asking if she could be the one to go after the brunette. He only nodded.

* * *

"Fuck," she said for the third time as she stripped off her blazer. She needed the weight off of her. It felt heavy. Along with her holster and the gun in it. Everything weighed down on her. She could feel gravity on her shoulders and she just needed a little of the weight off. She slammed her holster down onto Maura's desk. Ignoring the image of her friend on a normal almost yelling at her for the gesture.

The lights were off, except a lamp in the corner of the room. It dimly lit the space but even that was too much. "Fuck." She sighed again as she took her wallet out of her pocket, slamming it onto the desk next to her gun.

The office door opened and closed in a matter of moments. She didn't have to turn to see who it was. She'd heard the heels on the other side of the door. It wasn't a shock to know that Maura would have been the first to come after her.

The surprise was when Maura's arms slid around her waist. Jane paused her hands almost immediately. She could feel Maura's warmth against the back of her entire body. She could feel Maura's fingers crawling around her hands.

"It's not okay," she shook her head. "nothing about this is okay."

"I know." The honey-blonde agreed. "I know, Jane."

"He wants you." She stated. "God, Maur, do you get that? Can you even imagine all of the things he wants to do to you? And we're not talking torture, Maura. He actually wants to please you." Her breath caught in her throat. The whole idea of it was making her nauseous. She turned into the honey-blonde's embrace. "I thought losing you was horrible. I thought that was the worst that could happen to me. The fact that he wants to live forever ever after with you is probably the next best thing."

Maura looked into her ex wife's eyes. Her best friend. Her protector. He savior, countless times. Her Jane. She watched as something crossed the brunette's features. A dark look. Before she could even figure the look out, Jane's lips were on hers in a fury. Jane's hands were raking down her body, grabbing her in places she hadn't been touched in six months. The brunette's lips were on fire. Her tongue was a flame. Maura couldn't tell if this was making it worse or helping but she couldn't bring herself to stop.

The Agent grunted as she picked her ex wife up and sat down on the desk. Almost as hard as she'd slammed the gun down on it before. She forced the honey-blonde's legs apart with her thigh as her fingers slid the Medical Examiner's skirt up inch by inch.

"Jane," Maura tried as the brunette lay wet scorching hot kisses to her neck. She was breathless. "I think...I think..." she couldn't bring herself to finish the thought when Jane's fingers suddenly yanked her panties down. "Oh God," she knew she was in for trouble.

"I have waited six months to touch you, Maura." The brunette grunted. Her voice hard and rough, just as her fingers. "I have waited six months to see you come undone. I had a night of passion with you and I can't get it out of my fucking head."

"Jane," the honey-blonde moaned.

"And this Detective Seeley? She gets to date you?" The Agent almost laughed. "He's going to have to come after me, Maura. I'm not letting you go again. I'm not letting you go this time." She felt the smaller woman's center, hoping she was wet. Her fingers cupped the doctor's sex, her hand grinding into it almost roughly.

"Jane, please," she begged. Unsure exactly what she was begging for. Did she want Jane to stop? Did she want Jane to continue? Did she want Jane to forgive her and make due on that promise of never letting her go again? What exactly did she want?

"Pleas _what?_" she growled as she kissed the honey-blonde's neck again. Her teeth bit down into it and she knew she was going to leave a mark. But right now she couldn't bring herself to care. She see herself regretting the action. She hoped he'd see it. She hoped he'd know that it was her that part that mark on her. She hoped that he'd realize that he wasn't going to get to her and all the things he wanted to do to Maura, Jane would spend the rest of her life doing.

"Please _what?_" she tried again, licking the bite marks she'd caused.

"Don't leave me."

"Is that it?"

Maura bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head frantically.

"What else?" Jane demanded.

She shook her head again.

"What else, Maur?" She took her fingers away from the other woman's sex. Hoping that would remind Maura just exactly what she wanted. Because Jane knew. Jane could feel Maura's want coating her fingers and palm.

"_Fuck me_." The words were so bare. Words Jane had imagined Maura saying late at night. Words she'd heard many times on her quests to find something stable. Words she'd heard the night they got married. Words she'd never forget when they came from Maura. And with their own volition, her fingers were sliding into the honey-blonde almost immediately. She felt the woman against her stiffen, adjusting to the size before relaxing limp against the Agent. Her forehead on Jane's shoulder.

Jane pumped her fingers. If nothing had ever felt so right before, this did. It felt right to be the one to do this to Maura. To have her wet with want and need. To have her try her best to stay quiet. To have her limp against her and have to hold her up. And to feel the silent tears seeping through Jane's shirt and almost burning her skin like acid. It all felt right. And yet it didn't make any sense that Maura couldn't feel it too. It didn't make any sense that Maura couldn't be in love with her too.

Her pace quickened at that thought, starting a whole new fire inside of her. Maura didn't love her. Not in the way she loved Maura. She would die for her ex wife. And she almost had. She would have done anything to make Maura happy. Even now. She wasn't just expressing her anger. She wanted to make Maura happy. She needed Maura to be okay.

Jane bit down hard on her lip when Maura's quiet grunts became not-so-quiet moans in her ear. She couldn't tell if the honey-blonde had just raised her volume exceedingly or if it seemed that way because it was so close to her. But the sounds were almost angelic in her ear. Throwing water on every fire inside of her. When Maura said her name, it was like everything wrong in the world suddenly seemed bearable. She felt like she could handle it all.

Maura bit down on Jane's shoulder. Leaving possibly a bigger mark than Jane ever could. She'd used her lips to move the fabric out of the way before latching her lips onto the brunette's shoulder. She could taste Jane's sweat. And it only turned her own even more.

But then Maura pulled away from Jane. And the brunette could recognize the look in her best friend's eyes even though she'd only seen it when she was drunk. Maura was about to climax. And she wanted to stare right into Jane's eyes as she did it.

The brunette braced herself. She swallowed hard as she watched the woman in front of her. She loved Maura. She loved Maura down to her soul. And she couldn't figure out how not to. So many times had she been in this position with other women and yet she felt nothing. She felt nothing like she'd felt right now. Maura wasn't even touching her and she felt like she was going to come too.

Maura watched Jane's determination. She watched the brunette show her love to her. And all she could think about were the missed opportunnities she'd had. All she could think about was breaking the brunette's heart and her own. And she felt so stupid. She could have had this every night. Every morning. She could have had this so many times and yet she'd decided that she didn't deserve it. She'd decided she wasn't good enough. Her heart clenched. But Jane wasn't leaving again, right? Jane was going to stay forever. And she was going to let her.

She felt tears falling as she climbed closer to the edge. She didn't dare to close to her eyes. She didn't dare to look away. She watched Jane watching her and everything around them disappeared. There was no UnSub. There was no six months of separation. There was no other women or men. It was just them. It was just Jane and Maura. Like it'd always been.

With a final thrust, Maura was pushed over the edge. A long desperate moan escaping her lips as she wrapped her arms tighter around the brunette before falling weakly against the Agent.

Their breaths were deep. Ragged. Desperate. Rapid. Maura sighed happily as she left wet kisses along the brunette's jaw line.

"I love you," she whispered.

There was a silence. She hadn't expected Jane to pour her undying love but she'd somehow expected the brunette to admit her own feelings.

"I can't do this." Jane pulled her hand away. And suddenly she felt cold as she pulled her entire body away.

"Jane," Maura tried. She was paralyzed where she sat. "Jane?"

"I-I'm sorry."

* * *

Maura paced her office for a good ten minutes before she grew exceedingly impatient. She couldn't handle it anymore. Jane had promised. But then again, hadn't she made some promises that she'd broken? Hadn't she promised Jane through thick and thin? For richer or poorer? Sickness and in health?

She bit her bottom lip. She hadn't realized what she'd been missing with Jane. It wasn't the sex. No, even though that spectacular and quite possibly the best sex she'd ever had, sex was something she could get from anyone else. No, it was the feeling of love. That was something she'd been missing with Jane. She'd been loved before. By Ian Faulkner. By Garrett Fairfield. And at one time, she'd thought she'd been loved by Dennis Rockman.

But Jane? Jane did love her. Jane loved her more than anyone had ever even thought to love her. Jane never tried to change her. Sure, Jane tried getting her to do things differently but Jane never asked her to commit to those changes. Maura let out a breath. Ian wanted her to travel. He never cared for what she wanted to do with her own life. As long as she wanted for nothing by her parents, she was supposed to be happy. Garrett wanted her to be the wife his mother was. He wanted a wife that was a trophy and a prize. Their relationship was never about love. Garrett loved the power she brought him.

But Jane? Jane loved her to her core. Jane loved her past her faults. Jane loved her even when she couldn't love herself. And Jane still loved her, even when she didn't deserve it. But she wanted it. She needed Jane to love her. She needed Jane to stay. It would be hard. They were different women now. They lived in two different cities. Neither cities were their homes.

But...they could make it work. They had to make it work. If they could come back from Jane shooting Patrick, they she knew they could come back from this. It wasn't going to be easy and she'd accepted that. And maybe Jane wouldn't even take her back but she needed to at least tell Jane she wanted her. That she did love her. That she'd lied before. And she hoped Jane could forgive her for lying.

Maura had heard Jane go into her restroom. She'd heard Jane enter the passlock for it. She'd heard it beep and unlock. But she hadn't heard Jane exit the restroom. She'd only hoped the brunette was still in there. She only hoped the brunette would listen.

* * *

**Author's Nose & Mouth: Sooooo did I do good?**

**Someone said the story was getting boring...I hope that spiced it up a bit**

**Review to let me know how you feel. Remember more reviews, the faster the chaptersssss.**

**Now I must go make my mom a turkey sandwich and try my best not to sneeze on it. Wish me luck. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Nose: I'm not very good with writing sappy nor action scenes so...I'm sorry in advance. **

* * *

"Someone's in here." Jane grunted as she turned off the faucet. At first she'd come into this restroom to get away from Maura and think. But then she could still smell the honey-blonde on her skin. She'd scrubbed and scrubbed but that didn't help the feeling of Maura around her fingers.

But the knock was persistent. She sighed. She swung the door open with a force to be met with Maura's guilty face. The woman she'd just forced to have sex with her. How could she let her anger get to her like that?

"Maur," she tried, getting ready to attempt to explain herself.

"No." Maura held up her hand. "I need to say something and I need you to hear it." She walked into the restroom and closed the door behind her. "I need you listen, Jane. Not just hear me but actually listen. Okay?"

"Maur-"

"No!" She interrupted again. "Please? This is important."

The brunette resigned with a sigh. "Okay." She nodded. "Okay, I'll listen."

Maura nodded as she licked her lips. She tried to think of where she'd wanted to begin. There were so many options but she'd decided on one that seemed more appropriate. "When I met you, I was cynical. I thought every officer in this building was the same. I didn't think you or anyone here could care about me. I knew I was different, but I couldn't be like everyone else. I've never known how. But you? You accepted me as I was, Jane. You didn't ask me to ever change. I didn't have to try to fit in with you. And you gave me this family, Jane. These friends who actually care about me? You gave me so much."

"I know that I love you. I know that because I ask myself how my life would be without and I can't picture it. I can't picture a moment of happiness without you in my life. And I've lived six months in that nightmare, Jane. I've lived six months without you and it was torture. I was miserable. It was hard to be in the same building with you and not be the one to make you laugh or smile but know I had no right to talk to you. To know I had no right to ask you to be my friend or anything more because I'd lied to you."

She received a confused look from the brunette.

"I do love you, Jane. I _am_ in love with you." She crossed the room to the brunette, and she could feel herself entering the Agent's space. The air around her changed. "I have been- I think I loved you the moment I saw you...when I'd tried to help you." She laughed, sadly. "And later, when I'd thought I'd lost you before I had even gotten the chance to know you."

Jane swallowed. She tried to take it in. She tried to listen. She'd promised she would. It made sense. Maura loving her. It made sense why everything they did together felt right. It made sense why whenever they talked, nothing else in the world meant anything to them. It all made sense. But...Maura had sounded so sure when she'd said she didn't love Jane.

"I thought it would be easier for you," Maura continued when the Agent didn't say anything. "I thought you would be happier without me and I can't help but notice that you aren't, Jane. I've been so naïve to think that I don't deserve you. But, I do. Because no one makes you as happy as I do." She touched the woman's chest. "No one makes your heart beat as fast as I do. And no one makes your breath hitch like I do." The brunette swallowed hard. "You love me, Jane. You love me more than anyone has ever loved me. And I love you. I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you that. I know that now I don't deserve to ask that of you but here I am...asking. I'm hoping that once again you'll put your heart out there and give me a chance?"

She was silent. Thinking. Staring. Her heart was rapidly beating in her chest. She bit her bottom lip hard. Maura was right. She loved her. Still. Even after all of this. But could she believe Maura? At one time, she had. She had thought there was more between them.

"You hurt me, Maura." She stated. As if it weren't obvious.

"I'm sorry."

"And you're right," Jane looked at her. "you don't get to ask this much of me."

"I know." The honey-blonde braced herself for rejection.

"But...that night," she didn't have to explain which night it was. Maura knew exactly what night she was referring to. The night they'd gotten married. "that you told me you loved me."

"Because I do."

"You weren't saying it because there was a killer after you and you were scared. Or because you felt lonely because you'd had Dennis," they both winced at the memory of the psycho. "You'd said it because you actually meant it."

"I did."

"It won't be easy, Maur."

"I know."

"I don't even know where we'd start..."

"Nor do I."

"But...if you're offering me the chance to love you as much as I can then I will never refuse it."

Maura smiled brightly. Each corner of her mouth reaching from ear to ear. "Really?" She squeaked. Her voice hitting a pitch she didn't even know she could.

"I mean, Maur it's going to take a lot of work." She tried to explain. "I mean, where do we live? Will you quit working for New York?"

"Why do I have to leave New York?" The honey-blonde pouted. "I have a very suc-" she cut herself short when she received a pointed look from Jane. "Okay, that's fine. I'll do anything. I'll leave New York. I'll move to Virginia. I'll even burn my wardrobe if it made you happy."

Jane gave her a thoughtful look at the idea.

"Please don't make me burn my wardrobe."

The Agent laughed. "I want us to see someone. To try to figure out where we'll start."

"Okay." She nodded, eagerly.

"And one more thing," the brunette paused.

"Anything."

"You have to kiss me." She stated, as if it were the most serious of them all. "Every time it looks like I need a kiss, you have to kiss me. I mean, unless we're around Hotch. He kinda creeps me out."

Maura laughed as she placed her hands delicately on each side of Jane's face. Jane's lips never failed to calm her. Every care in the world was nonexistent. No wonder Jane wanted her to kiss her all the time. They were so much happier when they were touching each other. When they could taste each other. Their kiss was unspoken apologies for the last six months. Their kiss were promises made for the rest of their lives.

"I love you." Maura whispered as she pulled away.

Jane smirked. "Prove it."

* * *

Jane was impeccably exhausted. She couldn't even lift her head off her old desk as Hotch went through the old cases once more. She'd thought – she'd hoped – he was done with the last file. But then he flipped open a new one and each agent groaned, tiredly.

"Hotch, we're dying." Jennifer whined next to Jane. "At this point, we're not getting anything done."

He looked at her. Then at each of his agents. He looked at Maura, who seemed to be the only one seemingly awake. Of course she'd been. It was her own life that was in danger. She was running off of an adrenaline they couldn't get to.

"What do you say?" It wasn't like him to ask the victim but in Maura's case, she was different.

Maura looked at Jane. Then at all of the other agents. "It's true. They'll be more useful after a good amount of sleep."

"Thank God," the brunette next to her groaned.

"I want everyone back at seven. We're picking up right where we left off."

They were all already out of their seats and mumbling their unwilling agreements.

It was still cold. Of course it was still cold, there was still at least fifteen feet on snow. The most Boston had ever seen, probably. They all piled into the large black SUV's they'd been used to.

"Oh, shoot." Maura stopped abruptly.

"What?" Jane turned as she shivered.

"I forgot my purse in my office."

"I'll get the car heated." The brunette sighed. "Hurry!" She called after the almost running honey-blonde. She smiled at the figure of her...girlfriend? God, the thought sent another wave of shivers through her. Maura was her girlfriend. Well it wasn't official because they hadn't went on a date. But, they were something. They were far more than they were a week ago. And Maura loved her. She smiled at the idea and she probably looked goofy as hell but Maura loved her. She found it so hard not to scream it out loud.

"Hey Rizzoli," Morgan called as he and Garcia descended down the stairs. "What are you still doin' here? Thought the air between you and Maura had changed. I expected y'all to be in her bed by now."

She narrowed her eyes at him but he wasn't wrong.

"She forgot her purse." The brunette explained. "But don't you worry, we'll get to her bed as soon as possible."

"Now that's what I like to hear." He laughed.

"Are you going back to her house?" She asked. Not entirely sure where they were all going. Maybe they'd all noticed the change between Maura and her.

"Nah," he shook his head. "thought we'd give you two some time alone. Just keep your phone on and near you, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. "See you in mornin'"

"See ya, Rizzoli." He called over his shoulder as a cold Garcia snuggled closer into him.

Jane watched as each member her team left. Hotch and Rossi piled into one vehicle. Reid, Jennifer, Garcia, and Morgan piled into the next. She was supposed to get the last one with Detective Brinkley so they could go back to Maura's but it would just be her tonight. She was going to send him to a hotel. She watched as Korsak and Frost got into their cruisers and left. Frost had honked as he drove off. She waved to him.

Where was Brinkley?

The building was quiet. It was also dimly lit, making it harder for her to see. Maura frowned, starting to wish she'd asked Jane to come in there with her. But the brunette seemed so cold and eager to get home. She pressed the elevator button to down.

"You'll be fine, Maura." She told herself. What could happen? Jane was just outside the building. Plus, there were still some officers in the building. There weren't very many but enough to quell her fear, slightly. She swallowed hard as she turned back to the elevator doors.

As the doors slid open, she kept her gaze on the ground, working up the courage to just run as fast as she could to her office and back. Honestly, at this rate if her keys weren't in her purse, she would have just left it there. And if it were to be stolen by morning, well everything in it could be replaced.

Maura hadn't noticed the tall dark figure in the elevator until she'd bumped into it, knocking her back a few steps. "Detective Brinkley," he'd definitely startled her.

"Hey, Dr. Isles." He steadied her. "Sorry. I had to use the restroom. Sorry about scaring you."

"Right now I don't think there's anything that couldn't scare me." She frowned. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

He gave her a look. "Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine." She corrected.

His hands fell to his sides. "Alright." He walked around her. "Call me if you need anything, alright?"

"Alright." She smiled at him. She'd been pressing the basement button with something stopped the doors from closing.

"On second thought," Detective Brinkley slid into the small space. "let me go down there with you. I mean there _is_ a psycho killer after you."

She looked relieved. "Thank you so much."

"No problem at all, Dr. Isles." He smiled. "No problem at all."

The ride was short. But that had been because the building was almost empty. There weren't any stops to be made. Once they reached the bottom of the building, the doors slid open almost happily. As if to be walking her right into her doom. Maura looked at Brinkley, who only smiled back at her. She stepped carefully out of the elevator and to her office.

She noticed there was someone in the tech lab. At this rate, anyone could be the killer. She couldn't make out the face of the man in the tech lab, but she could tell he'd been an older gentleman. His back was hunched. He was out of shape. She almost laughed internally at the fear of that man being the one out to get her. She could outrun him in her highest of heels. Then she felt a singe of guilt at the thought.

"I'll just be a moment." She told Brinkley. Her office had only two doors. One to the rest of the basement and one directly to the morgue. She turned her office light on. Empty. The office was empty. She sighed in relief. Her purse was where she'd left it. On her desk. The same surface Jane had taken her a few hours ago. She smiled at the memory, trying to ignore the emotions from said memory racing through her. There was an ache in her center.

Maura grabbed her purse and hurried back out of the office. As she turned to turn the light off, the entire room went black before she'd even touched the switch. Not only had her office went black but the dim lights in the hall. Along with the lights in the morgue.

"Dr. Isles?" Brinkley called out. "Where are you?"

"In my office!"

"Stay where you are!" She could tell his gun was pulled. "I'm going to secure the area."

The more logical thought would have been to get her out of the area before he secured it but she wasn't a cop. He had information she didn't. She waited for what felt like hours. She counted her breaths. She wasn't sure if she should close her office door or keep it open. All she could see was red. Literally red. The red emergency lights were on in the hall but she couldn't to the elevator. She couldn't see inside her office very well, but she could see silhouettes due to the dark red lighting in the morgue. The glass windows separating both rooms finally coming in handy.

Before Maura could account for her own actions, she dialed Jane's new number. Thankful for her memory. Because it might have just saved her life.

* * *

Jane looked at her watch for the third time in ten minutes. It shouldn't have taken Maura that long. An unsettling feeling formed in the pit of her stomach as she shivered once more from the cold. She had decided to go get the car but something had told her not to stray too far from the entrance of the building. Now, she was thankful for that feeling because she found herself walking through the snow back into the dark building.

The first thing she'd noticed was that the doors were locked. She pulled on each door with a force but they didn't budge. She couldn't see into the building. There were lights above the elevators that were on but they didn't do much justice for her sight.

Something wasn't right. Everything wasn't right.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and when she saw Maura's name, she sighed in relief. "Maur, what's going on?"

"Jane," Maura whispered. "I...I think he's here."

"Where are you?" She demanded, trying to open the doors once more.

"My office." The honey-blonde's voice was quiet and barely audible.

"Lock your office door and stay in there, Maura. I'll be right there."

"Jane, hu-" three all too familiar gunshots reverberated through the line.

"Maura!"

Silence.

"Maura!" She yelled again through the phone.

Silence.

She dialed. She dialed the only number she could remember. Jennifer.

"Jane?" The blonde sounded confused on the other side.

"Get back to BPD, now!" She was already running to the back of the building, going to the entrance that only a selected few people knew of. One she'd learned knowledge of when she worked in Evidence.

"Jane, what's going on?" Jennifer's voice was alarmed now but confusion still laced it.

"I don't fucking know!" She tried the side entrance. It was locked. She kicked the door angrily. "He has her, Jennifer. I fucking know he does."

"We're on our way."

Jane disconnected the line as she pulled out her gun. It was a long shot, but she hoped it would work. If not, then she will have shot herself. She pointed the gun to the doorknob of the door. Pulled the trigger twice before releasing it and dropping it back into her holster. She kicked the door once before it fell from its hinges. She thanked whatever God that was above her as she ran into the building. Knowing the layout of the building better than anyone, she followed the stairs south then the stairs to the left. At the bottom, she could see a figure.

_He wouldn't kill her._ She told herself. _He loves her_. The thought made her nauseous.

As she descended the stairs, she could make out the body. It wasn't Maura. But, she had no idea who it was. An older gentleman. White hair and a white lab coat that matched. She sighed, guiltily. He was in a pool of his own blood. The top right of his head was missing.

_That fucking bastard._

She continued down the hall, coming closer to Maura's office, she could see another body on the floor. She withdrew her gun from her holster as she slowed her feet. Her footsteps became measured as she tried to hide her usually heavy footfalls against the tile floor. The figure was tall and thick.

Brinkley.

She knelt next to him.

"Rizzoli," he coughed, a trail of blood leaving the side of his mouth and pooling under his head. "he got her, Rizzoli,"

"Where'd they go?"

Brinkley used as much energy as he could to point to Maura's office.

She pulled out her cell phone, dialing a number that seemed almost irrelevant to her.

"Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?"

"This is Special Agent Rizzoli, I have an officer down at the Boston Police Department. The Chief Medical Examiner is missing. I need an ambulance and back-up, as soon as possible!"

"They're on their way, Agent."

She disconnected the line and looked down at Brinkley. "I'm coming back for you." She promised him. He only nodded weakly.

Jane drew her gun up again as she stepped into the office. This town, a flashlight in her right hand. The office was empty, but the door to the morgue was swung open ajar. She didn't even think twice about going in there. She just needed to get to Maura. Her heart pounded in her chest, increasing her adrenaline as she carefully stepped into the morgue. The air was cold. She fought the shiver that crawled down her spine.

"Maura?" She called out.

Silence.

"Maur?" She tried again.

Silence.

The lights flickered then turned on, brightly, almost blinding her. She sighed as she dropped her gun to her side. Maura was long gone by now. Jane wiped the sweat from her forehead as she walked back to Brinkley. She dropped down next to him as she pulled his head into her lap. He was still alive. His heartbeat faint, but still there.

* * *

The elevators slid open, from it came running Jennifer and Morgan and a pair of paramedics with a back board.

She looked up at Morgan. "He has her." She stated, simply.

"We're going to find her." He promised.

She looked down at Brinkley. "I should have come back in here with her. She was scared and I could see it but she tried to make it easier on me. I'm the fucking cop, but she tried to make it easier for me."

At first they didn't respond. Because she'd been right. She should have gone in with Maura.

"You can't blame yourself, Jane," Morgan helped her up as the paramedics took care of Brinkley. "She doesn't need Jane right now. She needs Special Agent Rizzoli. That's who she needs to find her right now. Can you do that for her?"

Jane looked down as the paramedics charged the paddles to bring Brinkey's heartbeat back. She bit her bottom lip. That could have been her. She wondered how long it would have been until anyone found her. Or how long it would have been until someone had found him.

"Hotch is upstairs," Jennifer informed, almost quietly. "I'll go with him."

"Are you sure?" Jane frowned.

"I'll be back as soon as possible." She nodded. "Just let me know if you find anything."

"Outside has been secured." Morgan handed Jane her mic and earpiece. "Wherever he took her, he got out before we got here."

Jane closed her eyes. "Where's Frost?"

"On his way here." The dark man guided Jane into the elevators. "Korsak and Frankie too."

"Rossi here yet?"

"Came with Hotch."

She nodded as she all but punched the fourth floor button.

"You wanna...I don't know...cry?" He offered from the corner.

"You ever ask Prentiss anything like that?"

"No," he frowned. "but Prentiss never had the love taken away from her."

"No, the love of her life just married a man." She rolled her eyes.

"It's okay to be mad, Jane."

"Good." She looked at him. "Because I am."

"Just don't beat yourself up over it."

She laughed. Her laugh as sadistic as _his_ had been. "That's like telling a rapist not to feel bad about raping someone."

"You didn't do this-"

"I should have protected her!" She screamed. Her voice raw and displaying every fraction of emotion she felt. "I should have been next to her!"

"Yeah," he agreed, his tone matching hers. "and if you had been then you'd been on that fucking floor in the basement dying!"

Her lips twitched as she stared angrily at her partner. She needed to punch something. She wanted to punch him. "Well it should have been me."

"Then you both would dead!"

Before she could even stop and think about it, before she could even stop herself, she swung. Her fist locking perfectly with Morgan's jaw. The first one should have caught her off guard, but it didn't. It should have been enough. But it wasn't. She swung again, and again, hoping the next would feel better than the last. But they didn't. All she could see was red, matching the fire in her.

A pair of arms snaked around her waist, trying to pull her away from Morgan but she kept swinging. And when she got too far away to swing, she kicked. She kicked until she almost being dragged out of the elevator.

"Jane!" Frost yelled. "Jane, stop! It's me! It's Frost!"

"Let me go!" Her eyes searched for Morgan. She wanted more. When Frost's arms weren't enough, Frankie came in to help. Then Rossi. Hotch and Reid were with Morgan.

"Jane, I will fucking taser you if you don't stop." Frankie threatened. "This isn't helping Maura."

At that, her arms stopped almost immediately. She visibly relaxed in her brother's arms.

"I'm fine," she raised her arms in surrender. "I'm fine, okay? Let me go."

He waited a moment before dropping his arms. "What the fuck was that about?"

"Nothing," she peeled off her coat. "it was nothing."

"Well it looks like he's got a broken nose so it doesn't look like nothing."

"He'll be fine." She clenched her jaw. She wasn't going to say more on the matter so Frankie just let it go.

"Rizzoli!" Hotch demanded. She wiped her nose as she followed him into Cavanaugh's office.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Something's wrong."

"Really?" She glared at him. "You really don't fucking know? How about my fucking wife is missing?"

"And we will try our best to find her."

"Try?" She almost laughed. "Hotch, there's no fucking trying here. Either we will find her or we won't. I don't fucking want to hear try."

"Well won't even have a chance to come close if you're going to start swinging at everyone!"

She was silent for a moment. "You can't take me off this case, Hotch."

"Really?" He glared back at her. "Watch me."

"You need me!"

"No!" He silenced her. "We need Agent Rizzoli. Not Jane Rizzoli. Not Maura's wife. Not Maura's friend. You are being a helpless wife right now and I won't risk your distractions. You can stay in the building but I don't want to hear a word from you unless it's helpful to the case."

"Hotch!"

"Hand me your weapon."

She took a deep breath as she stared at her boss. A full minute passed before she took her gun from her holster and dropped it into her bosses waiting hands. He nodded once before leaving the room. Jane fought the urge to throw something at him as he left but she knew that would have only prove his point. She knew he was right. She was overreacting. She wasn't thinking like a cop. But, how could she not? For once, she had no idea in this world where Maura was. She'd lost Maura. She'd lost the game.

* * *

**Author's Nose & Mouth: Show of hands who actually thinks Jane's going to just sit with her tail between her legs? Or is she going to go after Maura herself? But first she'd need the knowledge of her whereabouts of course. **

**Anyways, how was it? I'm actually not to proud of it but if you guys enjoyed it then yay**

**now a moment of seriousness**

**I want to personally thank every single one of you that read these stories. Those who stuck with this story even when it didn't make much sense. Those of you who stuck with me through all of my stories. I'm so grateful. **

**They say an artists' worst mistake is to compare their work to the work of others and constantly I find myself doing that. I can't even read Rizzles fanfiction anymore because I read it and I'm like "wow why can't I be that great at writing" but then I get your reviews and your private messages and your words of inspiration on tumblr and twitter and it just...it makes so worth it. You all make it worth it. By favoring the story, and following it and favoring me as an author and following me as an author...it's...you guys have no idea how inspirational you are me. With every message, I pushes me to continue and share my work with you even when I'm not confident in it. Even when I don't think as great as some of you do. **

**So I want to thank you all. Whether you've messaged me or not. Whether you've reviewed or not. Whether you've followed/favored the story or not. Even if this is the first chapter you've ever read. **

**From the bottom of my seemingly bottomless heart, I thank you. **

**xoxo Lea(sbian)**


	24. Chapter 24

The soothing sound of the ocean could be heard from a distance. She could hear each roll in and crash against the sand, just to be pulled back from land. The water full of energy and something corresponding with rage woke her. A sharp pain in her head stung as she opened her eyes. It was dark. Of course. She wasn't sure if that was good or bad, but it did help her headache wonders.

Maura could feel an open wound that matted her honey-blonde hair to her forehead. She winced as she heard another wave crash ashore. That was going to be a problem.

The ache in her head wasn't the only pain she could feel. Her wrists felt burned. Her arms ached as if they'd been held up all day. Her ankles felt hot. Of course, all of these were minor damages that could be fixed easily with time. The wound on her head worried her.

She struggled against the restraints on her wrists. Pulling at the rope only increased the amount of pain in her arms and wrists. As she pulled, the sound of a jingle bell taunted her as anything about this was cheerful. She pulled harder but the bell was somehow louder than her. Her grunts were unheard. She stilled her movements and studied her surroundings.

In front of her was a fireplace. Lumbered wood lay at her feet. A large window on the far wall to the right made a large set of trees visible, but Maura was certain behind those trees had been the beach she could hear. Above the fireplace had been various sizes of frames with photos in them. It was too dark to make out any faces in the photos. The fire crackled, setting a yellowish red glow against her skin. The lighting was almost fluorescent and taunting. She needed more. She needed a face.

Heavy footfalls interrupted her search. She could tell the owner of those footfalls were wearing boots. Boots possibly too large for the feet in them.

Something hard hit the floor at her feet and she flinched. She couldn't see him yet.

"Maura,"

She stilled. The voice was familiar, but nothing like she'd heard over the phone. Actually, this voice was all too familiar and sent a wave of painful memories through a flash before her eyes.

"You're supposed to be dead." She stated, hoping she could hide her fear and shock. Internally, she couldn't hear anything but her own screaming.

* * *

If she knew her old boss at all, she knew that he kept a pistol in his office. At least she hoped. Third drawer in the desk. The key was hidden somewhere. That, as always, had been the mystery. Cavanaugh liked to change the location just in case things like Bobby Marino ever happened. Only Jane had known of the gun in the desk. She'd walked in on him as he cleaned it. He stashed away quickly but Jane knew of its whereabouts. Before Marino, she'd wondered why he thought to hide it. Of course now she'd wished she'd had an extra gun hanging around too.

The office was dark. The lights from the rest of the bullpen illuminated through the shaded windows, sending rays of lights on all the right places in the office. His desk and his bookcase. That was the first place she checked. She searched through the third row of books because the first row would have been to obvious. Unless...that was what he'd wanted her to think. But then again, that too could have been what he'd wanted her to think. After the third row and coming up empty, she checked the first two anyway.

There were only five rows. The last two were empty as well. She sighed. She looked around the room. There weren't very many places to look. She checked his seat. Empty. She felt up every edge of the desk. Empty. She checked the only plants he'd ever managed to keep alive in the office. Empty. She'd almost given up until she noticed the light cast a shadow behind the bookcase. It was tiny. She'd almost missed it if she hadn't turned around at a certain angle.

Jane wedged her foot between the wall and the bookcase, lifted as much as she could and scooted it as far as she could. She used her flashlight to search the dark wall. Down at the bottom had been a key taped to the wall. She would have done a victory dance if she'd had the time.

The gun was strapped to her ankle as she emerged quietly from the office. Everyone had been in Brig, looking at the security tapes. She tried to egress with the group as quietly as possible, hoping to catch too much notice. The video showed Maura and Brinkley walking through the basement. On another screen had been Maura in her office. The third screen showed various parts of the Boston Police Department.

"You should apologize to him." Frost whispered as Penelope went through each crook and cranny of the building on video.

She ran her fingers through her hair as she watched the screens. "I'll apologize when we find Maura. Alive."

He only shrugged. Knowing that he had no right to talk. If it'd been Frankie, he might have reacted the same way. He and Frankie hadn't been to the 'I love you' stage but they'd felt it. At least he did. And if it'd been Frankie, he would have been swinging at anyone who got in the way of stopping him from finding his partner.

"Wait, stop it there!" Reid pointed to the Screen A. "Rewind it a little."

Garcia did as told.

"Okay, stop!" He pointed to Screen B. "Okay, now rewind this one."

Garcia followed instruction.

"He's avoiding the cameras." Morgan stated.

"Yes," Reid nodded. "But do you see that?"

No one else saw it.

Jane did.

"That's not a he." She sighed. "It's a woman."

Everyone turned to her. As if this made things any easier. It should have. How many women were serial killers? Not many. But, that just made it so much harder. It was hard to spot the evil in a woman.

Jane only stared blankly at the screen. Hotch had told her not to say a word unless it was helpful. She didn't have anything else that was helpful so she clenched her jaw. They all turned their attention to Hotch.

"So we're dealing with a female UnSub." He folded his arms across his chest. "Rare but not impossible. We've been looking at this differently."

"I'll say," Jane muttered. _Best of the best my ass. _

Hotch sent her a look. "We have a woman who's in love with Maura."

"She's obviously tech savvy," Garcia pointed out. "She managed to take out the cameras before she'd even cut the electricity."

"She has the means to follow Maura from New York to Boston to Quantico." Hotch added.

Jane watched as the woman walked across the screen. Something in her limp reminded Jane of something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Jane tapped on her old partner's shoulder as she walked out of the crowed room. He followed without question.

"I need you to do something for me."

"Uh..." he was obviously confused. "right now?"

"Yeah," she pointed to his desk. "I need you to look something up for me."

She wasn't entirely sure how she's fallen unconscious again but she was sure she knew who was behind it.

* * *

She opened her eyes again, the rush of the waves almost startling her awake. Something had changed. It wasn't just the scenery, that was obvious. She'd been moved out of the warm living room and into a bedroom. Her wrists and ankles were still tied as she lay naked across a queen bed.

"I performed your autopsy." Maura watched her stalker cross the room with a large goofy smile that had once managed to make her smile.

"You thought you did." She shrugged, almost bored with the conversation now. Never once had Maura thought this woman suffered from multiple personality disorder. "And by the way, my name isn't Brenda. It's Cecilia. I've always liked the name Brenda. I also liked the name Cece but no one called me Cece." She sighed, sadly as she sat on the edge of the bed next to Maura. She dabbed the honey-blonde's wound with a rag. "That's a pretty bad cut you've got there." Brenda noted.

"You would know." Maura bit back. "You caused it."

"Hey," the brunette laughed. "you're the one who fought me."

"Why?" She couldn't avoid the question.

"I love what I do."

"You don't love me."

"What do you know about love?" Her cheerful mood was once gone again and so suddenly. She stood abruptly. "You're still caught up over that Rizzoli bitch. I had your heart first."

"You never-" her words were interrupted by something loud and painful. Her right left cheek burned. Brenda's hand was suspended just inches from her face, daring Maura to test her anger again. "you're right." Maura swallowed. "You had my heart first."

Brenda smiled and sat back down next to Maura as she aided the wound once more. "It's okay, though. I let you go the first time. I won't do that again."

* * *

Jane tapped her fingers impatiently against her old partner's desk as his all too slow computer loaded. The machine hummed violently, the many web pages he had open testing its limits. She chewed on her bottom lip as she leaned over his shoulder.

"C'mon, c'mon," she begged.

He looked at her almost annoyed. "Yeah, that's not going to make it go any faster."

"Why haven't you invested in a faster computer?" She grumbled.

"Because I make shitty salary and this is office supplies," he shrugged. "we can't all make bank like you."

"Trust me," she rolled her eyes as grabbed her own seat. "FBI doesn't pay as well as you'd think."

"Well," he sucked in a breath through his teeth. "you and Maura will probably get a big fat 'we're sorry' check from New York."

She almost laughed. Almost. Only tempted because he believed they'd find Maura in time. He had faith in her. The thought almost made everything okay. "God knows we're gonna need one."

"Okay, got it!" He turned the monitor to her. "Is this what you're looking for?" He seemed almost confused. It held no information that made sense to him. The results had come up negative.

But it all made sense to Jane. It all snapped into place, like Maura with her latex gloves. Brenda didn't exist but Cecilia did. And Cecilia had gone to the academy with her. Cecilia Kylan. A woman so weird, she'd had Maura beat by a long shot. The thought that this woman had taken a liking to her Maura actually offended her.

"Jane, what's this got to do with anything?" He turned the monitor back to it's previous position. "This woman is dead."

"No she's not."

"I think-"

"Everyone just assumed she was dead because they'd found a body." She felt the weight of the gun on her ankle. "But that still doesn't tell me where Maura is."

"Frost. Rizzoli." Hotch called from brig. "We'd like to have you back in here."

She looked over her shoulder for a moment. "Be there in a minute."

"Now." He made no time for argument.

She sighed and stood straight. "Well I have to pee. Are you going to stop me from peeing?"

He looked as if he was going to say yes but technically he had taken her off the case. It was true, he didn't want her out of his sight but if she'd decided to leave the building they'd be watching.

"Fine," he gestured for Frost to come. "just hurry."

Jane watched as Frost closed the door. She turned back to the computer. There was something more. A step she was missing. Brenda was dead. Cecilia wasn't. But, Cecilia had a much longer life than Brenda. In fact, Cecilia had rich parents if Jane remembered correctly. She typed in Cecilia's name into Frost's database.

The machine groaned as it worked to find the results.

She'd fought the urge to kick it to go faster.

Cecilia's photo gave her all the proof she needed. But it still didn't give her the location she needed. Yes, Cecilia had in fact been Brenda. But according to the results, she'd just disappeared off the face of the Earth. She hadn't made a purchase as Cecelia in years. She hadn't renewed her drivers license. She hadn't worked in almost ten years. The woman was the same but her appearance was gravely altered. She was skinnier than she had been before. Her thick hair was long, wavy, and black. Her skin a lot darker than it had been when she was Cecilia.

Jane's stomach turned. Brenda wanted to be her.

She searched through the woman's history. Real parents died at a young age. Adoptive parents sent her off to boarding school in Maine. When she returned, her adoptive parents had suddenly been found dead. But then something caught Jane's interest and she inclined closer.

When she'd turned eighteen, her parents' remaining amounts of money had been left to her. Her trust fund was suddenly available. Jane searched through the woman's earlier purchases.

"Gotcha," she grinned.

* * *

If Jane knew Hotch, he would have noticed she hadn't come back by now. If Jane knew Frost, he was going to tell Hotch what they'd been researching when the older man all but looked at him like he knew what was going on.

She tightened the bulletproof vest as she drove as fast as she could with her sirens blaring. Some cruisers had followed but she'd called them off. That would leave a trail.

If Jane knew Garcia, she would be able to see Jane's last research. And if she knew Jennifer, then the blonde would have put two and two together just as Jane had. If she knew any of the members of her team, FBI or BPD, she knew they'd all get there.

She was confident they were less than forty minutes behind her. She'd purposely taken Frost's cruiser so it would be easier to track her, after all.

Jane reached the edge of the woods sooner than she'd thought she would. Her sirens had been turned off long ago, all that was left were her lights. She didn't want her arrival to be known at all. She looked at the map on her phone. She had two miles until she reached the lake house. So, she started running. She wasn't used to up hill and down hill so often. She'd run two miles before, and she'd ran it easily but this was different. Sure, she was going off of adrenaline, but Maura's life was in trouble. So somehow she found herself running faster and harder than she ever had before.

* * *

**Author's Nose: That most definitely wasn't worth the wait. Not that I intentionally made you guys wait but Aunt Flow is in town and well Lea didn't feel like doing anything. I just wanted to post this because I'd gotten what would have been a very mean ask if it hadn't been from one of my readers. **

**So here you go.**

**Let me know what you think so I can take a break from cramping and sniffling and sleeping to write the last three chapters.**

**Yup, I said it. There's only three chapters left :(**

**Enjoy your night. Happy Rizzles day if it's Tuesday where you are. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Nose: I'm sorry for the wait. Read the notes at the end of the chapter for more information. Enjoy the chapter. **

* * *

Maura watched with bushed eyes as Brenda pulled in a blatant cart from the hall. On it were two levels, the top level carried a tray of almost delicious looking food. Her stomach grumbled and she was almost upset with herself. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten something. Actually, she could. It'd been the night she'd landed in Boston, but somehow the memory of her arrival seemed more like weeks ago than more than twenty-fours ago. Had it even been that long? She couldn't be sure.

"I thought you might be hungry," Brenda smiled. "looks like I was right."

"I'm fine." Maura lied. She would be walking herself into her death if she even thought about eating the food.

"You don't have to play coy, Maur."

She glared at the nickname. Only Jane was allowed to call her that.

"I know you're hungry." Brenda shrugged. "You know you're hungry. Let's just eat."

"Could you at least untie me?" She tried to keep the maliciousness out of her words, hoping if she kept her tone light Brenda would trust her.

"We both know I can't do that."

Well she wasn't naïve. Maura could at least give her that. "How will I eat if I can't feed myself?"

"Well me being the hopeless romantic that I am, I was thinking I could feed you." She smiled. "Like I did when we were dating."

Maura wasn't going to say that even then she didn't enjoy being manually fed her food.

"I even have dessert here." Brenda was proud of herself. As if anything about this was right. "Strawberries and chocolate. One of your favorites."

Maura didn't know how Brenda knew that and she was a little afraid to ask.

"Jane's looking for you," the brunette's demeanor was insouciant as she tucked Maura's napkin into her shirt.

"How-"

"How'd she find you?" Brenda finished, attempting to show off her ability to finish Maura's sentences.

"How do you know?" Maura finished for herself.

"I have some cameras around the forest." She tucked her own napkin into her shirt. "Just in case things like this happen, so I can be prepared. And in case you try to escape. But we both know you won't. You want to be here just as much as I love having you here." She touched the point of Maura's nose. "Anyways," she revealed the steamed broccoli and pasta. "open wide."

* * *

_Jane's desk was __littered__ with paperwork. The phone rang __endlessly__, not helping her __pounding__ headache. She rubbed at her temple as she desperately tried to quickly open the pill bottle in her hands. She __engulfed__ hard as the cap topped off and __blundered__ to the floor. She glanced at it, contemplating picking it up before she popped a few tablets in her mouth. She decided against it and let it sit there as she brought the bottle to her lips. A few tablets tumbled into her mouth. She swallowed them without any water and sighed, hoping for immediate relief. _

_Her cell phone buzzed from the corner of her desk and she looked at it, indecisively. _

_ "Rizzoli," she answered without looking at the Caller ID. She figured that'd be best otherwise she might not have answered. _

_ "Hey Jane," she could hear Frost rubbing the back of his neck, diffidently. "It's Frost." _

_ "Yeah, I know." She sighed. "Same time, same day, every month." _

_ "Just wanna check up on you."_

_ "As I've said for the last five years, I'm fine." She picked up the ringing office phone then dropped it to the receiver, effectively hanging it up. "Things are fine. I'm eating, you can tell Ma that. I'm still working out. I'm not eating my gun. I'm fine." _

_ He was silent for a moment as he mulled that over. "It's just-"_

_ "She's gone, Frost." She interrupted him. Her words tasted of acid, leaving a sting in her mouth and chest. She swallowed the pain down. "I accepted it." _

_ "I just-"_

_ "I can't deal with these calls anymore." Jane ran attrited fingers through her hair. "Every month, you remind that I didn't make it to her in time with these calls. You wanna know if I'm fine Frost? I'm not. I fucking lost her. I fucking lost her and any possible chance at happiness. I ain't alright, and I probably won't ever be. But, I'm trying to be 'cause she asked me to and I feel like I at least owe her that." _

_ "You didn't do anything, Jane." He got out before she could continue. His words were devout, as if he'd been prepared for this conversation since that night. _

_ "I fucking shot her, Frost." _

_ "It was an accident!" _

_ "It shouldn't have happened!" Her voice reached an octave it hadn't since the night she'd shot Maura. "I shouldn't have been there alone!" _

_ "Yeah-"_

_ "I gotta go." She spat. The line was disconnected within in seconds. She stared at her cell phone. She stared at the last photo of her and Maura happy together. It was months before Maura died. It was days before they married. Where had it all gone wrong? Where had she gone wrong? And how could she go back and redo it all over again?_

* * *

The waves lammed against the sand as a second heartbeat in her ears. She could hear more than feel her blood rushing through her veins. She stopped short of the path that led to the lakehouse. It'd been off the path by a few miles. The wind blew gusts of sand around her as she tried her best to go disregarded. She walked around the house, looking for a way in. Of course Cecilia would have been smart enough to lock all of the doors and windows. Just in case Maura did manage to escape, she wouldn't have gotten far.

Jane shook off the thought of Maura failing at an attempt to escape. The moon scarcely furnished much light. Most of the lights in the house was off. There had been one burnished in the darkness around her on the second floor. She could guess that was either where Maura was or where Cecilia was, if they weren't together.

Jane hadn't broken into a house without just kicking the door down in years. She'd almost lost her talent to do so, quietly. She cursed silently to herself when she'd been at it for five minutes and still hadn't managed to get the door unlocked. Of course, her shaking hands had played a major hindrance. Her lack of light, being the next. And the time being the last of them all.

She swallowed hard once she heard the lock click. She wrapped her sweaty palm around the doorknob as she grabbed for her gun with her other hand. She turned the knob slowly and pushed it open as little as possible. There was no proximate reaction so she continued a little deeper into the house. It was dark. Painfully dark. She could hardly see anything. She'd wanted to go unnoticed for as long as possible, so she ignored the voice in the back of her head that told her to pull out her flashlight.

Maura had always told her that following her gut was poor judgment. That her gut instinct was just her values. Not science. Not fact. Not reliable.

Still, Jane's instinct was usually accurate. There had been a few times she'd tackled an innocent man but then there had been times that her instinct told her to move just in time to dodge a bullet from piercing her brain. She winced at the thought. So many times had she come in direct contact with death and escaped with a few bumps and bruises.

Jane's steps were carefully plumbed and quiet. She'd managed to make it into what appeared to be the living room. On the wall above the fireplace where the fire bellowed and provided enough light for her to see into the photos on the wall. They were of Maura. Maura at the ludicrously priced store on Fifth in New York. Maura leaving her apartment in Quantico. Maura landing in Boston. That one must have been recent because the snow was thick on the ground.

There were so many photos of Maura. It made Jane shake. This woman watched Maura as if she were the President of the United States. She was in love with Maura. Not the kind of love a school girl would feel for her teacher but the type of love that Jane felt for Maura. She loved the sway in Maura's hips as she walked. She loved Maura's laugh. It calmed her. She loved Maura's heart. She loved Maura's ability to make an awkward situation even more awkward. She loved Maura's touch. This woman loved Maura.

Jane found the stairs. She hoped they wouldn't creak as she walked up them. She tried her best to walk carefully. Taking light steps as she passed each step. But, she could only do so much.

"-one of your favorites," Jane stopped dead in her tracks. Afraid she'd been caught. "Jane's looking for you."

"How-" that was Maura. If Jane knew anything, she knew Maura's voice. She felt a grip on her chest modify almost immediately. Maura was okay. Well, obviously not okay but she was alright enough to hold conversation. Jane squelched the deep sigh in her chest.

"How'd she find you?" Cecilia asked, interrupting Maura.

"How did you know?" She could hear the venom in Maura's voice. She smiled at it.

"I have cameras around the forest." Jane moved forward a little. Cecilia didn't know she was there yet "Just in case things like this happen, so I can be prepared. And in case you try to escape. But we both know you won't. You want to be here just as much as I love having you here." She stifled a growl. "Open wide."

The door was wide open. Cecilia was facing Maura on the bed. The honey-blonde's arms and legs were tied to the posts on the bed frame. Jane clenched her jaw at the sight. Her gun was held up high and her lips were in a tight line to suppress any sound she was bound to make at some point.

When Maura's eyes caught glimpse of Jane, she'd stiffened at first. But then the tension exhausted from her face. It was quick. She'd composed herself quickly. But, Jane hadn't missed the look. She hadn't missed the flicker of hope that crossed Maura's eyes. She hadn't missed the way Maura had began to smile. She hadn't missed the weight being lifted off of Maura's chest. She'd seen it all.

Jane waved her a gun a little, asking a silent question. "No." Maura's voice firm. Almost cloyingly so. As if she'd known she'd just won. Her response was to both Cecilia and Jane. No, she wasn't going to take a bite. No, Cecilia wasn't armed.

The brunette took a step into the room.

"Maur," Cecilia sighed, growing tired of the honey-blonde's impedance. "you gotta eat. You're the one always going on and on about how three square meals are important. I know you skipped breakfast and lunch. You have to at least eat dinner. You're safe. I'm not going to poison you. I would never hurt you."

"It's not me," Maura shook her head. "I'm not afraid of _my_ safety."

"I can't promise I won't hurt Jane."

"No," Jane's voice surprised Cecilia. "but I promise I'll hurt you."

"Well, well, well." Cecilia balked herself from the bed as she stood slowly. She turned to Jane. "I miscalculated. I thought you wouldn't be here for another fifteen minutes."

"No, that's my team." She glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed.

"Your team's not coming, Jane."

Her brow furrowed. "I'm pretty sure they are."

"We're so far away from Boston, you probably wouldn't have heard it." Cecilia shrugged. She reached fro something on the cart.

"Don't move!" Jane instructed.

"Relax," Cecilia pointed to the radio that Maura hadn't even seen before. "I'm just going to turn it on."

Jane allowed it, but she watched the other woman's movements cautiously. Maura wasn't in danger._ She was. _

"_I repeat again, stay in your homes if you can. There's been an attack on the downtown Boston Police Department precinct!_" The voice over the radio was frightened, Jane noticed. "_So far, five have been reported dead. Other divisions are working on assessing the scene. It's advised that civilians stay out of harm's way until there's no threat. We have no idea what we're dealing with._"

"You did that?"

"Blew it up." She was so insouciant.

"We took an oath." She glared. "To protect and serve,_Detective Seeley._"

She didn't even flinch at the alias she'd been under. The woman that had supposedly been killed. "Are we really protecting anyone?"

"I was." Jane spat. "You were killing. And Maura pitied you enough to go on a date with you."

"She loves me."

"Oh _please_, Kylan." Jane rolled her eyes. "She doesn't love you. You have no idea what it feels like to be loved by Maura."

"Like you'd know any better!"

Jane looked at her. "Why?"

"Cecilia Kylan was a loser. No one loved her." The other brunette frowned. She looked at Maura. "But then I became Brenda Seeley."

Maura swallowed.

"And she looked at me. She noticed me. When the others didn't. She understood."

"That didn't mean she was in love with you."

"She loves me. I can feel it." Brenda – Cecilia – whoever she was, touched her chest. "She looks at me like I'm all she sees. Like I'm the only person in her world. And when she looks at me I feel important."

It scared Jane to realize that Maura had the same effect on her. But, she wasn't some nutcase was she? Maura actually loved her, right? Unlike Cecilia.

"She may not realize how she feels because of you," the brunette spat the words at Jane with venom. "but she loves me. I know she does."

"And my team? You killed them so it'd be easier to kill me?"

Cecilia nodded.

"She's never going to love a killer."

"Oh, Jane," the other woman laughed. "don't pretend you're a saint. You've killed before. She has watched you kill a man."

"To protect her! Not to win her affection!"

"And yet you're ready to punish me for my crimes! Are you going to kill me to teach me that killing is wrong?"

Jane actually looked torn. If she killed Cecilia she was no better than her. Sure, she didn't kill because it was a thrill and she loved doing it. She killed to protect. She was torn.

"If it's not me it's going to be the state of Massachusetts."

"But Maura doesn't think she loves the state of Massachusetts."

Jane glanced at Maura. The woman was watching her intensely. "It's okay, alright? We're going to be okay. I'm gonna get you outta here."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Cecilia's voice was like a pestering incessant bird. "You're not going to kill me, Jane. You don't want Maura to see the monster in you. She's seen it once and it nearly scared her to death. You don't want her to see that thing inside of you. Not again. Only one of us are going to be walking away from here with Maura in their arms."

"It's not going to be you."

"Then kill me, Jane." She challenged. Her words like nails to a chalkboard. "Shoot me. Right now. Pull the trigger."

She waited. Maura waited. Hell, even Jane waited for her finger to slip. But it didn't. Because she was skilled. She was trained. Her finger would never slip. Unless it was out of her own will.

"Shoot. Me." Cecilia smirked.

Jane looked at Maura. She was afraid. Not for herself. But for Jane. If Jane didn't kill Cecilia, it was obvious that Cecilia had big plans to kill Jane.

"You're not going to do it." Cecilia moved. She stopped, but Jane's finger still hadn't slipped. "You're not going to kill me."

The Agent sighed. The overpowering feeling of failure beginning to demolish her.

Cecilia smirked and moved to the other side of the room. She reached inside of a drawer. "That's what makes me better than you, Jane. I'm not afraid of showing Maura all of me. Even the monster inside of me. Because I know that she's still going to love me." The gun in her hand was familiar. Jane narrowed her eyes at it. "See, Jane, I'm willing to protect Maura at all costs."

Jane opened her mouth to respond, but she saw something. Something Cecilia couldn't see. A laser pointed to the side of the other woman's head. She tightened her grip on the gun. She didn't know who it was pointing a gun at Cecilia, but she knew the odds were in her favor.

"You're right," Jane agreed. "You're right. But Maura still happens to love me. If I walked away right now, she'd still love me. She would miss me. And she'd have some tiny hope that one day I'd return for her. But you could avoid that."

"I could kill you."

Jane nodded. "Yeah, you could. She'd mourn me but eventually, she'd get over it."

"Jane, no!" Maura almost screamed.

The brunette silenced her with a look. Maura whimpered.

"Come on, Cecilia." The agent urged. "You kill me."

"Lower your weapon."

Jane did as instructed. "I'm not going to fight back."

"Why?" Cecilia narrowed her eyes, peculiarly. "Why all of sudden?"

"I know I'm going to lose. I won't shoot you. I have no back-up. I'm doing to lose."

Cecilia watched her for a moment. "No." She decided. She didn't buy Jane's excuse.

Jane's poker face never wavered. Even if on the inside she was begging for Cecilia to raise her gun. The laser lowered from Cecilia's head down to her shoulder. Back-up was in the house, now.

"Suit yourself." The agent shrugged as she walked to the side of the bed.

"DON'T!"

"Well, you're not going to shoot me." Jane began untying the knot around Maura's right wrist.

"Get away from her!"

"Or what?" Jane smirked. "You're going to shoot me?"

"I will!"

"No you won't." She was taunting her. She wasn't sure how close her back-up was, but she only hoped they were close enough to detain Cecilia. "You're weak."

Sweat gathered at the other woman's brow. Jane untied the knot on Maura's left wrist.

"I will fucking shoot you, Rizzoli."

"Do it," Jane challenged nonchalantly as she worked on Maura's ankles.

"I SAID STOP!" Cecilia screamed.

"No."

She raised the gun to Jane, and everything became a blur. As if it was moving at the speed of light and yet somehow going frustratingly slow at the same time. There were a series of three gunshots involved.

Jane felt something wet against her stomach. She looked to Maura. Aside from the panicked look on her face, she was safe. She looked to Cecilia, who was on the floor. One shot to her head. One shot to her chest. Still, that explain the third shot. Jane's eyes slowly trailed the room until she came into contact with Jennifer Jareau. A face she hadn't expected to see but was so glad to see it.

"You ok?" The blonde asked as she lowered her gun. Jane opened her mouth to respond but suddenly all she could see was blackness. She couldn't feel anything. That last thing she'd heard was the sound of her name on Maura's lips.

* * *

**Author's Nose & Mouth: The italics was just a filler. It wasn't the predicted future. It was just a sort of day dream Jane had while running and part of the reason she refused to shoot. Just a worst case scenario type dealio. **

** I think Jane was shot. Haha jk I know she was. What's going to happen next? Anyone got a clue? I do. **

**anyways, **

******after this, if you're interested in my stories (fanfiction) then find me at /user/leasbian I'll still post here but probably not as frequently. Like I update all that much anyway. **

******You don't have to have an account. And you can also download my work there. Which I think is pretty cool. And of course, I wouldn't even mind. **

******On a serious note, yesterday there was a mass shooting in Clackamas, Oregon (just outside of Portland, Oregon). 3 dead. 7 injured. 60 shots fired. If you're a prayer, I'm kindly asking for prayers to go to the victims and their families. There are a lot of people who are shaken up about it. I live in Clackamas and honestly, I found it difficult to sleep last night because I was afraid for my life. Everyone in Portland has been affected by this in some way because honestly that is the first time we've ever had a mass shooting. We all know someone who was there and we're all afraid. The shooter is dead but there are more like him and we're afraid they will get the courage to walk into a mall and begin shooting for no apparent reason. **

******On a less serious note,**

******I've decided to take a break from Rizzoli & Isles. I don't like where the show is going so I probably won't watch it. You can blame Janet. So. I'm probably going to stick some Red Beauty, Swan Queen, and oooh maybe Calzona stories. I may write some Rizzles but no promises. If I do, they're definitely gonna be just one-shots. **

******And there's a story waiting for some of you to read if you'd like on AO3 (archiveofourown) right now. **

******HAVE AN AWESOME DAY AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY MINI VENT **

******THIS IS MY EXCITEMENT**

******I LOVE YOU**

******OK**

******so if you'd like to review, now would be the time to do it.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Nose: I'm sorry if I hadn't been clear before. I meant after this story, I will take a break from Rizzoli and Isles: the show. Not the FF. If I do write FF, they're going to be one-shots. And nope I didn't give up on the show due to their promo for next week but due to the way they're taking the show. I've felt this way for a while. Since the beginning of season three, I felt like they could have gone sooo much deeper into Maura's story line. I felt like they'd rushed it and in fact there were somethings that really should have been discussed. I will finish this story. No worries, sweethearts. **

**I noticed that link didn't work for AO3. It's archiveofourown / user / leasbian**

**same as FF. Here we go. Second to last chapter. **

**Enjoy it. **

* * *

"Female. 40. GSW to the abdomen." Jane's eyes snapped open. She was moving. Quickly. A series of fluorescent lights passed by into view. She blinked. "Jane Rizzoli."

She tried to recollect her last memory. Cecilia had been shot. That she could remember. She wouldn't forget the red that pooled around the woman's body. She wouldn't forget the feeling of victory and still somehow loss. She wouldn't forget the self hatred within her when she realized she was happy Cecilia was dead. She couldn't forget the way Maura looked at her. As if everything was right in the world but at the cost of something important. "Maur," her eyes snapped open again. "where is she?" she tried to sit up, a shooting pain in her stomach almost paralyzed her. Her words were fast and stifled by an oxygen mask.

"Jane, I'm going to need you to not move, okay?" a woman. Not Maura.

"Where's Maura?" she removed the mask. "Is she okay? I need to get to her."

"Dr. Isles is fine," they pushed her into a large room. It looked cleaner than any place Jane had ever seen before. There were a series of doctors or medical personnel in the room. People in scrubs and gloves. She narrowed her eyes to focus on faces. They wore masks but she would be able to tell if any of them were Maura.

"I need to see her." She tried to move again, none of the faces were Maura. "She needs to know that I'm fine."

"We need to start the anesthesia, as soon as possible." The voice from before instructed. "She's starting to move too much."

Jane frowned. They were talking around her like she wasn't there. Like she wasn't awake now. Like she couldn't hear them now. She removed the mask again to speak, but nothing came out. She tried again and yet no words could be heard. Her vision blurred then nothing.

* * *

The entire waiting room was filled with officers. Families of the victims of the explosion mixed with friends, family, and supporters of Jane Rizzoli filled the room. Most of them kept a distance from Maura. She ran her fingers through her hair tiredly as she stood at the nurse's station. She'd been changed into a pair of dark green scrubs. They'd assessed her. Ran a rape kit. Drug test. Everything came back negative.

"She's going to be okay." Jennifer slid a tall coffee to Maura. "Rizzoli's a fighter."

Maura studied this woman for a moment. The woman saved her life. She'd saved Jane's life as well. "Thank you."

"Hmm?" Jennifer hummed as she sipped her coffee.

"Thank you." Maura repeated, a little louder and somehow more thankful.

"For?" the agent thrummed her fingers against the counter.

"Saving us."

Jennifer laughed softly. "She reminds me of someone I once knew." She twirled in her fingers. "That's why we get along so great. And we're not seeing each other. I figured you might have been worried about that."

At first she had been, but that had been stored into the back of her mind. She hadn't worried about it since the moment Jane accepted her apology.

"Jane's strong. She's got something to fight for."

Maura looked at her.

"You." Jennifer took Maura's hand. "She's going to come back to you. She loves you."

"I trusted her."

Now it was the agent who was confused.

"Detective Seeley. Brenda." The Doctor cleared her throat. "Cecilia." She hadn't known which name to stick with. "I trusted her."

"She was a sick woman." The blonde rubbed Maura's back." Everyone trusted her. I worked with her a few times in New York and no red flags had ever went off. She fooled everyone."

"But I should have known." Maura rubbed at the headache reforming in her head. They'd given her something earlier but truthfully she knew it was only going to last a few hours. They'd been there for three hours already. Gunshot wounds were tricky and Maura knew they were going to be there for a bit more until the surgeons could fetch every bit of the bullet in Jane.

"Maura, sweetie!" Angela rushed from the elevator before the doors had even completely opened. "I finally got your messages! Where is she?! How is she?!"

Maura turned into Angela's embrace. "She's been in surgery for three hours." That was all she could provide. That was all she'd known.

"How are you?" Angela asked, pulling back and holding Maura by the shoulders to assess her carefully. "Don't dare lie to me." She challenged.

"I-I'm..." she frowned. "I need her to be okay."

"She's going to be okay." The older woman's arms were around Maura once more. She'd pulled her into one of those hugs Jane had learned from her mother. "She's going to be just fine and you can tell her just how much you still love her."

"I need her." The younger woman cried. Her face in the crook of Angela's neck. "She's the only person who has ever..." she trailed off. Another wave of sobs hitting her as she realised there was a chance that she'd never be able to smile again. She'd never be able to laugh again. She'd never be truly happy ever again if Jane didn't make it out of the woods.

"Maura, you listen to me." Angela's voice was stern. A tone Maura had heard before. The last time she'd been in the hospital. When her mother had been in critical condition. A tone she'd heard when Angela had told her that she would always be there. She'd heard that tone once more in the airport when Maura had decided to leave Boston. Angela had told her she'd always be there again.

"She's going to come back to you." Angela's voice dared Maura to look her in the eyes. "She's going-look at me, Maura- she's going to be fine. She loves you. There's no way that God would take her away from you just yet."

If only Maura could believe. She sniffled. Not truly convinced but if Angela had faith in God, then she could have faith in Angela.

"Would you like to sit?" Jennifer offered both women.

"No." Maura swallowed. "I can't just sit idly by."

"Well, sitting here crying isn't gonna get much done." Angela countered. "Let's see if they'll let you back there. You're a doctor. You might be able to help."

"I'm a Medical Examiner, Angela." She rubbed her eyes, tiredly. "At best, they'll allow me permission to watch from the viewing room."

"That's better than nothing," Her hand was on the small of Maura's back as she guided the younger woman. "let's go make sure these hackjobs don't kill her." The words were supposed to be funny. They were supposed to offer some sort of comic relief. But instead, Angela felt how much venom she'd had in them and she could hear Maura hold back a choked sob.

* * *

There was a rhythmical high pitched pulse. The scent of clean filtered her nose. She could taste the hospital around her. She could taste the rubber gloves. She could taste the sterile utensils they used. She could taste the coffee that kept family and friends of patients awake. Jane groaned. The thought of coffee turned her stomach, which sent a wave of pain through her abdomen.

"Jane?"

She felt a pair of hands on her. She groaned again.

"Come on, baby." The voice encouraged. "Open your eyes."

She forced her eyes open. "Ma?" She rasped.

Angela smiled down at her daughter. "Hi, baby."

"Maur?" She groaned.

Angela's gaze turned to something beyond the window. Everything at a distance was blurry, but she could tell Maura's figure from anywhere. Sure, Maura was dressed in scrubs but she could still tell it was her honey-blonde. She watched as Maura spoke with a woman in a white coat. She'd recognized the woman.

"She's been beside herself in worry." Angela sighed. "Lord, the woman almost gave herself a complex. She doesn't trust the surgeons here at all. They tried to have some idiot intern try to do her stitches. She took the needle from him and did them herself just using a mirror."

Jane tried to laugh. It came out as a huff of air.

"Here." She breathed.

"You want her to come here?" Angela was the only other person besides Maura that could read Jane so well.

She could only manage to nod slightly.

Angela knocked on the window. Maura's head snapped up from the chart in her hands. The older woman pointed to the now awake Jane. Jane couldn't see much, but it was hard miss the smile that spread across Maura's face. The way the other woman all but dropped the chart into the Surgeon's hands. The way she rushed into the room up next to Jane's side. Angela had decided to give them privacy. She pretended to have questions for the Surgeon to keep her distracted as well.

"Hi," Maura took Jane's left hand in hers.

"Don't," Jane cleared her throat. "don't tell me you were worried?"

Maura laughed shakily as she nodded. "Severely."

Jane smiled at the thought.

"I was certain your mother was going to knock me out with a bat to shut me up."

At this, Jane smiled brighter. "I can see that."

"I love you." Suddenly, the moment became very serious. The smiles fell from both woman's lips. They stared into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry I hadn't said it sooner."

"I'm only," she paused as she took a deep painful breath. "sorry you're attracted to many psychopaths." She tried to laugh.

"Jane, I'm serious." Maura wasn't going to let the moment pass. Not this time. They needed to talk.

"I know." She sighed. "I know, Maur."

"I can't lose you."

"You won't."

"I almost did!"

Jane bit at the air. She clenched her jaw as she brought Maura's hands to her lips. She kissed each of the other woman's fingers. "I love you, Maura."

"Then don't leave me."

A look of confusion crossed Jane's tired features. "I won't-"

"I'm not referring to dying, Jane." Maura took her hands away. She wrapped her arms around her torso. "Hotch will ask you-"

"Hotch?" She couldn't help but leap with hope at the mention of her boss. "He's okay?"

"Oh," the honey-blonde frowned. "of course. I'm sorry. Your entire team is safe. They'd left the building before the explosion. SSA Morgan had been the one to deliver the gunshot wound to Cecilia's head."

"Frost?"

"He's asleep in the waiting room."

"Korsak?"

"Cafeteria."

"Everyone's okay?"

Maura didn't say anything.

_Stupid question. _Jane held back the urge to slap her forehead. Maura wasn't okay. The victims of the explosion weren't okay. Brinkley wasn't okay. Cecilia wasn't okay. Jane herself was more or less okay.

"C'mere." She opened her arms to the other woman. Maura only looked at her. "C'mere, Maur."

Her resolve almost tumbled to the ground. She sighed as she climbed into the bed, careful not to put too much pressure on Jane's injury. Maura lay on her side next to Jane.

"I'm sorry," the brunette rubbed the doctor's back. "why would I ever leave you?"

"Because I'm the reason you're here."

It was kind of cute. Maura's insecurity. The way her face was buried in the crook of Jane's neck. The way she mumbled like a child who was aware they'd done something wrong but they were sorry and they were afraid of being hated rather punished.

"You are." Jane agreed. "But not for the reason you think."

She only let out a sigh.

"I'm here because I love you and I wanted to protect you."

"There wouldn't have been-"

"No." Jane silenced her. "God knows where you would have been if I hadn't been there. I love you, Maura. I would have died to protect you. I'd do it all over again if I had to."

"But, I hurt you." Maura's tears were wet against Jane's skin. Her breath was hot.

"And you're going to make sure you spend the rest of our lives making it up to me."

The honey-blonde nodded.

"I know that you love me." Jane continued. "And I know that you're sorry. I know that you've been worrying yourself to death for-" she hadn't known how long it had been.

"Fifteen hours." Maura supplied, quietly.

"Holy, wow really?"

The smaller woman sniffled. "It's been very..."

"The good Dr. Isles doesn't have a word to describe something?" Jane smirked.

"I've felt a very large range of emotions for the last fifteen hours."

"I'd bet you're tired."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." She snuggled in closer. "I couldn't," she paused as she held back another sob. "I couldn't bear the possibility of waking up to a world without you."

"You don't have worry. Okay?" Jane held her closer. She'd felt that fear before. When Doyle had kidnapped her. When Hoyt had almost killed her. When she'd allowed Maura to go into that stupid factory. When Dennis had held a gun to her head. And recently, when Cecilia had taken her from Jane. Jane knew exactly how afraid Maura had been.

"I'm not going anywhere. Ever." She promised. Her words reaching a certain sincerity that Maura had never heard before. One that sent a shiver down her spine. She felt the hairs on her back of her neck stand. Jane meant it. Jane meant every word.

"Prove it."

The brunette smiled. Everything wasn't okay. Not yet. But it would be. Eventually.

* * *

**Author's Nose & Mouth: How did I do? I'm sorry it was short. The last chapter - next chapter - will be the longest of them all. As you can imagine, it might take a few days to a week for it be posted. Expect delays. It will be posted. I promise. It just has to be written first.**

**Okay, so I can't reply to one of the reviews because it was sent anonymously but Jane was going to leave there with an injury and she knew it. Cecilia would have never shot Maura because that's like saying Jane would shoot Maura. Cecilia actually loved Maura. It wasn't some sick love that only a psychopath would feel. It was genuine love, real (on her part) love. And she wouldn't harm Maura just because Maura told her she didn't want her. So I'm sorry that in other fics, people hurt Jane and even in my fics but honestly I don't see how I could write Cecilia shooting Maura. It wouldn't make sense. The worst she'd do was knock Maura out or something. Not actually attempt to kill her. Besides, Jane provoked Cecilia for a reason. She'd needed Cecilia to shoot her or at least attempt to in order for the sniper to shoot and kill her. Idk. I just...I'm not like being bitchy or anything. If I could have responded to that review (which I just found out I can do so that's kinda fun) I would have. **

**Thank you for reading. Have a great night, my lovelies. **


	27. Chapter 27

** Author's Note: The last chapter of Waking Up in Vegas. Your messages on here, tumblr, and twitter were heard loud and clear. I promised. (Rapunzel voice) and I make a promise, I ****_never_**** break that promise. Please note the M rating. Any errors in this chapter at all are completely my fault and I will fix them along with the rest of the chapters in due time. So, if you see that the story has updated it's just me fixing things. Making it pretty.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

The moonlight added a dreary shade to the ginger licks of fire as the heat stroked her hands and skin face. Jane looked down at the beer in her hands. There was a cooler next to the tractor tire she sat in. Her boots were muddy and heavy on her feet, weighing her down as the breeze surrounded her in a swirl. Her phone was in her car, well Maura's car, which the great Dr. Isles would probably have noticed was missing by now. Jane only hoped it didn't cause alarm. She hoped Maura had anticipated something like this. No one knew her better than Maura.

She took another drawn out swig of beer, the bottle was like ice on her lips. She reached in the red and white cooler for a new one. It was small enough to fit in the front seat of Maura's Mercedes. However, it was large enough to fit Jo Friday – not that Jane dared to really check and see. The small dog dig laps around the campfire. It'd been the first time since she'd met Jo that they'd been in the woods.

Jane didn't want to take Maura's Mercedes. Actually, she'd wanted to Frankie's cruiser but he was busy running laps around Boston for their mother. The Prius was being driven around the city by her imbecile little brother, Tommy, much to her dismay. Even Maura had called the limo service to take her out of town to a small town. Something about Massachusetts's best salon.

Suddenly, everything, and everyone, was more important than Jane. So, she took the only option she had left. Their separation called for her to stay at Maura's. Dr. Bryer suggested they stay in each other's homes. Her cruiser was at her apartment.

Jane watched as Jo Friday did another lap around the fire. Her barks were louder than the waves that washed ashore, dragging litter along with it. She swallowed down another draft of beer. It was cold and she could feel it trail from the back of her throat down to the pit of her stomach. She tossed another stick into the flames, feeding it although her own stomach was empty. She'd missed breakfast. She hadn't gotten groceries for Maura's place yet. Everything Maura had was supposed to be made, and well Jane was a woman who just didn't know how to cook very well. If it didn't come with instructions, she couldn't make it.

Her Ma hadn't even bothered to ask if she was hungry. Something about expecting, hell just hoping, her mother would hit her in a place she hadn't known she could be hit. She was used to being catered, either it was Angela or Maura, but she used to someone taking care of her. Sure, she lived on her own. But, her parents, when they'd been together, had spent most of their nights at her apartment trying to complete the family again. Even Frankie came over when he had the night off. Never did they have dinner at his place.

Then when she met Maura, it wasn't just her Ma and Pop. It was Maura who nurtured her when she got home from a long day of work. Sometimes the Doctor would have dinner prepared for her at her apartment and leave immediately after or other times Jane would stop by – almost always expecting Maura to either be in the mist of preparing a meal or done with it – at Maura's house after work. Either way, Jane had always been taken care of.

Ever since she'd graduated high school and moved out when she went to the academy, she wanted to be independent. She wanted to be a strong independent woman, as new age as it sounds. She wanted to be alone.

Yet, she'd never been alone. Not as alone as Maura and her Ma let her believe. Here for years Jane thought she'd allowed them to take care of her. In reality, they'd just allowed her to believe that. She needed them. More than they'd needed her, she needed them. The realization was enough to make her throw a handful of sticks into the fire.

Behind her, about fifteen feet away, a stick broke. Or was stepped on. She couldn't decide if it was her hazy mind or if someone was really behind her. Jane reached for the gun in the cooler.

"I wouldn't do that just yet," He said coolly. There was a very obvious tinge of amusement to his voice.

But, his voice was familiar. Jane had heard it thousands of times. Suddenly the day, and well the last few weeks, had finally worn her down. She wasn't sure if she was drunk or just so tired she didn't care anymore.

"What's the matter, Princess?"

She turned around. "Morgan?"

"You invited me to Boston, remember?"

Her body relaxed almost immediately. She sighed with reprieve. "How'd you find me?" She actually didn't remember inviting him to Boston. At least not personally.

"I'm still a profiler, Rizzoli." He was already kicking the spare tractor tire beside her. When he reached her he sat down in it and reached for a cold one as if they'd done this a million times before. She only stared at him. "I asked Maura. She was only surprised that you were nowhere to be found. She gave the phone to your Mama, already freaking out and suggesting they come back to Boston. Your Mama said you used to come here with your Dad and brothers when you were younger."

"Doesn't sound like much profiling to me." She muttered as she brought her beer to lips again.

"Yeah well this forest is miles long. It could have taken hours to find you." He reached next to her boots for the bottle opener. "She wasn't very specific."

"Yeah," she swallowed.

"You never would admit how good I was." His tone wasn't even remotely upset which was why she didn't bother looking guilty or sorry or even looking at him.

"Didn't think you needed to hear it from me." She kicked at some of the sand. "So what are you doing here?"

"You invited me."

"You say that but I don't actually remember that." She looked at him. "Why would I? You were hell."

"I was hard on you." He agreed. "But come on, kid. You can't tell me that I didn't make you tough enough to stand toe to toe with Hotch. When you stood up to me, I knew you were strong enough to stand up to him."

"I didn't need you to be hard on me." Jo Friday placed herself in Jane's lap. She ran her fingers through the wiry fur.

"Well tough." He finalized with a smile. "So you wanna tell me why you're out here?" He rested his arms on his knees. His dark eyes mirrored the flames.

Jane sighed. "I just needed to think."

"What's to think about?"

"I don't know."

"Are you okay, Jane?" His voice finally carried a weight of concern.

"I don't know."

"Let's start with the basics then." He gestured around them. "What brought you out here? What was the last straw that made you decide you needed to leave Boston for the night?" He noticed the tent she had set up twenty feet away. "Especially since you're getting married in…." He glanced at his watch. "Fifteen hours."

She was silent for a moment. There were so many things wrong. So many things that had her mind thick with thoughts traveling faster than light. She couldn't remember what the last straw was exactly, but she knew it had something to do with her fiancée.

"I needed her."

"Maura?"

"Yeah." She rubbed the back of her head. Since her last session with Dr. Bryer had been weeks ago, Jane no longer had anyone to talk to. Frankie had finally been ranked Detective. She wasn't that close with Tommy. Frost was dating someone new now that he and Frankie had ended, and she knew that even though Frankie hadn't said anything about it, talking to Frost would hurt him. Korsak and Melanie were seeing each other again. Her Ma was spending all of her free time putting the wedding together. Jane knew she could have called JJ or Garcia, hell even Reid, but somehow she expected they didn't want to talk to her. She'd left the BAU. Jane knew once you leave the BAU, you leave the family. It'd happened with Gideon and Greenaway. Even Prentiss. She knew the consequences of leaving their team and stills she'd left.

But, she didn't need all of them. She didn't need her brothers or her old partners. She needed the woman she was going to be married to in just fifteen hours. She needed Maura. And Maura wasn't there for her.

"It's just," she dropped her third empty beer bottle to the ground. "This has happened so fast, you know? Leaving the BAU to work for the FBI here in Boston. It's been tough. Everyone at BPD hates me because I'm always taking over their cases. Frost tries to act like it doesn't bother him but I know he hates it with a passion. I just feel like I haven't had to time adjust to the changes. I know it's been two years, I just feel like my life moved by so quickly in that time. Three years ago I was a cop. I was just a Detective. I was girlfriendless. Hell, I didn't even really know I was into girls. Everything is just different now."

Morgan was quiet.

"And now Maura and I are getting married. I'm dedicating my life to this woman. I'm giving her everything I have. I'm giving her my heart, my body, my life, and my finances. And she doesn't have five damn minutes to just sit and listen to me? Screw this separation crap Dr. Bryer has us doing before the wedding. Screw tradition. I mean nothing about our relationship is traditional. But isn't it bad enough we have to go the extra mile due to all the other issues we had in the past."

"Yeah."

"I just need her to listen. I need to talk to her. Before I promise my life to her. I just need her to sit down and listen to me because, Morgan, honestly I feel like I'm sinking. I feel like everything is out of my control. I can't control when my fiancée makes time for me. I can't control my brother and his relationship. I can't control criminals. I can't control what Tommy does. I can't control anything, Morgan. I feel alone."

"You know the thing about marriage, Jane, is that you're not in control. No one is. It's a partnership. You both decide. No one says unless the other agrees. You're not going to be doing it alone. She's going to be there with you, giving it her all just as much as you."

"I know-," she started to interrupt him.

"Don't you think she's just as scared as you? Maybe that's why she hasn't been there for you." He shrugged. "Maybe she's just as scared and she's so scared she doesn't see that you're slipping away. She doesn't feel your grip is loosening because she's wrapped up in her own worries just like you are. Look, I know what it feels like to lose control. I did. Plenty of times. But, the thing is, you think you're alone but you're not. Your Ma led me straight to you when she figured out something was wrong. She couldn't do it herself, even if she had, I don't think you would have talked to her. Because she's not who you really want to talk to."

"Your brothers are worried about you too. When I went to BPD, Frankie looked relieved. Like someone was finally here to help pull you out of this hole you're in. Tommy gave me your new cell phone number eagerly, and if you check your phone, you'd see he called you five times to tell you I was here."

Jane mentally slapped herself. She'd left her phone in her car. Not just for solitary, but also because she hadn't expected anyone to notice her absence.

"When I called Maura, she was ready to come back to Boston to find you. You think nobody sees you're falling, they do. But, Jane you're too caught up to realize that the help you're asking for is waiting for you to see that it's been there the whole time. Your brothers are there for you. Call them. Tell them it's important. You need them. I bet it won't take more than twenty minutes for them to be knocking at your door. Your Ma knows you're not gonna talk to her but if you initiated the conversation with her I bet she'd listen. As for your old partners, Jane they're there. They've always been there for you. They've always had your back. Just because you have more superiority than them doesn't mean they stopped having your back."

"As for Maura? Just talk to her. At the church tomorrow, just talk to her. Something tells me she's going to tell you she's just as scared as you."

He was right. Of course he was right. She'd never known Morgan to be wrong. She sighed then reached for another beer. Her hand was slapped away.

"I think you've had enough." He smirked, seeing the guilt in her eyes. She finally saw what took him three hours to see. "You've got to get married tomorrow. I'll be damned if I let you walk down that aisle hungover."

Jane let out a laugh. A laugh she hadn't heard from herself in months. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Are you the only one here?" She asked quietly. She still didn't remember inviting him.

"Tonight, yeah."

"I'm sorry-,"

"Don't worry about it, kid." He stood and stretched. "You didn't actually invite me. But I know you wanted to. You were afraid we wouldn't show."

She looked down.

"Maura invited us."

Her head snapped up. "S-she did?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "We got invitations months ago. She called us all personally to check to see if we'd got them too. We all told her we were planning to come anyway. No matter what you thought."

"So…who else?"

"All of us, Jane."

Yesterday, she wouldn't have believed it. Even if she had, she would have been nervous about it. Seeing all of them again after leaving them like others were so prone to do. But now she saw things differently. Now her mind wasn't cloudy with doubt. It was bright with confidence. She was going to see her team again. Even Hotch. They hadn't even ended on great terms. However, there was something about him sitting in her section giving her that stern look that gave her a feeling of support.

* * *

The morning came far too quickly. Jane wasn't even convinced it was morning yet until she looked at her watch. It was still dark outside her tent. Jo Friday was asleep next to her. The tent door was open, despite the almost freezing temperatures.

It wasn't until she heard clinking and coughing until she realized what woke her. From a distance she could see Morgan carrying a belt of freshly filled water bottles around his waist. The hood on his sweatshirt covered his nearly bald head. Sunglasses covered his probably dark eyes. He probably didn't get a lot of sleep either.

The camp was clean. The fire pit was cleaner than it had been when she'd arrived. Morgan must have been familiar with Leave No Trace. There was a tent far off and she'd wondered how she hadn't noticed that he'd brought one of his own. It looked fairly new. Something told her he'd brought it just for this occasion once he found out she was in the woods.

"Hey," Jane watched as a newly awaken Jo Friday stretched outside of the tent. "Thanks again for last night."

"It wasn't a problem." Morgan smiled. "But, we should probably hike out now. Your Ma said they're going to be back in town and at the church by nine. That gives us...three hours to get there too."

"Maybe I should rethink my best man."

"It's Frankie, right?"

"Yeah."

"Who says you can't have two?"

"Alright but if he asks in ten years, you were just standing really close to him because you admired his suit."

"Deal."

* * *

The church was empty. Of course it was empty, Jane slapped herself. She watched as her mother paced the sanctuary, going over her list. She could hear the silent checks echoing around the room. Her mother almost looked too busy but then she reminded what Morgan had told her so she pushed herself off the wall.

"Ma," She called just loud enough to get her mother's attention. She actually didn't want Maura to know she was there yet. Sometimes she liked to see the other woman worry.

"Thank God you're here." Angela sighed with relief. "Check."

"Can I talk to you?"

"What is it, baby? We've only three more hours."

"I know, I know." She sat down in the second row. She hadn't been to church in years. Unless Christmas counted. Which to her it never did because she was always half asleep during it and dreading the many calls she was going to get from work. The row was long and it curved. Jane laced her fingers together as she looked down to the spare bibles on the back of the row in front of her. Sometimes she missed it. Having a belief.

The solemn and yet guilty look on Jane's face was enough to stop Angela in her tracks. "What is it?" She looked at Jane. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No." Jane's head snapped up. "No! No, no, no. No."

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing like that." She grabbed her mother's hand and brought her down next to her. "I just…I need you tell me my marriage isn't going to end up like you and Pop's. I need to know I'm not all like him. That I'll get bored with her and leave her and make our children bastards."

Angela's eyes went from complete worry to sympathy in just a matter of seconds. She wrapped her hands around Jane's. "Janie, listen to me. You're your father's child in so many ways but you would never do something like that to Maura. You know why?"

Jane shook her head.

"Because what you feel for Maura…it's…I've never seen a love like that. I know you and her aren't very religious and I respect that but I believe God made you for her. I believe he made her for you. You are everything Maura wants and she is everything you've wanted. That was something I could never say to your father. Even our vows were by the book, just like our marriage. But, you and Maura took the time to write up these beautiful vows for each other. The way she looks at you, I never looked at Frank that way. The way you look at her, was a way he never looked at me. She is nothing like me and my marriage isn't anything like your relationship. You two love each other. Sure, Frank and I loved each other. But, I loved him for giving me three beautiful children."

"Janie, Maura is in there going over vows. Over and over so that she delivers them perfectly to you. So that you hear what she wants to give you for the rest of your lives. I think the only thing I was worried about on my wedding day was if my pregnancy was going to show in my dress. I'm not saying that if you worry, it means you really love each other. I think the fact that you're both so worried makes you different than Frank and I. He and I thought we had it down. We thought we knew what we were doing. But, we didn't. And that's how it was broken so easily. But, you and Maura have a strong bond that can't be broken. Look at everything you've been through. All of that and you're here sitting in a church getting ready to marry her. I don't think you need me to tell me you're not like your father, but if you want me to say it I will."

"Janie, you will not be like him. Ever."

She replayed the words over and over in her head. _You will not be like him. Ever. You will not be like him. Ever._

"C'mere." Angela wrapped her arms around Jane and squeezed as tightly as she could.

On any other day, Jane would make a joke about not being able to breathe but something about the way her mother held her felt like home. Suddenly, she realized that her mother wouldn't always be there to hold her like this. Suddenly she wanted to draw out the feeling of feeling completely safe.

"Thanks, Ma." She rasped. She could feel the tears behind her eyes. She felt them like fire as they fell down her cheek.

* * *

The entire day had gone by in a blur. She wasn't sure how the moment had gotten here so fast. One minute she'd been opening her eyes and the next she'd been standing in her dressing room hearing the organ playing her cue. She took a few deep breaths. Her mother had done all she could to cool her nerves. Even Angela had tried. They were both successful but the minute Frankie had told her they were starting, suddenly she was back at square one.

She turned to Garcia. The redhead had flown in early to fulfill her duties as a bridesmaid. When Maura worked in Quantico, she often worked with Penelope. They weren't best friends. They didn't even talk outside of Quantico. But, in the recent months, she'd become close with the other woman. Her frequent trips to Quantico, they now more in common than they'd thought. They were the odd ones of their bunch. Jennifer, Susie, and female family members she wasn't nearly as close to were already waiting for her at the altar.

"Sweet cheeks, something tells me this is probably going to go just like your first wedding went." Penelope tucked a strand of Maura's hair behind her ear. "It's going to be easy, okay? Just wait until it's your turn to talk and when you do, I say you just lay a big fat wet kiss on her and you're golden."

"I'm not sure why I ask you for help." Maura sighed.

"Fine, okay, you want advice?" Garcia fixed her own dress. "Jane loves you. More than that, she needs you. Because you make her happy and if there's anything I learned about her, she holds on to what makes her happy."

"Actually-,"

"Okay maybe in the past she used to sabotage any chance of happiness she had but you are like air to her lungs, Doc. You're like….well you're like passcode to her security system."

Maura gave her a curious look.

"Okay, I know that was lame."

"Very." But it made her smile and that was what Penelope had been going for.

"If she's marrying you a second time, I don't think she's making a mistake. She's actually, you know, sober."

"Derek told me she was very drunk last night."

"She wasn't very drunk, she was just buzzed." Garcia shrugged. "Are we ready?"

Maura frowned. "I suppose." She didn't feel anywhere near ready.

"I'll meet you at the altar. I'll be the one wearing green when everyone else is wearing purple."

Maura only gave a weak smile as a response. Once she was alone, she looked turned to look at herself in the mirror. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. She was supposed to be joyed. She was supposed to smile. She was supposed be a lot of things that she wasn't at the moment. She was scared. So scared that the thought of sneaking out the back actually seemed appealing. Then she cursed herself for even thinking about leaving Jane.

The door opened and all it took was for Maura to see Jane's impressively fitted tux.

"You're not supposed to be here!" She quickly turned away from the other woman. "We're not supposed to see each other until-,"

"Yeah, yeah I know. The alter." Her voice conveyed annoyance and Maura was certain it wasn't with her. "I'm tired of everyone telling me I can't see you."

Maura realized she couldn't hear the music anymore.

"Did you stop the wedding to come see me?"

"I did." She could hear more than see Jane's grin. "I needed to talk to you."

"Are you backing out on me, Detective?"

"No," Jane said. "But if I know you, you're probably trying to figure out if you're fast enough to get out of here without being noticed."

"I…" She couldn't deny it.

"You're scared."

"Aren't you?" She knew Jane was strong. The strongest person she'd ever met. Jane was full of courage Maura wish she herself had. It was one of the reasons she was attracted to her. She knew Jane could do anything to protect her. Jane _had_ done anything to protect her. But, not even Jane was that strong.

"I am."

Maura turned around, slowly. "Really?"

"Yeah," she looked at Maura as if it should be obvious. "I'm freaking terrified. Lately I've felt a little alone. I felt like I was losing you. I felt like I was losing myself. I needed you."

"Oh, Jane," Maura tried to walk to her.

"Don't." She stopped her. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. We've both been battling some demons lately. I think that's why Dr. Bryer had us stay apart. I realized what my life is without you and I know that I never want to go there again. Not after having you like I have. I can't live without you, Maura, and I know that now."

"I need you too, Jane."

"So, get your butt down that aisle and marry me."

Maura smiled. A genuine smile. One Jane hoped she be the reason behind for the rest of her life. "I will."

"Okay, good." She turned to leave but then stopped at the door. "By the way," she fixed her coat and looked at Maura, mustering up all the Giovanni she had in her before saying "You look hot."

* * *

Frankie had been her Groomsmaid. If Jane was going to have a best man, Maura decided she was going to have a Groomsmaid. Also, she just didn't feel that close to other women. Frankie however had always been there for her.

As Maura made her way down the aisle, she watched as he watched Frost. A look of loss on his face. He frowned deeply as he watched his ex-boyfriend wave eagerly to his date. Maura would have looked for the new man…or woman. She wasn't actually sure. She hadn't met them yet. Frankie didn't talk a lot about it and she didn't want to pry.

Also, her attention had been on Jane now. She watched as the brunette wiped her eyes. Had she been crying already? They'd just seen each other. Maura watched as Frost whispered something in her ear. She agreed with a nod.

During rehearsals the walk hadn't seemed so long. But, that was just it. They were rehearsals. This was real. She was walking to her wife. She was walking to woman she was going to share her life with. She was ready to break into a sprint but somehow she'd made there in just a few more steps. Jane took Maura's hands.

"You look beautiful," she mouthed.

"So do you." Maura whispered back.

"Welcome family and friends to this joyous occasion," Father Time as Jane liked to call him, began. He was an elderly man. He'd performed her parent's wedding. When Angela called him to perform this one, he jumped at the opportunity. He wanted to show his community he believed in gay marriage. Maura was ecstatic. Jane whoever didn't like being on display. "Today we celebrate Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles. Today they will become one."

Jane rolled her eyes. The man was cheesier than Korsak.

"This moment is unique for Jane and Maura. Two years have they been together. They have been friends even longer, my friends."

_Seriously, just get to the point._ Jane looked at him pointedly.

"I'm sure you all know the story. Meeting at the Boston Police Department, where they've both done their best to protect our city."

_Jesus Christ half of us work there_.

Finally Jane just couldn't take it. "I'm sorry can we just…we're both pretty nervous here and you're taking this painstakingly slow."

"Yes, I'm sorry, of course." He glanced to Angela who only shrugged. "May I ask who carries the rings?"

Frankie and Frost both raised their hands.

"These rings are merely a physical yet symbolic reminder of your love and devotion. It is a reminder of the promises you have made here today on this very special day. By entering this marriage, you both are declaring your journey towards the unity of two hearts. It is in the spirit and for this purpose that you have come here today. "

"Maura." He looked to her.

She swallowed hard. "Growing up I never asked much of my parents. All that I asked was to be sent away for school. I was an odd child. I was alone. All I had were my studies and my solitude. When I set foot in the Boston Police Department after being appointed Chief Medical Examiner, I was prepared to continue being alone. Then I met you. You brought me coffee every day for two weeks to apologize. You were different. You made me feel important. You made me feel…like I existed outside of my work. You noticed me when others hadn't. I will never forget what you've given me. Because, you've given me a family. You've given me two wonderful brothers. Men who have done their best to make me smile and I've never had that. You've given me friends. Friends that accept me for the woman that I am. You've made me feel like I belong. Finally, I have somewhere I belong." Maura could feel her tears falling and yet, she couldn't take her hands away from Jane's.

"I thank you for that. I hope to spend the rest of my life making you feel like you belong. I hope to give you all that you've given me and more. I hope that even at our lowest, that you will know that no matter what, I'll still love you. I never knew the meaning of the words. Of course, I knew the science behind love but I know what life is like without you Jane and it is a life I can't handle. I will love you, I will cherish you, I will be there for you not just as your wife, not just as your partner, but also as your friend. The friend you've in me for years. I promise to continue being that woman for you."

She could see the tears swimming in Jane's eyes. One of them had to be strong.

"I have always known what I wanted. I knew when I wanted to be a cop. I knew when I wanted to be a Detective. I knew when I wanted to go into Homicide. I knew when I wanted someone in my life and when I didn't. However, you have shown me that there are things I wanted that I didn't know I wanted. I wanted you in my life as my friend. Then when I fell in love with you, I wanted nothing but your happiness. Even if it meant I couldn't get what I wanted. I want things with you, Maura. I want a home with you. I want a long and successful marriage with you. I want children with you. I want you to be happy. But most of all, I want to be the one making you happy. I want to be the one that wakes you when the morning comes because sometimes you can sleep through your alarm. I want to be the one that burns your breakfast. I want to be the one that drives you to work. I want to be the one that makes you laugh. I want to be the one that calls you when I'm not going to make it home. I want to be the one that comforts you when you're in need. I want to treat you right, Maura. Better than anyone has ever treated you."

There was a severity in her words that sent a wave of tears to Maura's eyes. And even her own.

"I want to give you all I have to give. I want to be the one you can't live without. I want to be the one you come home to. I want to fulfill my promises. All of them. Even the little ones about taking out the trash. I want to be a mother with you. I want to give you all I have to give, Maura Isles. I promise to give you all I have to give."

"Jane," Father DeLuise smiled. "I give you this ring to wear with love and joy." Jane took the ring before he could even finish his sentence. Her shaky fingers slid the ring onto Maura's finger.

"Maura," he looked at her. "I give you this ring to ear with love and joy."

More gracefully than Jane had, Maura carefully slid the ring onto Jane's finger.

"You have declared your intention and vows before your community of family and friends. By the power invested in and the state of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you wife and wife together.

Jane, Maura, and Father Time all looked towards the audience where their families nod.

"You may now kiss your bride."

This is the moment Jane has waited for. She has kissed Maura a lot. More times than she could count. Each kiss better than the last, yet this kiss is the kiss of kisses. It's the kiss that finalizes their marriage. It finalizes their relationship. Who they are as people. This kiss bonds them together in more ways than one.

Maura's hands were steady as she placed them on Jane's face. She pulled the other woman closer. Their breaths were shaky and their laughs conveyed their nerves. But, when their lips met, both women simultaneously forgot each reason they were ever worried before. The fear of not making the other happy was vanished. It was gone. Because now, it was proven, they were made for each other.

* * *

The Father-Daughter dance was coming up and somehow it'd slipped Jane's mind that she hadn't invited her own father. Maura had insisted, actually they'd even gotten into an argument about it, that she invite Frank Sr. But when he abandoned her mother, he abandoned her too. Along with his fiancée, Lydia. She wasn't even sure she could trust him to show up. She wondered what his response would be to finding out his daughter had gotten married and he hadn't even so much as received an email about it.

Frank Sr. could be an angry man if you found the right thing to piss him off. Jane was sure something like that would. She wondered how he would react to finding out not only was she married, but married to a woman. She shuddered at the thought of that confrontation.

But, as the DJ announced the dance, she thought maybe she should have invited him. She watched as her wife and her father-in-law took the floor. Most eyes were on them, but some were on her. Waiting for her to go there as well. Jane dropped her head.

"I'm not old enough to be your dad." Korsak said as he came up behind her.

"Really?" She looked at him. "You want to do this now?"

"I'm not." He shrugged. "But, right now I've never felt more like a proud father in my life. May I?" He gestured to the floor.

Jane smiled and grabbed his hand. "Come on you old slug."

* * *

Maura had never danced so much in her life. She'd first danced with her father, and then she'd been passed to Korsak. She'd worried when her father danced with Jane. He was a very opinionated person. So was Jane. It was fire dancing with fire.

"I'm glad she has you, you know." Maura said as Korsak twirled her. "She looks up to you."

"Jane?" He looked at her then back to Maura. "You think so? I never thought she actually looked up to anyone."

"She wanted to be just like you." She was twirled again.

"She tell you that?" his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"As a matter of fact, she did." Maura grinned.

"Yeah, well," he shrugged. "I'm glad she has you too. I'm counting on you to keep her level headed. I can't do that anymore. We don't work together anymore."

"Korsak, you know she'd go back to BPD if she could."

"I know." He nodded. "I wouldn't want her to. She has an amazing opportunity with the FBI. Yeah it sucks when she has to take over our cases but honestly those boneheads need people like her. She's good for them and they're good for her."

"So you're not mad at her?"

"No. Never."

Maura smiled. "Perhaps you should tell her that."

"I-," He was interrupted.

"May I?" Frost asked.

* * *

Jane had expected the "hurt my daughter and I'll kill you" speech from Mr. Isles. She'd actually been a little worried he wouldn't give it. But, of course like all fathers he did. He even threatened to ruin her career with the connections he had with the FBI. She'd almost laughed at. After all, what could he do to her career that she hadn't already done?

Now she'd been done dancing because honestly Maura was the dancing one. Her wife was being passed around by all of their friends and she knew that later she would have her time with Maura.

She was near the bar when she first spotted Reid and Jennifer. The blonde was rubbing something off Reid's face.

"Hey!" Jennifer abandoned Reid. "Wow, so you're married now. Wow."

"I am." Jane sucked air through her teeth. "God, that's still weird. I'm a wife. I have a wife. I'm…married."

"Technically it's not your first time being married."

"And it's still the same woman." Jane laughed a little. "The first one doesn't count."

"I'd bet."

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Offering to buy other women drinks already, Rizzoli." Jennifer tsked. "Strike one."

"I'm pretty sure if I even thought about cheating on Maura she'd have my balls."

"You don't have balls." Jennifer stated.

"You know what I mean."

She only shrugged.

"So, Hotch?"

"He's here." She pointed down the bar to her old boss. He was standing with Morgan. Both men were laughing and watching Rossi and Garcia dance. Jane glanced at the floor, and even she had to admit it was an amusing sight.

She cleared her throat when she reached Hotch. He didn't look away, yet he knew it was her.

"Rizzoli." His voice was still hard and stern as if he were still her boss. She frowned. Maybe he was still upset about how her leaving. But, he'd given her a letter of recommendation.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." He patted Morgan on the back. The dark man joined Jennifer and Reid down the bar. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, sir."

"You don't have to call me sir, Jane. I'm not your boss and we're not at work." He smiled. It was the first smile she'd ever seen from him. Somehow it was a enough to make her smile.

Even laugh a little. "Sorry," she spun her wedding ring on her finger, nervously.

"I'm not upset with you." He stated as he picked his drink up. "I'm proud of you."

"Really?" she wasn't buying it.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I think you'll have to work on how you talk to your authority but I'm glad you two worked it out. I could tell you really loved her."

"Yeah, me too." She watched as her wife began dancing with Angela.

"Do you still have nightmares about it?"

"Excuse me, sir?" Jane looked at him.

"Losing her." He nodded the tip of his glass to Maura. "To Cecilia."

She was quiet for a moment. She had still had nightmares. Every night. Sometimes she slept through them, most of the time she didn't. She'd taught herself to stop waking up and screaming. Instead, she'd silently wake up and their bedroom. Maura thought they'd stopped three months after they'd started. Even Dr. Bryer hadn't known. If she did, she didn't let on about it.

"How'd you know that?"

"When Haley died I had nightmares for years. I still do sometimes." He frowned. "If I'd gotten there in time. If I'd just taken his deal. If I'd caught him when I knew him as Foyet and not the Reaper."

"They've manifested into other monsters." Jane sighed. "It's not just Cecilia. It's every monster that is on my desk. It's every monster out there. Sometimes it's the monster I've become because of this job."

"It's okay to talk to her about it. You saved her Jane."

"Until I piss off another serial killer and they go after her."

"And you'll save her then."

She bit her bottom lip. "I had a therapist. We had a therapist. I'm thinking about going back."

"Tell your wife first. There is no 'I' anymore, Jane. You just gave up your 'I' for an 'us' and now before you spend hundreds of dollars on therapy, your wife needs to be the first person to know."

She watched as Maura laughed at something Angela said. "I don't want to scare her."

"She's not afraid of you." It was so simple. The way he said it. He was so sure. He didn't know Maura very well. They'd worked together a few times in Quantico and when the BAU came to Boston. But, they'd never had a discussion that wasn't about dead bodies. How could he know?

"Just talk to her, Jane."

"Okay."

"Now, go dance with her."

Jane nodded, still uncertain. She knew she was going to have to tell Maura. They were married now, as Hotch said. But, it was more than that. It was that Maura was her best friend. She couldn't trust anyone else with this information. Before she could tell Dr. Bryer, she was going to tell her best friend.

* * *

Frankie had two left feet. Not literally, because that was impossible. But, quite metaphorically both of Frankie's feet were left feet. He stepped on her toes a multitude of times. She could tell his clumsiness was amplified by the sight of Frost with his date. Which was a woman. It was enough to even make her wince and sigh sympathetically for her brother-in-law.

"Just relax." She brushed his shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He dropped his head.

"He asked about you." Maura frowned. "I think it's been hard on him."

"Doesn't seem like it from where I'm standing." He looked at Frost and his date again.

"They're not serious." She rubbed something off his cheek. "He only asked her to come because his only other choice was his mom."

"And she came with her fiancée."

"Yes." Maura nodded. "This is their sixth date."

"Who brings someone to a wedding on the sixth date?"

"He needed a date,"

"Yeah otherwise he'd look like me." Frankie dropped his hands. "I'm sorry. I just…I need to go."

"Okay." Maura watched as he walked away with his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. She was getting ready to go see Jane when Tommy grabbed her hand.

"Hey," he smiled. "May I have this dance?"

"Sure," she was getting frustrated now. But of course, she brushed it off and rested her arms on his shoulders. Tommy was only an inch taller than her. He wasn't Jane. And it was obvious.

"I don't give to give you the talk, do I?" He asked, quietly in her ear.

"Excuse me?" She pulled back.

"Pop would do this. But, then again you're a woman so I'm sure he wouldn't hurt you."

"He wouldn't like me."

"He loved you, Doc."

She smiled.

"So do I have to threaten you if you hurt her?"

"Most certainly not."

"Good."

"Good."

When she noticed Jane approaching her, suddenly she felt like they were back in the morgue and Jane was bringing her a cup of coffee for the first time.

"Is that mine?" She'd asked.

"All yours." Jane had said.

"Mind if I cut in?" It wasn't really a question and Maura was sure Tommy could sense that.

"All yours." Tommy said.

Maura smiled to herself.

"So, I need to talk to you." Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist. She pulled her in close. Close enough to smell the strawberries in her hair. It was her shampoo. Maura had used her shampoo. Because Maura had stayed the night in her apartment. While her hair probably smelled like fire, wood, and dirt. "But, I'm afraid it's going to ruin our evening."

"Are you backing out me, Detective?"

"Of course not." Jane not-so-subtly slapped her wife's ass. "Why does everyone seem to think I'll back out?"

"Because you self-sabotage every opportunity you have." Maura stated matter-of-factly.

"Thanks, Dr. Isles."

"Actually, it's Dr. Isles-Rizzoli now."

"Yeah and I'm stuck with Jane Rizzoli-Isles."

"You know," Maura whispered. "It's kind of sexy that you let me keep my last name."

"Of course I did."

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I'm afraid I'll lose you."

Maura stopped moved. "Jane, nothing you say is ever going to be enough to push me away."

"No," Jane stood still. "I'm actually afraid I'll lose you."

"Was the declaration of my love and devotion in front of our family and friends not enough?"

"No, it was." She facepalmed herself. "I'm gonna screw this up. I…okay let's save this discussion for after our honey-moon. Just please forget I said anything. At least for the next week."

"Okay." Maura smiled. "I can do that."

* * *

The drive had been quiet. The radio was like white noise between them. They hadn't had sex in six months. They hadn't slept in the same bed together in two. Both women were quiet, though it was rather comfortable. Their thoughts were all they had.

It was a three hour drive to a lakehouse Jane had specifically picked for the weather. They hadn't planned on leaving the cabin very often, but when they did, they had the option of going into town or going hiking. She was sure Maura was going to convince her of doing yoga, so she'd even planned for there to be a river nearby. The loud rush would be enough to remind her of the highway near her apartment. Something she found herself not being able to sleep without now.

It was snowing when the car came to a stop just outside the lakehouse.

"It's even more beautiful in person," Maura commented as Jane opened the door her.

"I know."

There was more silence as both women carried their bags. Jane checked to see if the kitchen had been stocked. Maura checked to see if there had been toiletries. The river was on the right and curved to the back of the house, the deep forest was on the left. It was two stories. The stop story had a balcony in the main bedroom. One with two large patio chairs. Jane was sure with the freezing temperature they weren't going to spend much time outside. She even hoped.

When Maura returned to the kitchen, Jane was already opening a beer.

"Really?" Her voice was flat.

"Yes, I'm having a beer. What are you gonna do about it?" She dared her wife.

"We will have intercourse tonight."

"Not if you keep calling it that." Jane pushed herself off the island.

"What's wrong with calling it that?"

"It sounds clinical." Maura was already getting out the ingredients for dinner. Jane was behind her. Her front to Maura's back. "Call it something sexy like sex or fucking. Making love even sounds better."

"There's a difference, you know."

"Hmm?"

"Between sex, fucking, and making love." Maura turned around. Jane had her cornered. "I intend to show you all of the differences tonight."

The brunette downed a daft of beer. "I think if you don't me to fuck you right here in this kitchen you should stop talking about that."

Maura pouted. "You started it."

"Now I'm finishing it."

It was fair enough, Maura thought. She gently pushed her wife away. "Why don't you go catch the last two quarters of the game?"

"Really?"

"I need to prepare dinner. We've never had to spend every second together. Why should we start now?"

"Best. Wife. Ever."

* * *

Jane hadn't expected herself to be on the balcony but somehow the weight of the day had convinced her. She watched as the stars became more prominent in the night sky. Had she seen herself married at forty? No. Had she seen herself married at all? No. Three years ago, did she think she'd be married to her best friend? No, never. But, here she stood while her wife prepared for the night. Jane didn't need much preparation. The thing she loved about their relationship was Maura didn't care if she didn't try sometimes and she didn't care if Maura did try. It was one of the ways they worked so well together.

Jane heard the music she'd put on an hour ago. It was supposed to set the mood but really it stirred up nerves she hadn't felt until they'd arrived.

It was like their first time all over again. This time she wasn't going to be discovering her girlfriend's body. She was going to be discovering her wife's body. She was going to learn every blemish and curve of Maura's skin. She was going to find out what made her wife's toes curl.

"Jane," Maura's voice was quiet. Calm. If she was nervous, she sure wasn't letting on about it. Maura was behind her, wrapping her arms around Jane's waist. She stared up at the night sky as well.

"You're beautiful." The words left the brunette's mouth before she even thought about them.

Maura laughed. "You haven't seen me yet."

"I don't have to." Jane shrugged. "You're always beautiful."

"I'll remind you of that the next time I'm wearing a Botanica facial mask to bed."

This time Jane laughed. "It's not my fault you remind me of the monster I thought was under my bed when I was six."

"How is it that you can make me feel beautiful then horrid within sixty seconds?"

Jane cursed herself as she turned in Maura's embrace. "I'm sorry. You look beautiful. Every day. All the time. If you need to remind me that I said this, then I'm not fulfilling my promises."

Maura kissed her. It was soft. But it didn't last long. It wasn't supposed to.

"I love you, Maura Isles-Rizzoli."

"I love you, Jane Rizzoli-Isles."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it."

~ fin ~

* * *

**Author's Note: So I have no idea how weddings go so I am really sorry if I got it wrong. I've never been to a wedding other than my mom's and all I waited for was "is there anyone who thinks these two should not be married?" because well I raised my hand. Like I said any errors at all are my own and I can't change how the story went but I can change punctual and grammar mistakes. **

**I've prepared a speech. It's four in the morning and I've prepared a speech. I'd like to thank so many of you. Names I can't think of right now but I'll probably put it in later when I remember. But, actually I'd like to thank ALL of you because you all pushed me when I wanted to quit. When I'd received so many bad reviews I forgot about the good ones. I'm not the best writer. Hell, I don't even think I'm a decent one. But some of you made me feel like my work was worth reading and that's why I continued this. Even if only two of you would have continued reading I would have still updated just knowing there was two people supporting me. I can't thank you all enough. This is my first published fanfiction story that I've finished officially. One-shots don't count. So, I just want to thank you all for your patience with me and the stories I come up with because my mind has more imagination than I do talent. I know I've bent the characters to my will and some of you would even say I completely went out of character. But, I'm like three chapters into the surgeon and Maura's supposed to be gothic so I'm pretty sure Janet and I have something in common. **

**That's my speech. I don't know why I wrote a speech. Do other authors do that? Wow I'm weird. Anyways, check me out on tumblr or twitter for information about new stories or ongoing stories. Know you Now is to be finished. I'm taking Resistance down. And I'm starting another story. For more info about that you can visit my livejournal...when I get one. Or ask me on here or tumblr or something I'd love a Beta for this one but someone who's going to work with me and not make it a professional thing. The ones I've had so far take weeks to respond and I understand not everyone has time but don't sign up for something you can't do. With that said.**

**Thank you. **


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